Good, clear communication with your friends helps you avoid a lot of problems down the line. On the other hand, if you go behind people’s backs and involve your pals in your plans without first informing them, this can really harm the foundations of your friendship. For instance, you shouldn't go around demanding that someone look after your child at the drop of a hat.
One anonymous internet user went viral after venting on the ‘Childfree’ online group about pure entitlement. According to the author, their supposed ‘friend’ secretly put them down as their kid’s daycare emergency contact. Then, when the munchkin got sick and the author refused to pick them up, the mom had a furious meltdown. Keep scrolling for the full story and the internet’s reactions.
If you need a favor taking care of your children, you should ask people upfront instead of involving them behind their back
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya / Pexels (not the actual photo)
An anonymous netizen vented online about how their 'friend' tried to guilt-trip them into picking up her sick kid
Image credits: Brandy Kennedy / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anonymous
Image credits: Sam Lion / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Fake friends are usually more concerned with themselves, and they'll pressure you to behave in ways that go against your values
The core issue is very simple. The mom in the story felt like she didn’t owe the anonymous internet user any explanation or a quick heads-up before putting them down as their child’s emergency contact.
To put it bluntly, the mom didn’t leave her friend any room to say ‘no.’ And that’s definitely not okay. If you’re friends with someone, you’ll respect them, their choices, and their autonomy. You’ll also do your best to be mindful of their boundaries. And if you value the friendship, you won’t lash out at them when they tell you ‘no.’
How someone reacts to being told ‘no’ can tell you a lot about their character. Emotionally healthy individuals accept the other person’s boundaries and move on with their lives. They understand that nobody can do everything they want and need to do all the time. Everyone has their limits and different priorities. And kindness can’t be forced out of someone.
On the other hand, entitled people with self-esteem issues might take your refusal to do them a favor personally. They can get overly emotional, blame you, and try to guilt-trip you into changing your mind.
The simple fact is that it’s not a good look to try to force someone to do a favor for you when they don’t even know they agreed to it in the first place. You have to respect your friend’s autonomy and time. Of course, most people will feel bad for the sick kid! But it’s primarily the parents’ responsibility to take care of them, not a random friend’s who has their own life to deal with.
According to Choosing Therapy, some of the signs that a person is a fake friend, and not a real one, include the fact that they:
- Don’t support you when you need them and ignore your needs;
- Are overly competitive with you due to jealousy;
- Make you feel bad about yourself;
- Gossip about you;
- Always crave attention and love drama;
- Try to peer pressure you in ways that don’t align with your values.
Image credits: Monstera Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Saying 'no' from time to time and protecting your boundaries is incredibly important for your peace of mind
As per ‘Joon Care,’ if you’re always saying ‘yes’ in a friendship, you can eventually burn out. Mixing in a few ‘nos’ can be healthy. “Loving friends leave space for you to care for yourself, and a ‘no’ to a request or invitation does not compromise a healthy friendship.”
Meanwhile, you should strive to be as truthful in your relationship with your friends as possible. Sometimes, a bit of directness is exactly what you need.
“While it may feel impossibly hard to tell someone how you feel or what you need, try to think back on times when you felt stressed or hurt in a relationship. Often it’s connected to lack of clarity on where the other person stands. There can be a lot of pain in wondering. And telling the truth is giving the other person respect, even if it’s hard,” ‘Joon Care’ explains.
“Just like asking for what you need, being direct in a kind and respectful way is one of the most important skills you can learn for all relationships in life.”
Some other false friend red flags to look out for include:
- Narcissistic, self-obsessed, attention-seeking behavior;
- Jealousy that stems from insecurity or fear, leading to anger and resentment;
- Emotional dumping on you that leaves you frustrated and drained;
- Constant negativity and infecting others with toxicity;
- Holding grudges;
- Being overly judgmental and critical of you;
- Reaching out to you only when they need a favor;
- Gaslighting, betraying your trust, and not including you in their daily life.
The story got 8.1k upvotes and garnered nearly 500 comments. Most people were very supportive of the author and felt that their friend went way overboard. Unfortunately, the author of the post later deleted their account, and so we were unable to reach out to them for an update.
What’s your take on the drama, Pandas? How would you have reacted if you were in the author’s shoes? Has a friend ever tried to guilt-trip you into doing something you didn’t want to? What do you value the most in your friendships? Let us know in the comments!
The internet reacted very strongly to the story. Here's what they told the author after they read all about the drama they were drawn into
