Long-distance relationships can be hard, and sometimes even dangerous. There are about 14 million couples in long-distance relationships in the U.S., but in some of them, people may not really know their partners. That’s especially the case for those who have never met in person.
When this man’s niece wanted to meet her long-distance boyfriend for the first time, he spotted some red flags and raised caution. Apparently, the guy was keeping some serious secrets, and, thanks to her uncle, the young woman was able to uncover most of them, even when her parents told the uncle to shut up and mind his own business.
A woman planned to see her long-distance BF for the first time, but her uncle raised a few red flags
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He didn’t like that the BF planned to fly her out to a hotel, had roommates at 32, and refused to come to her
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Most commenters agreed with the uncle: “Very sketchy”
Others even shared similar experiences they’ve had
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The majority of daters online lie about something, but it’s making people feel increasingly less safe
Nowadays, you can find love anywhere, even online. Although many people have grown disillusioned with dating apps, others still choose to meet and get to know people online. With the number of long-distance couples in the U.S., it’s obvious that such a relationship model can work.
However, it’s also true that people are more likely to embellish the truth when they’re dating online. Researchers have found that 81% of daters admit to lying about at least one characteristic. Even people who use dating apps lie to the people they’re chatting with. According to another survey, 57% of online daters fake attributes such as their names, marital status, location, and appearance.
While we may feel inclined to brand people who lie on their dating profiles as liars in general, it’s not exactly true. Researchers find that lying about one’s weight or height doesn’t imply that they will be just as likely to lie about their marital status or other, more important things. Experts say that people mostly lie on their dating profiles to appear more attractive. That’s why, for example, men tend to embellish their height, and women tend to underestimate their weight.
With online dating one of the main ways people meet, concerns about safety are taking center stage, too. A 2023 Pew survey shows that only 48% of online daters believe that it’s safe. Six in 10 Americans also think that companies that run online dating apps should do background checks on their users.
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First face-to-face meetings should always be done with extra caution
The abundance of lies online underscores the importance of caution when entering a long-distance relationship. Granted, not all long-distance relationships start online; in many cases, partners meet in person. According to one study, 60% of long-distance couples meet face-to-face at least once a month, with an average of 1.5 meetings per couple.
Chatting online is one thing, but meeting a person in real life is another. As the woman in this story experienced, it’s important to take some safety precautions and be aware of red flags when you’re getting to know someone online.
Although the young woman had been “dating” the man for a few months, many of the safety tips experts give women when meeting their dates for the first time apply here. The crucial ones include meeting in a public place, planning your own transport, and never letting your date pick you up from your home or the airport. These are just the basic safety tips, but the uncle was right to worry about the boyfriend’s suspicious behavior throughout the dating period, too.
Experts usually name these three as the most common red flags in a long-distance relationship: avoiding communication, secrecy, and controlling behavior. The boyfriend in this story almost exhibited all three: he wasn’t transparent about having a child, refused to let the girlfriend meet the roommates, and planned their first meeting on his own terms.
People can fall in love without ever seeing each other face-to-face, but some basic safety measures are essential, especially for women. As the UK’s National Crime Agency (NCA) reports, 83% of victims of violence in first face-to-face online dating meetings are women. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
The uncle advised his niece to verify some information before going to meet her BF
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Two weeks later, some concerning information about the BF came to light
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“Good on you for asking the tough questions,” the commenters reacted
