The internet loves nothing more than a text exchange. Two people, a conversation, a screenshot; and suddenly millions of strangers have appointed themselves judge, jury, and relationship counsellor. Most of the time it is fairly straightforward to pick a side. But every now and then something lands in the timeline that is much more complicated.
An exchange where you can see the gap between right and wrong widening in real time, and the grey area consuming the whole conversation. One such screenshot of a text conversation between a mom and a baby daddy went viral this week, and the comments section is doing exactly what comments sections do when nobody can agree. Absolutely losing it.
It's easy to blame an absent father, but there are always two sides to a story
Image credits: saylessuk / Instagram
A single mom asked the father of her child for help babysitting so that she could study, but he ghosted her
The exchange is short, and it is brutal. The mom asked if the dad could watch their baby for a few hours so she could study. No response. The next day she followed up asking for just an hour. Still nothing. The day after that, she sent a third message calling him out for not responding about their own child, and the screenshot shows he had read it and said nothing.
Then, a day later, he replied. He told her he had never wanted the baby in the first place and that since she had chosen to continue the pregnancy against his wishes, he considered the responsibility hers. Cold? Maby. Justified? You decide.
Image credits: user18526052 / Magnific (not the actual photo)
After a few attempts at contact, he finally made his opinion clear
A significant portion of commenters were firmly in the mother's corner. The prevailing argument was simple: whatever the circumstances of the pregnancy, whatever was said beforehand, a child exists now, and that child has two parents. "Whether he wants to take responsibility or not, he is still 100% responsible for the creation of that child," one user wrote plainly.
Others took it a step further, arguing that his absence might actually be the better outcome for the baby in the long run. "He still needs to pay child support, and she can use that money to hire a loving sitter," one commenter said. "I wouldn't want to leave my baby with someone that made it clear they don't care about the baby."
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Magnific (not the actual photo)
He said that because he made it clear that he did not want to bring a child into this world, he would not be taking any responsibility
But not everyone landed in the same place. A vocal contingent of commenters felt that the dad's position, however brutal in its delivery, was at least consistent. He had said from the beginning that he did not want this. He had made his feelings clear before the baby was born. And continuing a pregnancy against the explicit wishes of the dad does come with consequences.
"He was honest with you from the beginning, so you shouldn't be shocked by him saying I don't want this," one user wrote. "Girl, he doesn't want this. Don't try to push an innocent child on a man who doesn't want it. That's not fair to that baby." Buried inside the harshness of this situation is the question of what happens when only one party consents to a pregnancy.
Image credits: samael334 / Magnific (not the actual photo)
But legally, he is financially obligated to help, but his time can't be demanded
Whatever was said before the baby was born, whatever agreements or disagreements existed during the pregnancy, the law is fairly unambiguous about what happens after. Once paternity is established, a biological father can be ordered by a court to pay monthly child support, provide health insurance, and cover a portion of medical and educational expenses.
That obligation is enforceable by the state and cannot be opted out of simply because the father said beforehand that he did not want the child. Family law is consistent on this point: financial responsibility begins at birth, not at the point of agreement. However, and this is the part that makes the whole conversation more complicated, there is no legal requirement for a father to be physically present.
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Magnific (not the actual photo)
A man who does not want to be in his child's life cannot be forced by law to visit, care for, or maintain a personal relationship with that child. He can choose to be absent, and according to Houston divorce lawyer Robin Klein, that absence, however painful, is legally his right. The financial obligation remains. The emotional one does not.
As for the pregnancy itself, during an unplanned pregnancy, a man has no legal right to influence a woman's medical decisions in either direction. He cannot compel her to have an abortion. He cannot prevent her from carrying the pregnancy to term. His legal rights and obligations begin after birth, or upon the establishment of paternity.
Which means the situation in that text exchange, as uncomfortable as it is to sit with, is actually a fairly accurate description of how the law works. He cannot be forced to show up. He can absolutely be forced to pay. And somewhere in the gap between those two things, a mother is just trying to find an hour to study.
Do you think he is wrong for sending that message, or should she be responsible for her actions? Tell us your opinion in the comments!
One woman helped summarise this argument on a now viral video, discussing the idea of 'financial abortion'
Commenters were totally torn, seeing the argument for both the desperate mom and the father who wants no responsibility for her choices
