Naming babies often causes real family drama - for example, my late grandma once didn't want to accept that I was going to name one of my daughters Eva. And you know why? No one actually knew. She didn't tell her reasons, but she was damn adamant in her coaxing. Even though these fiery speeches had no effect.
In our story today, its author, the user u/bluebump, faced the unpleasant fact that her own husband and MIL really wanted to name their future daughter after the man's late girlfriend, who tragically left this world years and years ago...
More info: Reddit
The author of the post is married, they have a 3-year-old son - and will have a daughter soon as well
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author's husband started dating her in college, after his longtime high school girlfriend passed away in an accident
Image credits: bluebump
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The main problem for the woman is that he is still grieving even after all this time - and her MIL hasn't even accepted her as her family member
Image credits: bluebump
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich / Pexels (not the actual photo)
So when the woman told her spouse about being pregnant with a baby girl, he immediately supposed they could name the baby after that late girlfriend
Image credits: bluebump
The mom-to-be felt very uncomfortable with this idea and said "No," and they ended up having a spat
So, the Original Poster (OP) is quite happily married and she and her husband have a 3-year-old son. She and her spouse met in college on a blind date, and literally on the second date, he asked her out. There was just one thing that marred our heroine’s seemingly cloudless life.
Her husband’s late high school crush. Yes, that’s right. Before the guy met the author, he had been friends with “Annie” for many years - until she died tragically in an accident at the age of eighteen. The guy always said that it was more of a platonic relationship, but his mom was always sure that everything was supposed to end with him and Annie getting married.
What’s more, even years after Annie’s death, the MIL has still refused to perceive our heroine as a member of her family. And, what’s even more insane, she even once said that her grandson isn’t her “real grandbaby,” because his mom is not Annie.
I think now that you get the idea of how crazy the author’s MIL has acted, let’s move on to the main plot. The woman recently found out that she's pregnant, and it turns out that she and her husband are having a baby girl. Now try to guess what name the husband suggested for the future daughter! You have one try... damn, how did you guess it was Annie?
Needless to say, our heroine was not at all happy with this idea. They even had a spat and she ended up heading to a friend’s house with her son. And now the woman is not sure how right she was to refuse to name her future daughter Annie. Should she have given in to her husband and his romantic nostalgia?
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman / Pexels (not the actual photo)
"In such cases, there is an unspoken rule - the memory of the dead is good and commendable, but you shouldn't make a cult of personality out of this memory," says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP coach, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. "This girl, alas, has been dead for many years, and naming the kid after her won’t actually bring anything but hurt to the man’s wife."
"The key here is to try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and realize how they would feel if you do or say something. However, this skill often comes only with emotional maturity. And by the way, you should not confuse this emotional maturity with the age on your ID card."
"In any case, this woman shared her feelings with her partner and opened up about feeling uncomfortable with his idea. And in fact, naming the baby is a matter for both parents, so the husband should respect the wife's point of view in any case. So she did everything absolutely right here," Maria summarizes.
People in the comments to the original post also fully share this point of view. We need to leave the memory of the dead, and the living - to the ones alive. “Annie is dead. She can live in their memories but you are his living wife, and this is the daughter you two have made together, not a means to remember someone else,” one of the responders wrote 100% reasonably.
Commenters also strongly believe that the memory of Annie has become a kind of trauma in this family. "She is a ghost in your relationship. Your MIL needs counseling on this issue. You are right to feel upset about how you have been treated," another person wisely added. “I don’t believe you’re being unreasonable. Your husband should not have let it get to this point. Annie needs to be left to RIP.” So do you, our dear readers, also agree with this?
People in the comments unanimously sided with the author, claiming that she did everything right in this situation
