Family dynamics are rarely simple, and they become even more complicated when a child's behavior starts to cross other people's boundaries.
Reddit user Available-Hat6629 shared a tense story about her sister's autistic son, whose violent outbursts recently escalated during a visit to her home.
The woman described how her daughter was kicked and injured and said that she refused to let him come over again. But her sister and relatives started criticizing her for being "bigoted," so she turned to the internet for guidance, asking strangers whether she was in the wrong for excluding the boy.
When someone hurts your family, even multiple apologies may not be enough to smooth things over
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But what if it's your autistic nephew?
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Austin Guevara / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Available-Hat6629
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The reality is that autistic children and teenagers do express their emotions through aggressive behavior
Amber Petrozziello, the neurodivergent & ARFID services director at Empower Your Mind Therapy, based in New York, specializes in supporting neurodivergent individuals and says that childhood can be especially challenging for children with autism, as the condition affects their ability to develop skills for regulating behavior, emotions, and activity.
Like all children, they express unmet needs or discomfort through behavior as part of their development, but due to neurological differences, their developmental paths—and coping mechanisms—can look very different.
"This leads to many difficult and different issues, which can lead to intense emotional dysregulation, social isolation, low self-esteem, and low self-worth," Petrozziello explains.
Their aggression can be directed towards both objects and other people, as well as towards themselves.
The mother's feelings are understandable, but it's important to realize that you can't prevent every aggressive outburst of an autistic child. Because of that, experts suggest to:
- Stay calm. Most aggressive outbursts happen because the child has strong feelings and can't communicate them. By managing your own feelings and staying calm, you're modeling good coping behavior. And when you're calm, it's also easier for you to respond appropriately to the child's needs.
- Limit what you say. During an aggressive outburst, the child is very stressed, and it's hard for them to process what someone else is saying. It can help to use short phrases or even just a couple of words. For example, say 'Sit down' rather than 'Robert, come over here and sit down.'
- Move the child to a safer place. When possible, try to make sure the child isn't close to anything that could hurt them or other people, such as shelves and glass.
- Consider visual cues. Visual cues can help in these situations. For instance, you might have a picture of a quiet place in your home that the child can go to.
That being said, forcing someone who is not just untrained but also unwilling to help you probably isn't the answer, either.
"Parental/caregiver training and therapy are crucial," Petrozziello adds. "Parents and caregivers need to understand how the mind of their child works and how to not only help them navigate the world but [also] regulate their own emotions and responses, too."
People have had a lot of reactions to the story
Some also shared their own similar stories
A few also blamed the mom for how she handled the conflict
