It’s important to support your loved ones. But your family can’t demand that you constantly put your plans on the back burner, and do them favors at the drop of a hat. Sometimes, it’s healthy to say "no." And yet, your relatives might not take that "no" for an answer.
The ‘Am I The Jerk’ online community weighed in on one woman’s family drama after she spilled her heart online. She opened up about why she decided to go to a long-awaited concert, instead of babysitting for her desperate sister. You’ll find the full dramatic story below. Scroll down to find out what happened and what the internet thinks of the argument.
Helping your relatives out is one thing, but when you're dealing with someone entitled, you might find that they don't respect your time
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This woman's family was furious that she refused to babysit her sister's kids at the last minute because she had already made important plans
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection (not the actual image)
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You can't constantly set your needs aside. You need to prioritize your well-being, and a part of that means saying "no" from time to time
As they say, “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” If you care about someone, you have to respect their time, energy, and resources, too. It’s unfair to be called selfish for having a life.
While it would be fantastic if your loved ones could help you out with babysitting when things go wrong at the last moment, it would be unfair to demand it from them. You have to be conscious of your family and friends when they enforce basic boundaries and say, “no, I’m busy.”
Being genuinely busy is a good excuse to avoid doing someone a last-minute favor. Not that you need an excuse to say “no” and go through with your plans!
You’ve been looking forward to an event for months! Why should you miss out on some awesome opportunities because, through no fault of your own, someone else’s plans have fallen through? Why should you miss out on an expensive event because a babysitter cancelled and your sibling doesn’t have a backup plan? Why should you have to take on that financial burden?
There are so many ways that the woman could have tried to solve the problem after her babysitter canceled, instead of blaming her sister for being ‘selfish.’
For one, she could have asked her other relatives, friends, coworkers, or neighbors for help. She could have tried to get in touch with other babysitters through recommendations.
She could have even reached out to a professional babysitting service and asked them if they could organize someone to look after the kids because it’s an emergency. Naturally, that would cost more, but if it’s a real emergency, then money isn’t an issue.
As a last-ditch effort, she could have gotten in touch with the happy couple’s relatives and asked them if there’s any way that they could bring their kids with them to the event. They might have been told “no” (some weddings are child-free), but some organizers actually do offer professional babysitting services at the event.
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Family members should respect each other's boundaries. When someone refuses to do you a favor, it doesn't mean that they don't love you
Healthy boundaries should be non-negotiable in all relationships. Yes, including in your family ones. Boundaries are incredibly positive things and offer tons of upsides, such as better self-esteem and well-being, encouraging trust, and allowing you to feel secure and loved.
What’s more, Verywell Mind explains that boundaries help people cope with stress, encourage others to engage in healthy behaviors, and provide social support. They also encourage the development of values and personal responsibility.
In short, boundaries help you avoid feeling constantly stressed, exhausted, emotionally drained, and conflicted. Meanwhile, a lack of respected boundaries can even lead to health issues.
According to research, strong and healthy families have six qualities in common: appreciation and affection, commitment, positive communication, time spent together, strong coping skills, and spiritual well-being.
It’s impossible to agree with everything all the time. However, healthy families are kind and respectful of other opinions than their own.
“Conflict is virtually inevitable in any relationship, but there are healthy ways of dealing with it. For instance, if you know that you and your family member disagree over religion or politics, try to stick to more neutral topics. Likewise, if your family member has some negative traits that really rub you the wrong way, focus on the positives instead,” Verywell Mind explains.
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Being empathetic and an active listener doesn't mean that you should give in to other people's entitled behavior
“Listening and being empathetic whenever you can is crucial. But don't be a doormat either. It's fine to be assertive and let family members know when they have crossed a line. And, if the conversation is spiraling out of control, know when to take a timeout. With a little hard work, you may be able to have a respectful conversation with your family members, even when you don't see eye to eye.”
In the meantime, if there’s family drama going on, you should try to avoid it and let your relatives know that you don’t want to participate in it. If you’re uncomfortable with a certain conversation, let them know!
Of course, all of this drama can be difficult to avoid if you’re dealing with someone overly entitled.
Some of the main signs of entitled behavior are things like a need for special treatment, excessive demands, expecting others to do things for you, and prioritizing your needs over everyone else’s.
Moreover, entitled individuals tend to be very melodramatic, ungrateful, have a victim mentality, need constant praise, and feel secretly insecure.
How would you react if a relative suddenly demanded you babysit for them, without giving you a proper heads up, when you already had plans that day? How do you maintain healthy boundaries in your family? Share your thoughts in the comments.
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Here's how the internet reacted to the family drama. Most people were wildly supportive of the author
