SIL Expects Child-Free Woman To Help Her Out With 6 Kids: "Every Time I Would Say No"

Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with certified parenting coach and co-founder of Cuddle Pixie, Zohaib Sunesara, who kindly agreed to answer a few of our questions on the topic.

"It is not appropriate for parents to assume that their child-free family members will step in as babysitters during a vacation," says certified parenting coach and co-founder of Cuddle Pixie, Zohaib Sunesara. "Family members are not automatic caregivers, and their presence on a trip should be respected as their personal time to relax and recharge."

He even recalls a session where a client's sister avoided family trips altogether as she previously felt pressured to watch the kids. "The assumption that she would be “free” to help caused strain in their relationship. When I spoke with the parent, they admitted they hadn’t realized how this expectation came across. Assuming someone’s availability without their consent undermines their autonomy. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining positive family dynamics."

Parents might assume their child-free relative will want to babysit their kids because they think they are less busy or forget that not everyone enjoys spending time with kids, says Sunesara.

"In reality, not everyone has the same level of comfort or interest in childcare responsibilities, and that’s perfectly okay. I once worked with a young aunt who loved her nephews dearly but felt overwhelmed when she was left to manage them for hours during a vacation.

The parents believed she’d enjoy the time and bond with the kids, but she confided, “I feel like I’m being put on duty without being asked.” It’s essential for parents to consider the perspective of their child-free relatives. While they may enjoy spending time with the kids, it doesn’t mean they want to—or should—assume full caregiving responsibilities," he explained.

Therefore, it's important to set boundaries with family, even though it might be tricky. Refusing a babysitting request won't necessarily result in conflict if it's approached with kindness and clarity, says the parenting coach.

To minimize disputes, he suggests phrasing the refusal like this: “I love spending time with the kids, but I was hoping to use this vacation for some rest and relaxation too. I’m happy to help out in smaller ways, but I don’t think I can commit to babysitting this time. I hope you understand.”

"Alternatively, you can offer compromises to show goodwill, such as taking the kids for an hour or two in the afternoon to give the parents a break. In my experience, family members are more receptive when you express your boundaries while showing empathy. Most conflicts arise not from the decline itself but from how the message is delivered," he noted.

"Parents can have a fulfilling vacation with kids without relying on child-free family members by being proactive and resourceful," says Sunesara. "They can plan for childcare in advance by hiring a professional babysitter or booking a resort with built-in childcare options. Many vacation spots cater to families and provide safe and engaging activities for kids."

Another option for parents is to take turns with their partner. "For example, one parent could take the kids to the pool while the other enjoys a spa treatment, and the next day, they switch roles. Instead of asking family members to babysit, parents can create inclusive activities that naturally involve kids, such as a family movie night or a beach picnic. If family members volunteer to help, it’s important to respect their limits. Accept their offer with gratitude, but avoid assuming they’ll do it every day."

The parenting coach also kindly shared his own experience when empathetically asking a family member to babysit worked in their favor. "During one of my own family vacations, my wife and I were exhausted from chasing after our toddler and found ourselves wondering if it was fair to ask a younger cousin to step in so we could catch a break," he said.

"Instead of assuming, I chose to approach her directly. I said, “I know you’ve had a full day yourself, and I don’t want to put you on the spot. If you’d like, we’d really appreciate it if you could watch him for an hour while we step out for a quick dinner. If not, no worries—we’ll make it work.” To my surprise, she agreed enthusiastically because we’d asked, not assumed. That experience taught me the value of open communication and respecting others’ autonomy," he concluded.