Woman Watches As BF’s Friends Feast Without Them, Awkward Night Ends The Relationship

Many people are thrilled to attend a BBQ party. And why wouldn’t they be? It typically means getting together with friends, sharing good food, and likely spending some time outdoors – what’s there not to like?

For this redditor, though, a BBQ party became an experience she wouldn’t want to repeat. Having ended up at a party with eleven other people, only eight of whom were invited by the host, she was among the individuals there was no food for. However, after the eight people were done eating, the rest were invited to help themselves to the leftovers. Needless to say, the OP found it really weird.

Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interviews with the OP herself and with a national etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas, Diane Gottsman, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about the etiquette of hosting a party.

When hosting a party, ideally, you should be well-prepared for all kinds of unexpected scenarios. However, things going ideally in life is not something that happens often. So, every once in a while, a host might find themselves having to get out of quite a pickle, as one did at the BBQ party the OP attended.

“I can’t say for sure we were invited,” she told Bored Panda in a recent interview. “From what I could tell when I got there, I suspect we were not invited by the host at all, rather by a friend who was invited as a guest. And we were definitely not welcome for dinner.”

The woman continued to share that said friend invited them to pre-drink at this person’s house, and to check out the street festival nearby later, so the OP was not aware of the situation or the dynamic at the gathering. “I only realized when we got there that it was a sit-down dinner party—which is not the same as a BBQ—and we weren't welcome by the host,” she recalled.

“When we got there, I met everyone and asked how was dinner and they said they hadn't eaten yet, that’s when I realized what was happening,” the OP continued. “When it was time to sit down, the host brought out eight plates and cutlery and they all sat around the table, except for the four of us. They sat and ate, but avoided looking at us or interacting with us.”

The redditor shared that the situation was bizarre enough as it was, but to make matters worse, she wasn’t familiar with what the dynamic in the friend group was. “My ex was the only one of the four extra guests that ate; I think the rest of us could feel the palpable awkwardness, having just watched a seated table of people quietly eat their food together while we stood around the table.”

Summing up the awkward experience, the OP admitted that they should have never gone to the host’s house during dinner. The friend—that was one of the expected guests—shouldn’t have invited them to join, in the first place. “It was so weird, but also, I would never not feed people and make them watch me eat no matter the circumstance,” she added. “All of these people were in the wrong in my opinion – the host, the guest who invited us, the friends who showed up during dinner uninvited, and my ex-boyfriend for eating the food after the host blatantly pretended we weren't there during dinner. If I knew we were crashing a dinner party, I would have never gone.”

If you’ve ever hosted a get-together, you know that getting the amount of food right is almost never possible; you are either left with enough food to feed another group or, perish the thought, have to watch people scrape their plates clean after serving too little. Needless to say, playing favorites in the latter scenario and only feeding some of the guests should in no way be an option.

Sharing her views on the OP’s situation, a national etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in corporate and adult social etiquette, Diane Gottsman, too, emphasized that the host should have tried to find a way to get out of the situation, but not have people stand around, waiting for others to finish their meal.

“It’s rude. The host should have somehow compensated, or discreetly asked the guests who brought plus ones to run to the store for extra food. Never make a guest, even an unexpected guest, feel unwelcome,” she said.

The expert continued to point out that the host’s first priority is to make their guests comfortable. “Ensuring there is enough food is a primary goal. It’s always important to have ample food and beverage because it’s difficult to know how much someone will eat or drink. What about second servings, for instance? Obviously, this host was not planning for four more mouths, but making them wait was rude. Serving smaller portions, or ordering takeout to provide extra, would be a gracious gesture.”

You might be wondering, aren’t guests expected to bring something when attending a dinner? Gottsman pointed out that according to the etiquette, they are when the host asks them to. “If you are bringing a guest, though, you can certainly offer to bring something additional, and ask the host if they would appreciate an extra casserole, salad, dessert, or something else,” the expert added.

In my humble opinion, if you’re bringing an extra person instead of an extra casserole, it might be a good idea to let the host know, to spare everyone the awkward experience. Quite a few netizens, too, believed the whole thing was weird; they shared their thoughts in the comments.