Back in the day, there were pretty strict expectations about the path each couple’s relationship would take. After dating for a while, it was time to get married. And after tying the knot, the next steps were to buy a house and start a family. Nowadays, however, we understand that not everyone wants a traditional, cookie-cutter lifestyle. There are a million different ways to be a happy couple or loving family.
But issues can arise when you and your partner just can’t manage to get on the same page. One woman recently reached out to Reddit detailing why she’s refusing to have kids with her boyfriend. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies readers left her.
It's important for couples to be on the same page before deciding to start a family
Image credits: Matheus Câmara da Silva / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
So when this woman's boyfriend said he had no interest in marriage, she made it clear that they wouldn't be having any children either
Image credits: Alex Pasarelu / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Patient_Art4006
A quarter of all parents in the United States are unmarried
It seems like every single year, living a “traditional” lifestyle becomes less and less common. The more freedom people have to make their own choices, the more they experiment and realize that they don’t actually fit into any cookie-cutter molds. And while it hasn’t been unheard of to have children without being married for many years, it has become much less taboo over the past few decades.
According to the Pew Research Center, by 2018, a quarter of all parents in the United States were unmarried. This is four times more unmarried parents than there were in 1968. And today, one fifth of all American kids live with just their mother. At the same time, the number of unmarried dads has more than doubled since 1968. And about half of all single parents have never been married at all.
Meanwhile, marriage rates in the United States have been declining for the past 30 years. In fact, it’s now more common for adults between the ages of 18 to 44 to have lived with a partner than to have been married, the Pew Research Center reports. But the majority of both people cohabitating with a partner and those who are married have at least one child at home.
So how can a couple decide that it’s time to get married or have children? It’s understandable to be wary of marriage, especially considering the fact that about 41% of first marriages end in divorce. Plus, plenty of people have kids out of wedlock. As long as the kids have two parents who love them, it doesn’t matter if they’re wearing rings, right?
There are pros and cons to getting married, but one of the main reasons why couples choose to tie the knot is to have legal protections. The author of this post noted that her boyfriend was concerned about how men are often treated during divorces, but he didn’t seem worried about the fact that he would have no legal protection during a breakup.
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Deciding whether or not to have kids is a personal choice that should not be taken lightly
If the couple were to be married and then later divorce, a judge would decide how to split their assets and custody fairly. If the pair was only breaking up, however, the situation could become extremely messy very quickly.
Statistically, Millennials who say “I do” before having kids are also more likely to prosper financially, For Your Marriage notes. But, of course, deciding whether or not to get married or have children are not choices that should ever be taken lightly.
Motherhood clarity therapist Ann Davidman shared some advice with Elle for couples who are still on the fence about starting a family. She notes that there is no right or wrong decision, it truly depends on what you want.
And even if you think you know how you feel about having kids, explore that. Try babysitting your nieces and nephews, or fully embrace your childfree lifestyle to understand what you’d be missing out on if you had a baby. Make an informed decision.
Davidman also says that your fears are irrelevant when it comes to making this choice. If you’re scared of having a difficult pregnancy or of having nobody to help care for you when you’re elderly, those fears shouldn’t inform your decision. They’re hypothetical situations that may not even become true, so focus on what really matters.
Finally, the expert says that deciding to become a parent is a personal choice. Don’t let anyone pressure you to sway one way or the other.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman made the right choice by putting her foot down and sticking to her values? Feel free to weigh in. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues right here.
Readers assured the woman that she was right to stand by her values, and many warned her that it might be time to end the relationship
