“I Feel Like I Am Right”: Woman Asks If She’s A Jerk To Boycott “Grandma Shower” At Work

There is nothing wrong with work events and doing something nice for the folks at one’s office. However, there is always a line one needs to draw, as “something nice” can turn into multiple obligations all too quickly.

A woman wondered if she was wrong to decline baking something for a coworker’s “grandma shower.” She believed this was just an unnecessary party and wasn’t willing to spend her own time and resources. We reached out to the woman who shared the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.

In general, a “grandma shower,” a clear iteration on the baby shower, seems like an excuse to just have some cake and party. On the surface, this seems perfectly acceptable. After all, there is really nothing wrong with having a few more reasons to celebrate and just have fun. But as this story demonstrates, it becomes very easy to fall into a trap of needing to commemorate everything. For example, if you celebrate one birthday or one “grandma shower,” you now need to celebrate all of them.

For those who are curious as to why it’s a “shower,” the common explanation is that the recipient is “showered” in gifts. This probably originates from a 19th century bridal shower tradition, where gifts would be placed in a parasol before it was given to the bride-to-be. Upon opening, the gifts would fall out and, you guessed it, shower the bride. We don’t actually know how common this was, particularly since most gifts would probably not fit, or, even worse, be damaged in the process.

As one can guess, if you get creative, the “shower” suffix can be attached to all sorts of events if you really really want to have all sorts of parties. “New-job shower,” or perhaps a “divorce shower” as divorce parties already exist. Indeed, a divorce might actually be a solid contender for a more “common” event, as a recent divorcee often needs to move and might need household goods.

The real issue here is the responsibility of an office worker to accommodate another person’s party. Certainly, most of us have a deep respect for anyone who brings brownies to work, but this also carries the risk of creating an expectation. Again, if you bake something for one coworker, you end up feeling like you need to bake for all of them, otherwise you are showing a very clear case of favoritism.

This gets even worse if the “scope” of office parties is expanded. Birthdays are an undisputed classic, but once things like “grandma showers” are included, it can be hard to tell where the list will end. Why not an “uncle/aunt shower” for example. If you are the office go-to baker, you might end up needing to bake every week just to not play favorites.

This is perhaps why the woman in the story referred to this as a matter of principle. It’s perhaps best to “fight” this sort of thing in its early stages. As nice as office parties might be, it can end up feeling like an obligation and not a relaxing bonus. In extreme cases, for example in South Korea, this sort of socialization was actually an obligation if you wanted any sort of progression in a company.

Called “Hoesik” (meaning “eating together,”) Korean office workers were often expected to go out for food and drinks with their boss after hours (without pay, of course). If this sounds annoying then you aren’t alone. Most people do not want to spend their free time with their boss and coworkers, particularly if they are only there because of an “expectation.” Interacting professionally is a lot easier than attempting to be “friends.”