Weddings can be expensive. A big celebration with all your family members, friends, and other loved ones is surely nice, but it can cost you an arm and a leg. Some newlyweds get help from their parents, and others opt to save for it themselves. That’s why, sometimes, engagements take longer than expected. But should other family members contribute to a relative’s wedding?
This young woman found herself in an argument with extended family members over her cousin’s wedding. After she revealed how much she was making, the aunt and cousin felt that the OP should fund the wedding. The user HumblePossibility548 went to the AITA subreddit to ask other netizens whether her decision to refuse was selfish.
Throwing a big wedding can be pricey, and the newlyweds sometimes ask for financial help from family members
Image credits: Petr Ovralov / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But this woman got a request to fund a wedding for a cousin with whom she wasn’t even close with
Image credits: Alexander Mils / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jonas Leupe / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: HumblePossibility548
People asked for more details in the comments
The traditional wedding etiquette for Mexican weddings might be a little different
Image credits: Emma Bauso / pexels (not the actual photo)
Traditional wedding etiquette dictates that the bride's parents pay for the wedding celebration. The groom's parents should then cover the engagement dinner. However, because the OP mentions that she comes from a big Mexican family, the traditions might be a bit different.
Traditionally, there are sponsors for a Mexican wedding. They're called Los Padrinos y Madrinas. These can include godparents or other family members that the soon-to-be-wed couple chooses. The padrinos pay for most of the wedding expenses, but parents and other family members can pitch in, as well.
However, a couple shouldn't exploit the padrinos and expect them to pay for a dream wedding. In some cases, the wedding godparents might only be able to cover one or two aspects of the wedding. If the couple falls a bit short on money, they should cover the other expenses themselves or gracefully ask other family members.
Los padrinos y madrinas are there for the couple, not only in terms of finances. Their role is to guide and usher the couple into married life, as well. Brides write: "Los padrinos y madrinas are often examples of faith, love, and devotion that the couple would like to emulate in their marriage."
Angelina Cardenas, owner of Angelina Cardenas Events in Tulum, Mexico, told The Knot more about the role of the padrinos. "[They] take care of some ceremony details, such as arras, rings, bouquet, el lazo, and participate during this moment. For the reception, they also often gift many of the night's elements to the couple, like the cake, photographer, music, and liquor."
It's a tradition for parents to pay for their children's wedding. In a traditional Mexican wedding, part of that financial responsibility might fall on the shoulders of the padrinos. And if the couple isn't able to cover all the wedding planning costs by themselves, or even with the help of their parents and padrinos, it's perfectly normal to ask for help from other family members.
However, that shouldn't be a given just because one family member is richer than the others. If they're not willing to sponsor your wedding, guilt-tripping and antagonizing them is definitely not the way to go. Nowhere does the wedding etiquette say that the richest family member should pay for the wedding – it's usually the closest family members or those who are willing to do it.
It's up to the bride and groom whether they want a traditional wedding
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Should you keep up with wedding traditions? It's 2024, after all, and traditions have evolved and changed. Back when we wrote about alternative bridal looks, we spoke to Kat Williams, the editor of the Rock n Roll Bride.
“These days, couples want their wedding to be a reflection of them more than ever,” Kat explained to us back then. “It’s not about blindly following tradition or trying to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ anymore.”
Bride And Groom Direct lists the reasons why someone wouldn't want to have a traditional wedding. Sometimes, the newlyweds are more well-off than their parents. It doesn't make sense to ask them to pay for the wedding in such cases.
Other times, the couple wants to make all the choices themselves, and letting parents cover some of the costs might involve giving up some of those choices.
Not all parents might wish to pay for a daughter's wedding – the traditional way is out of the window then. What's more, not all brides have parents. Others might have no contact with theirs. In other cases, there is no bride – same-sex couples get married too. Nowadays, couples prefer more modern ways of handling wedding finances: paying for the festivities themselves or splitting the costs with their parents.
In 2022, The Knot did a Real Wedding Study. Besides the fact that the average age of couples who get married is 31, they also found that couples cover 49% of the wedding expenses. Because people tend to get married later in life, they're better off financially and don't need to rely on other family members that much.
The verdict in the comments was unanimous: NTA
