The passing of a loved one or spouse is one of the most devastating moments you’ll ever experience in life. But learning that they might not have been quite the person you thought they were can pour salt on the wound. It’s a heartbreaking realization that your partner had been unfaithful to you. If that resulted in the birth of a child outside your marriage… that entire relationship with them can be incredibly difficult to navigate.
An anonymous woman turned to the AITA online community for advice about a particularly sensitive situation. She explained how she enforced strict boundaries with her deceased husband’s ‘affair child,’ including setting up a trust fund for her and allowing her to live in one of her properties rent-free. However, the problems popped up when the child’s mother started demanding more money. Read on for the story in full.
Losing your partner is beyond painful. But it can be a very confusing time if you uncover that they had been unfaithful
Image credits: Pressmaster (not the actual photo)
A woman wanted to know if she was too harsh for refusing to support her husband's 'affair child' beyond what she'd already promised
Image credits: alexandrabeganskaya (not the actual photo)
Later, she gave an update as her story began going viral online
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Typically, affairs happen between people who spend a lot of time around each other. There are also multiple reasons that explain infidelity
This entire issue wouldn’t exist if the woman’s partner had been faithful to her all those years ago. There are many different factors that influence a person’s willingness to cheat and to do so repeatedly.
Cheating is far more widespread than you might think at first glance, but many people regret it. Technopedia notes that a whopping 21% of people in monogamous relationships admitted to cheating. Meanwhile, 16% of married people also shared that they have been unfaithful in their marriage.
Affairs typically happen with people you know. As per Technopedia’s findings, 33% to 40% of affairs happen with a friend. Meanwhile, 29% to 31% happen with a colleague. Overall, the majority, or 64% of those who cheated, actually regretted having their affairs.
There are four main reasons why someone might be unfaithful. According to Lucia F. O'Sullivan writing in Psychology Today, these are: sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dissatisfaction, feeling neglected, and feeling anger.
In short, an individual is likely to cheat if they want more variety or more frequent lovemaking, stop seeing their partner in a positive way, feel overlooked or rejected, or want to punish their partner for being mistreated.
That’s not to say that there’s always an ‘excuse’ for infidelity. In some cases, just the existence of the opportunity to cheat can make some spouses forget their vows.
O’Sullivan notes in her post that cheating is habitual. It’s likely that your partner may cheat again if they started a relationship with you when they weren’t single at the time. Meanwhile, if they have a history of cheating, it’s likely that they might ‘stray’ again. This is not a certainty of course (people do change), but the probability is definitely higher.
Generally, cheaters are individuals who are narcissistic, have low agreeableness, and have socio-sexual attitudes (i.e., they are interested in multiple partners).
Image credits: Becca Tapert (not the actual photo)
Inheriting a large sum of money can create many problems for you because others will likely try to claim part of it for themselves
Whenever large sums of money or access to power are involved, it brings out who people truly are inside. You can see the best and the worst of humanity. If you inherit a large amount of cash or a piece of property, you’re likely to see some of your relatives, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, and complete strangers angling to grab a bit of what you have.
Unless you practice stealth wealth (i.e., live a middle-class-looking lifestyle and avoid unnecessarily luxury purchases), there’s no hiding your inheritance. It can be very stressful to have people constantly come to you begging for money to help fix their problems.
Some of those issues are legitimate and you’ll want to help those people out because you genuinely care about them. Other problems are exaggerated or non-existent and come from folks who are envious of your ‘good’ luck, but who forget that a loved one of yours passed away for you to inherit that money. It can sometimes be hard to distinguish who has good intentions and who is just a great actor.
So, you have to be very clear, intentional, and upfront with your boundaries. For example, if you get a sizeable inheritance or win the lottery, set aside a specific amount of money that you’re willing to share with your family and loved ones, as well as how much you want to give to charitable organizations you support.
When large sums of money are at play, you should get everything in writing. For instance, if you decide to set up a trust fund for one person or give someone else some medical assistance, have your financial advisor or lawyer draft a contract. In it, you want to make it very clear that you’re offering up this money but will not give them anything else in the future.
It might sound like going overboard, but these sorts of contracts can save you a lot of headaches in the future when someone comes asking for more money because they have new needs and wants. In this particular case, the author of the viral online post had made her terms of support for her husband’s other child very clear from the get-go and stuck to her boundaries.
What are your thoughts on the tense situation, dear Pandas? Do you think the woman was right to stick to her boundaries or do you think she should have prioritized having a deeper relationship with her husband’s child and the mom? Have you ever been in a situation where someone you’re supporting keeps coming to you for more money? How did you handle things then? If you have a moment, we’d like to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Image credits: Invest Europe (not the actual photo)
The woman later replied to many people's questions and shared some more sensitive details
After reading about the tense situation, many internet users came out in support of the author
A few internet users were not convinced that this was the right way to approach things. Here's their take
