Transparency—it’s absolutely integral to any solid relationship, whether romantic or otherwise. Let’s be honest, it’s tough to trust someone who’s not been honest with you from the get-go. It really sends the wrong message when you lie about yourself. Especially about really obvious things.
One redditor, u/lyingnotheight, went viral on r/TwoHotTakes after explaining exactly why she doesn’t date guys who lie about their height. However, her post started a fiery debate online. While some internet users thought the OP was perfectly in the right, others were a bit skeptical about her approach to dating. You’ll find the full story and how the net reacted to it as you scroll down.
Dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, explained to Bored Panda what men can do to overcome their insecurities about height and shared his thoughts on how important a factor height actually is on dating apps. You'll find our full interview with him as you read on.
Many people value honesty in relationships and want their potential partners to be trustworthy
Image credits: Rawpixel (not the actual photo)
One woman revealed why she doesn't date guys who lie about their height
Image credits: BLACKDAY (not the actual photo)
Image source: lyingnotheight
Confidence and charisma are incredibly important in dating
We asked dating expert Bacon, from The Modern Man, what men can do to beat their insecurities about height. "He should learn how to make women feel attracted and interested in his personality, by becoming more confident, masculine, and charismatic," he shared with Bored Panda via email.
"When a shorter guy learns that skill and uses it during real-life interactions with women, he notices that many women suddenly find him attractive and are interested in him, despite him not being 6ft or above," he said.
Meanwhile, the dating expert went into detail about the impact that a guy's height can have when using dating apps. "Most women are picky about height on dating apps because they can be," Bacon explained that most dating app users are men, meaning that women have more options to choose from.
"As a result, women naturally become more choosy. You can't blame women for being picky like that on dating apps though. The reality is that if there were 2 or 3 times more women on dating apps compared to men, the situation would be reversed and men would be a lot more picky," the expert pointed out.
"So, if a guy is short, he shouldn't be spending a lot of time on dating apps, if any at all Instead, he should focus on attracting women in person, rather than trying to compete with thousands of other tall men who women will usually want to choose first," the founder of The Modern Man suggested a different approach.
"In terms of how much of a factor height is for women in dating: It is important to women and most women don't go looking for a guy who is shorter than them, whether they are using dating apps or trying to meet men in person. However, it doesn't mean that a guy needs to be 6ft tall to get himself a girlfriend."
Bacon revealed that in the United States, only 14.5% of adult males are 6ft or taller. "If women only went for men who were 6ft or taller, then 85.5% of guys would never be able to get a girlfriend. Also, most women just want a guy who is taller than them, rather than a guy who is 6ft or taller," he said.
"So, if a woman is 5'4'', she will often be happy with a guy who is 5'6" because he is taller than her. However, in some cases, she can also like a guy her own height or even shorter, if the guy is confident or charismatic enough."
The woman reiterated that it's the dishonesty, not the height itself, that is a big turn-off for her
Image credits: engin akyurt (not the actual photo)
The author of the viral post repeated—again and again—that it’s not guys’ height that she has an issue with. It’s the fact that they lie about being taller than they are. The OP’s logic is simple: if they’re willing to lie about something obvious that can be disproven very quickly, they might be dishonest about other aspects of their life as well.
Reddit user u/lyingnotheight essentially explained the logic the she personally applies to dating to the wider public. However, some readers were quick to judge her and thought that she discriminates against short men, something that she clearly spells out she does not. If in doubt, just read the OP’s username.
It’s perfectly understandable that different people prioritize different things in their potential partners. For some, honesty is absolutely paramount. For others, other qualities like courage, humor, or kindness might take first place. Others might have a particular body type or hair color that they’re extremely attracted to.
There’s nothing wrong with knowing exactly what you want in life, whether in your career or relationships. So if you have a set of standards that you want your partner to match, it’s perfectly all right to stay true to those values. At the same time, it’s also vital to evaluate your standards and to see if they’re not too constricting.
'Owning' your height, whatever it is, can be very attractive
Image credits: Andrew Wise (not the actual photo)
For instance, if someone feels constantly alone, but rejects potential partners the moment they make a single mistake, then it might be time to loosen up a little. Nobody’s perfect. By lowering our standards just a little and becoming more open to the possibility that people aren’t inherently bad, we might just end up being pleasantly surprised.
In other words, yes, lying is definitely a red flag. But for many shorter guys, height is a sore topic and they feel very insecure about this specific aspect of their bodies. Even someone who is otherwise kind and caring might feel embarrassed about his height. By giving these guys a chance beyond this one lie, someone might genuinely find their (otherwise) perfect partner. And, in turn, these men can later learn to accept their height and be proud of who they are, warts and all!
On the flip side, someone might not have the time and energy to give absolutely everyone a chance. Naturally, they focus on some potential partners rather than others. For example, depending on their values, they might choose to go on dates with people who are honest and instantly reject those who aren’t confident and honest enough to own who they are. It’s a time-saving strategy.
There are very few things that are more attractive than someone who is confident and knows their true worth. As one “very short” redditor put it, he’d always been transparent about his height on dating apps, up to and including when he met his wife.
According to him, being insecure about being short is an unattractive feature. On top of that, the Reddit user considers lying about this to be unethical. Meanwhile, he also thinks that it’s important to not waste time going on dates with people who might not be interested in you in the first place. By being open and honest about yourself and your values, you can filter out unsuitable partners far more quickly.
It's not just height that guys are often insecure about
Image credits: Thomas Marquize (not the actual photo)
Marriage and family therapist Katie Ziskind explains that men may be worried about their height because they’re scared that women will find them unattractive and that their peers will take them less seriously. On the flip side, taller men can have it tough, too.
“Men who are shorter may naturally surround themselves with friends around their same height. This builds a sense of normalcy. Men who are taller, above 6 feet, can be more self-conscious because many men and most women are always shorter than them. They can feel like an oddball,” the therapist told Fatherly.
However, height is far from the only thing that guys are insecure about. According to Fatherly, some other issues that men find extremely sensitive include hair loss, developing breasts, showing emotions, and their performance in the bedroom.
On top of that, men often worry about being good husbands and dads, as well as admitting that they may have been wrong about something.
Here's how some internet users reacted to the woman's story about her dating life
