Most men have, at the very least, planned to have their very own “man cave” at home. It’s a place where they can momentarily escape and decompress. Some may even compare it to Superman’s Fortress of Solitude.
On the flip side, most women would agree that there is nothing inherently wrong with having a man cave. This woman, however, had to rent out her husband’s space in the basement after he refused to take on his responsibilities as a father and head of the family.
The man was understandably unhappy, but what set his wife off was his willingness to deprive his sons of their hobbies so he could keep his precious sanctuary.
A husband’s “man cave” became a sore spot for a couple
Image credits: Prostock-studio / envato (not the actual photo)
The wife had grown fed up with his irresponsibility as a husband and father, pushing her to rent out his precious space
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envato (not the actual photo)
The husband didn't take it well, and quite expectedly
Image credits: [deleted]
Immature men may employ a bait-and-switch approach to win over a woman
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Based on all accounts, the author’s husband has shown classic man-child behavior. More formally known as the “Peter Pan Syndrome,” it basically refers to a grown man’s inability to act his age and take on the responsibilities of an adult.
Experts do refer to such people as man-children or man-babies, and have encountered a few as professionals. And according to veteran psychotherapist Dr. David Ward, these men tend to employ a “bait-and-switch” approach to win over a woman.
In his article for Vision Psychology Brisbane, Dr. Ward explains that the “bait” happens when the man puts on an impression of being a fun-loving, carefree individual anyone would love to be around.
Dr. Ward says the “switch” happens in the middle of the relationship, first in the form of what he refers to as “Trinity of Man-Babyhood”: video games, vices, and adult entertainment. When called out, he may explain he can’t stop, or that these are his “escape.”
“They still have a choice about what to do with what was given to them,” Dr. Ward wrote. “Some refuse to make that choice; they simply don’t do ‘Adult.’”
According to psychotherapist and relationship expert Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT, being unable to keep a job is a tell-tale sign of the Peter Pan Syndrome. The person may also lack healthy ways to cope with stress and is unlikely to help around the house.
Then, there’s weaponized incompetence, which, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Jenn Mann, is common among couples with children. But in this case, the husband may have shown reverse weaponized incompetence since he believes the cashier job is beneath him.
In such cases, Feuerman urges the establishment of boundaries for the sake of health and well-being. She noted that changing the partner isn’t he goal. Instead, it is about showing support for their efforts as they work on making changes.
For Dr. Ward, professional help is another viable option.
“It’s not an easy path for either party, but sometimes a listening ear of a therapist can help decide the direction of the path,” he wrote.
The man relented and agreed to rent out the space after the woman threatened to move out, which shows that he still cares. Going through therapy may be a good first step to resolving his issues, both with himself and his family.
The wife provided more context to her story
Many people in the comments sided with her
A few were against her, and they had their reasons
One reader thought both were at fault
