Plenty of people have done crazy things for love. Perhaps you’ve pretended that you enjoy the taste of olives to seem more in sync with your date. Or maybe you learned all of the lyrics to your partner’s favorite album to impress them. There’s nothing wrong with going above and beyond for someone you’re trying to woo. But according to the internet, there’s a fine line between adorable and unsettling.
One woman recently shared a story on Reddit that she told during her wedding vows, explaining how she won her husband’s heart. However, readers were split on whether the tale was heartwarming or creepy. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as a conversation with the author and some of the replies readers shared.
This woman had a crush on her husband long before they began dating
Image credits: Albertshakirov / Envato (not the actual photo)
So at their wedding, she admitted that she went out of her way to win him over
Image credits: Omelnickiy / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Far_Magazine_5084
"We’ve been together almost 10 years now, and there is zero pretending"
To find out more about this situation, we got in touch with the author, Reddit user Far_Magazine_5084. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and reveal what inspired her to share this story now.
"I saw a similar story posted on a different subreddit, and it made me think about it," the author said. "And I thought it was a funny story to share!"
We were also curious about whether or not her future husband noticed the items she "staged" when he stayed at her place. "Yes, he commented on the items," she revealed. "I remember he picked up the shirt, and we got to talking about the school, which sparked a conversation about his parents and my parents and how they may have been there at the same time. It was a good conversation starter!"
"He picked up the CD and was super excited," the author continued. "It was actually gifted to me by a friend who burned it for me with all my favorite songs from this band, which he thought was really cool, and it got us talking about which songs he would like on a mixtape. I don’t think it really changed anything about our relationship, other than getting us talking."
We also asked Far_Magazine_5084 what she thought of the responses to her post. "I think at this point, more than half of the replies are positive, so I’m okay with that," she shared. "I was extremely surprised at how many people are convinced I’m some kind of evil stalker. I definitely told the story in a purposefully dramatic way to make it funny, but I still don’t think it reads as ab*sive or manipulative or anything."
"I think a lot of assumptions were made, like there were years and years of pining, looking through windows, gathering information, which is 0% the case," the author clarified. "We had been talking on the phone and hanging out in a group setting and at his house before he came to my mine. I knew all of this about him organically, the same way any new girlfriend would. We also talked early on about his sister, and making sure everyone was comfortable with everything - which we all were. No one was manipulated here!"
Finally, Far_Magazine_5084 added, "I shared the post with my husband, who is just as confused and surprised as me at the negative comments. We’ve been together almost 10 years now, and there is zero pretending. We are both always surprising each other, and loving the most genuine versions of each other."
Pretending to like things for your partner is often a bad idea
Image credits: bernardbodo / Envato (not the actual photo)
Despite the fact that dating should be extremely simple, it often becomes incredibly overwhelming. You don’t want to love bomb, but you need to make it clear that you’re interested. Don’t play too hard to get, but don’t become clingy and annoying either.
Meanwhile, take all of the advice you read online with a grain of salt. Because at the end of the day, every person is different. And what will have one woman swooning might have another blocking your phone number.
When it comes to faking interests to impress a partner, Wendy L. Patrick, PhD, warns in a piece for Psychology Today that “mismatched interests can only be concealed for so long before they begin to take a toll on relational satisfaction.”
It’s common to exaggerate how much you enjoy watching football or how often you bake cookies to get a reaction out of your partner. But we have to be careful that this doesn’t lead us into relationships where we won’t be happy long term. For example, if you pretend that you love going for an early morning run every Saturday, your partner will be shocked if you suddenly have a breakdown one day about how much you despise running.
Instead of forcing yourself to pretend you love their hobbies, it might be healthier to join them every once in a while to show support. And when you don’t feel like participating, you can spend that time focusing on your own hobbies.
It’s certainly not necessary to enjoy the exact same activities as your partner to have a healthy relationship. However, Dr. Patrick says that it is important for couples to have shared activities that they both enjoy.
Honesty is a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship
Image credits: simonapilolla / Envato (not the actual photo)
Maybe you can play tennis with your partner, or perhaps you both love painting together. As long as you spend quality time together, there should be space in your relationship for your individual preferences as well.
Another aspect of this story is the importance of honesty in a relationship. No, you don’t have to spoil your partner’s surprise party or tell them how obvious the pimple on their forehead is. But we should definitely feel comfortable being open and honest about nearly everything in our romantic relationships.
Clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, PhD, told Verywell Mind that honesty allows you to be authentic with your partner, which can be extremely freeing. You don't have to worry about keeping up appearances when you’ve got nothing to hide. Meanwhile, being comfortable with honesty will help you communicate your needs. And, of course, this can go a long way in building trust in your relationship.
Some readers were appalled by the author’s admission, but the reality is that most of us have probably gone out of our way to impress a partner at some point. And if it actually works out and creates a happy, healthy relationship, who are we to judge?
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you're interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring similar relationship drama, look no further than right here.
Many readers found the story wholesome and heartwarming, and the author joined in on the conversation
However, some considered the author's behavior concerning
