Going on a first date is always a bit nerve-wracking. You might spend hours choosing the perfect outfit, reading countless Yelp reviews to pick the best meeting place and fantasizing about how you’d like the evening to go. Maybe, if you’re lucky, you and your date will have plenty of things in common and will be chatting nonstop until the sun comes up! But that’s the best case scenario, and unfortunately, there’s always a chance that the worst case scenario will become a reality too. And one woman who knows all too well how horribly a first date can go is TikToker Talisa0913.
Talisa recently shared a video detailing one of the worst first dates she has ever had, and it immediately went viral. So below, you can find her full TikTok detailing the unsettling experience she had with a “nice guy” on a date, as well as some of the comments invested viewers left and an update video she later shared. Then, after you’re finished reading all about Talisa's terrible date, if you’d like to check out another article from Bored Panda featuring first date horror stories, look no further than right here!
This TikToker, Talisa, has gone viral after sharing a terrible experience she had on a first date with a controlling "nice guy"
Image credits: talisa0913
Right off the bat, the date started going downhill
Me: Thank you for taking me here.
Him: You're welcome.
Waitress: All right, I'll get those going and then I'll come back and grab your order.
Me: Thank you very much. Alright, so I liked what she had mentioned about the scallops. That sounded really good. I'm a big seafood fan, so I think I'm gonna do that.
Him: Let me order for you. I'll surprise you. I know what you want.
Me: I hate surprises. You know this place better than me so...
The man immediately began exhibiting red flags as he attempted to decide everything for Talisa
Image credits: talisa0913
Image credits: talisa0913
Him: Yes, I do.
Me: So what are you getting?
Him: I'm getting the rib-eye with the mash potatoes.
Me: So what are you gonna order for me, then?
Him: The rib-eye with the mash potatoes.
Me: Oh, okay.
Image credits: talisa0913
He wouldn't even let her order the meal or drink that she preferred, claiming that he knows "what women like"
Him: You don't want wine.
Me: You don't like red wine? Is it not good here or something?
Him: You don't want to add on any calories, do you?
Image credits: talisa0913
Image credits: talisa0913
Me: No, but I mean, we're on a nice little date, so I think I can ignore it for now.
Him: I'll order you a drink that will suit what you're looking for.
Me: What the hell am I looking for?
Him: Something with less calories.
Image credits: talisa0913
Me: Yes, that is true. Wine does have a lot of sugar.
Him: I tend to know what women like.
Image credits: talisa0913
Me: Yeah, that's good. It's good. Not many guys do.
Him: I'm definitely a cut above the rest.
Waitress: Are you all set to order?
Me: Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with...
Him: She's actually going to have what I'm gonna have.
Image credits: talisa0913
Waitress: Either one of you'd like to add soup or salad tonight?
Me: Yeah I was gonna order the soup. Is that okay?
Him: That's fine.
At one point, Talisa headed to the ladies' room to complain about how this trainwreck was going
Image credits: talisa0913
Image credits: talisa0913
And when it was time to pay the bill, her date became even more assertive
Image credits: talisa0913
Me: If you don't mind, I'm going to take care of my bill because...
Him: I do mind. I will go ahead and take care of it...
Me: No, no, no, listen. I've had an experience like this in the past and I do not want a repeat so I will definitely...
Him: That's not me. You will not embarrass me.
Image credits: talisa0913
Me: Okay, it's not an embarrassment. Like, I can also just cash app...
Him: No, it is very much an embarrassment.
Me: Okay, don't worry about it. Just don't make a scene.
Even as they were leaving the restaurant and it was pouring down rain, Talisa's date demanded to act as a "gentleman" would
Me: I forgot you like to open the doors. Thank you. That's really nice of you.
Me: Alright, I'm just gonna run into the car. That's okay?
Him: No, no.
Me: Oh my god, okay. I could have gotten in there a lot faster if I just ran.
Him: NOPE! A gentleman has to get the door!
Me: That's fine, thank you.
Image credits: talisa0913
Image credits: talisa0913
You can watch the entire, uncomfortable experience right here
Going on a first date can be scary for anyone, but most of the time, men are only concerned about how the date will go and whether or not they’ll have a connection with the other individual. Women, on the other hand, tend to worry about how the date will pan out, as well as whether or not they will be safe. 83% of the victims of online dating-related sexual assaults are women, and about one third of dating app users have reported experiencing harassment or abuse on dates, so it can be scary to go meet someone alone, especially when alcohol might be involved.
Image credits: ametov41 (not the actual photo)
And when it comes to “nice guys” like Talisa mentioned in her video, it’s no secret that men who tout themselves as kind gentlemen tend to exhibit some red flags. These aren’t the guys who will actually be there for you when you need support; these are the guys who are performatively “nice” as a means of being controlling or manipulative. When it comes to where this behavior stems from, Psychologist Dr. Jesse Marczyk explained to The Independent that, “The men who tend to get stuck in the friend-zone might not be attractive enough on their own (physically, socially, or otherwise), and so try to compensate for their shortcomings by investing in women more than their peers. In other words, they might use kindness to try and make up for what they lack elsewhere.”
Image credits: StudioPeace (not the actual photo)
These men often have very rigid ideas about what behavior is appropriate for men and women, such as ordering certain foods or paying for the meal, and they assume that by being “kind” or being a “gentleman”, they deserve to be repaid by gaining a girlfriend or affection from women. Of course, that is not how relationships work, and it inevitably leads to them being disappointed when their plans don’t pan out. But it can be frightening to not know how a “nice guy” will respond to rejection or his date suddenly not going according to plan.
To put it plainly, some of this “nice guy” behavior can come off as downright scary on dates. Unfortunately, women are used to being the targets of unsettling individuals, as 82% of women report experiencing creepy behavior often, so we tend to be on guard when something seems off. But when 90% of rape victims are women, and over a dozen women have been murdered on first dates before, you can never be too careful. Of course, the impulse when you’re on an uncomfortable date, such as the experience Talisa documented on TikTok, is to just leave as soon as possible. But that can be taking a risk as well, if you’re unsure how your date will react if you try to leave.
So if you are a man who dates women and you’re looking for ways to ensure they feel safe and comfortable on a date with you, here are a few tips. The first few times you meet, it might be best to suggest having a daytime date in a public place like a park or a coffee shop. This way, there won’t be any alcohol involved, and you both get to meet in a very neutral, non-threatening environment. You can plan an activity or go to a museum, or allow the woman to choose something that’s right up her alley. This should go without saying, but never pressure her to order anything specific, and don’t feel the need to always open doors or pay for the bill. It’s 2023, so your date just wants to feel safe and have a great time. Don’t get too caught up in what a “gentleman” would do; just treat her as an equal and with respect.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this video in the comments down below, pandas. Have you ever experienced a nightmare first date like this? If so, feel free to share how you responded to your controlling date, and then if you’re interested in reading even more awful first date stories from Bored Panda, check out this list next.
Concerned readers began sharing their horrified reactions online, calling out all of the red flags this man exhibited
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Later, Talisa shared an update revealing that the video was actually a reenactment of an awful date she had previously experienced
Image credits: talisa0913
I have had 2 viral videos surfacing the web. The kind of content that I like to make and yes, it is content, people, this is TikTok. If you are easily offended or triggered, you probably don't want to be on social media because people are going to push it. These are two very real things that have happened to me in the past. One particular, which was my latest, 'the very overly nice guy' skit, actually was a date I had many, many years ago and it was traumatizing. And I think he was probably a trafficker.