Navigating the wild world of online dating isn’t easy. You might have thousands of options to swipe through, but finding someone you’re attracted to who’s also interested in you and has similar interests can feel like finding a needle in a haystack.
So when TikToker Fi Rooney found a match online, she decided to get to know him for a few days before deciding whether or not they should actually meet up in person. And when she expressed that she actually wasn't interested in a date, the man unleashed a swarm of angry voice memos on her. Below, you’ll find a video that Fi shared featuring all of the messages she received, as well as a conversation with Licensed Professional Counselor and Life Coach, Jacy Robinson.
After informing a man she met online that she wasn't interested in a date, this creator was inundated with bitter voice messages
Image credits: @therealfifilaroux
Speaker Two: "So yeah, best of luck to you, just next time, when you're gonna let someone down, don't make it Sunday night when they're just chilled out. Like, God, man. Well, to be fair, I think I've absolutely dodged a bullet, to be honest, man, and saved myself some fuel money. So yeah. Best of luck to you."
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
"I mean, hey, if you don't want to give someone an answer who, we were just like, we were talking for quite a few days. And, like you, you elicit an emotional response from me. So if you just wanted to end it all with one message, like, fair enough. Don't insult my intelligence by saying, 'Hey, I think the reason I don't want to message all day is because I've been busy.' You knew, you would just wait until you had all your fun in the sun for a weekend, and then you're just gonna go, right? All the good bits over.
And also, big red flag is you talking about ADHD right from the get-go. So many people talking about their ADHD and their neurodiversity within the first few sentences are massive red flags, because it's like, your entire personality. And it's not that interesting. I'm have ADHD, I don't use it as an excuse. So anyway, Tara, I figured I'm already on your [black] list anyway. And if it was about physical attraction, well, and I'm not expecting you were, just because you're not rude. You're not nasty. But you're not going to turn around and say, 'so I don't find you physically attractive.' But hey, I wasn't exactly blown away by you, myself. But I was willing to just give it a go. Because I just liked your personality. So take that. But it's just inferior that I knew you were feeling this way. You didn't just come out with it. Like, no one just comes out with that. You gave me no respect."
Image credits: Hassan OUAJBIR (not the actual photo)
"To be honest, yes, I feel like I'm lashing out and I'm annoyed because basically, I feel like, and this has always come across from my point of view, anyway, is that I was used because you were just a little bit bored. Then as soon as you've gone off and had fun, or you've probably shagged someone over there, I don't know."
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
"And then you've just decided, oh, no, actually, I'm done with him now. It's back to reality tomorrow. Just don't fancy him anymore. To not even give me like, one interaction in person, which I was prepared to do, is like, I don't know, man, that's where it's at for me. And yet, you don't owe me any explanation. You don't owe me any of these things. I just simply wanted them because I felt like I put enough time and considered how, and that you've obviously rejected a few people, I feel. And maybe that's unfair of me to say that outright. You know, I'm giving you the voice notes. I'm just giving you the raw stuff. I am thoroughly, thoroughly not interested in seeing you whatsoever. So we're done. That's fine. I just, yeah, just bye.
So anyway, good luck with the next person, to be honest, going by the way you've acted by just cutting this off without even giving it a chance gives me the idea that who you were going to see in London is not a friend, it's someone that you are romantically interested in, which is like, don't be on the bloody app if that's the case. I just don't buy it. Or I do not take back what I'm saying. Like, I feel like we would have been wasting our time because I would have probably just got the ick from actually interacting with you in person. Go get some accountability."
Image credits: @therealfifilaroux
You can see the full video with all of the voice messages right here
Dealing with rejection is an inevitable part of dating
Despite the fact that rejection is an inevitable part of dating, it can be very difficult for some of us to take. So to learn more about this specific situation, we reached out to Licensed Professional Counselor and Life Coach, Jacy Robinson. Jacy was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and break down why it can be so difficult to accept rejection.
"Whether it’s rejection or accountability, it’s hard for people to accept realities that do not align with the person they think they are," the expert explained. "It is common for people to take rejection as a personal attack. I think this especially occurs if a person values external validation more highly than internal validation. Rejection acts as a piece of evidence that influences their unhelpful thoughts about themselves, which is unfortunate."
Rather than sending a slew of voice memos, Jacy noted that a healthier way to respond to rejection is to simply accept it. "Radical acceptance is a great skill that requires the person utilizing the skill to accept things as they are, without judgement," she shared. She also warned that reacting like the man in this story did is 100% a red flag. "I can also say that if someone responds [like this] in one setting, it may be generalized to other similar settings as well," Jacy added.
"I think the issue with rejection is entitlement," the expert noted. "It begins in childhood, when kids are conditioned to not accept no for an answer. A way to resolve this issue is to simply say no to your kids sometimes. Let them know that they are able to say no as well. Also, provide reassurance when they are told no. Being told no does not mean you are not valuable or inferior."
It's important not to take rejection personally
It’s natural to have a slight fear of rejection, as one study found that 60% of men have felt insecurities when it comes to dating, often linked to the fear of being turned down. But we have to remember not to let those worries stop us from taking any action. Relationship expert Rachael Lloyd explained to Mashable that, when we’re looking for a partner, we’re trying to find a great match. If both parties aren’t on the same page, there’s no need to even desire a relationship with them.
It’s also wise not to take rejection personally, Lloyd recommends, as you’re not being rejected as much as the relationship is. This person might not see a future with you because you want different things, you have different interests or you just don’t happen to be their type. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you as a person.
As Dita Von Teese once said, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” Not every person you encounter is going to be someone you’d like to date, and you can’t expect everyone to want to date you either. While rejection might sting in the moment, try to put a positive spin on it and realize that you’re now one step closer to finding the person you are meant to be with. You’ve eliminated one more option, so you can stop wasting your time with them and move onto the next!
If you’re having a difficult time dealing with the pain of being turned down, CNBC shared a piece detailing ways to keep your spirits up. First, they recommend taking a beat in between relationships to pick yourself back up. You don’t have to ease the pain of rejection by quickly jumping onto a dating app or into someone else’s DMs. Take some time to do some self reflection as well. What can you learn from this experience? How can you use this knowledge to help you in future relationships?
Being turned down does not mean that you deserve love any less
Remember to be kind to yourself as well. Resist the temptation to believe that being rejected is because of some moral failing you have or due to your physical insecurities. You are not any less deserving of love, especially from yourself. And try not to compare yourself to others either. It can be easy to start looking at other relationships and wondering why they get to be so happy when you don’t, but being single can come with plenty of perks!
Finally, CNBC suggests that you surround yourself with people who do make you feel valued after experiencing rejection. Find friends or family members who you enjoy spending time with and who allow you to be 100% yourself around them. Don’t stop enjoying life just because a few relationships didn’t work out.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Have you ever received messages like this after turning someone down? Feel free to share in the comments below, and let us know how you would have reacted to these voice memos. Then, if you're interested in reading another Bored Panda piece discussing the wild world of dating, we recommend checking out this piece next!
Viewers were shocked by the voice memos and were quick to call out the man for exhibiting various red flags
