“AITA For Leaving The Hospital After My Sister Gave Birth And Announced The Name Of Her Baby?”

Choosing a name for your future baby is a special experience for many parents-to-be. However, for one woman on Reddit, what should have been a joyful moment turned into a source of heartbreak.

After years of struggling with infertility, she and her husband kept a list of baby names they dreamed of using one day. But her hopes were crushed when her sister, who already has five children, chose one of those names for her newborn son.

Find the full story below, and see what baby name expert Abby Sandel had to say about it.

Choosing a baby name can be a long and emotional journey, often involving hours of creating lists and dreaming about the kind of person your child might become. So, it’s no surprise that the woman on Reddit got upset over her sister ‘stealing’ a name she had been saving.

“This is just such a painful situation, isn’t it?” baby name expert Abby Sandel told Bored Panda. “Names aren’t just letters on paper. They carry all of our hopes and dreams for the family we want to build. This can be even more true for couples struggling with infertility.”

As Sandel points out, sometimes taking a name someone else wanted can be purely coincidental. For example, two family members might both want to name their child after their grandmother. “I think it’s always worth considering whether your children can share a name,” says Sandel. “Could Eleanor’s granddaughters go by Ellie and Nora? If your college roommate also loves the name Liam, will it really matter if you only see each other a few times a year?”

But if you’re really set on a specific name, it can be tough to give it up, and that can lead to conflicts with those close to you.

“In general, my rule is this: relationships matter more than names,” Sandel says. “The most hurtful situations are ones like the Reddit user’s: you have a favorite name, and someone who is supposed to care about you learns that name—especially if it’s uncommon—and then uses it without considering your feelings.”

“A coincidence hurts. Intentionally taking the name is a whole other level of ouch.”

Sandel suggests there are several steps you can take if you think the baby name you want to use might cause an issue. If you’re determined to use the name, even if it might strain a relationship, she recommends giving the person a heads-up.

“In this case, you’re not asking for permission, but you are giving the other person time to prepare,” she explains. “For example: ‘I know you’ve always loved the name Jack, but it’s my husband’s grandfather’s name, and since he just passed, we feel strongly this is meant to be our son’s name.’”

Alternatively, if you’re open to considering someone else’s feelings, it’s a good idea to ask. “Maybe you have two favorite names, and you’d prefer Emma... but you’d go with Sophie if it avoids hurting your sister-in-law,” Sandel notes. “In that case, you could say, ‘We’d really like to name our baby Emma, but I know you’ve mentioned how much you love it for a future daughter.’ In a perfect world, she’ll respond like Monica Geller on Friends and be thrilled that you’re using such a great name.”

Sandel’s heart breaks for the OP on Reddit. “The new mom could’ve chosen a different name—or at the very least, told her sister privately before announcing it to everyone else.”

“To anyone who suggests it’s just a name and you should let it go,” Sandel concludes, “I’d say: ‘It’s not just about the name. It’s about implying that I’ll never be a parent, and therefore my feelings and preferences don’t matter.’”