One of the key defining aspects of a modern, 21st-century society is the freedom to make choices. And it’s even more so if said choices are personal and have everything to do with just you.
However, where there’s a choice, there’s likely to be push-back, and some topics tend to be more controversial than others.
A woman has recently posted a now-viral video featuring her celebrating her sterilization, which in turn sparked quite a reaction from people on the internet.
More Info: TikTok
Making a choice is often a difficult thing to do, and not because of personal reasons, but because of factors beyond your reach
Image credits: abbysworldsastage
Meet Abby Ramsay, a 25-year-old asexual actress, model, and activist from Los Angeles—with whom Bored Panda got in touch for an interview—who has recently been going viral for her video officially celebrating her sterilization. Abby’s story is long and full of hurdles, but we’ll try to hit on the key points and why it all matters.
So, Abby, despite having grown up in a rather religious background—which, as you might have guessed, can be very pro-kids—has made a decision to get sterilized and to live child-free. And while there are many other ways to achieve the same goal, she explained that regular forms of birth control aren’t an option for her—hormones and pills make her sick, there’s fear of foreign objects being inside her, and condoms aren’t a 100 percent guarantee.
"My journey began when I turned 18. I realized that traditional birth control methods were not right for me (the pill and hormonal options made me sick and I have a few phobias that kept implants from being an option), and since I had known for a while that giving birth was not something I wanted, I figured I would start the process of asking," elaborated Abby. "I realized at the time that it would probably take years of asking, but I was not prepared for how emotionally taxing it would be, or even how hostile (for lack of a better word) some of the doctors would get."
But after 6 years of running from doc to doc and jumping through hoops, 25 Y.O. Abby has finally gotten sterilized
Image credits: abbysworldsastage
Now, as you might have already guessed, her journey wasn’t easy. There was a surprisingly huge number of docs (about 6 years' worth of them, mind you) who refused to perform the sterilization surgery for a number of reasons, but mostly because they thought she was too young and that she would still likely change her mind.
And as if making this decision wasn’t easy enough, many of these doctors sounded either skeptical, or even somewhat condescending regarding Abby’s choice of sterilization. She would often leave doctor’s offices feeling defeated and crying. She also pointed out that her white male therapist (who some docs recommended talking to) was extremely supportive of her decision, while so many doctors, all female, were against it.
"There’s this idea that there’s some internal biological clock that women have, and it could go off at any moment and you’ll change your mind. The belief that if you just go through with it and have the baby that maternal instinct will kick in and magically fix everything. That it is what a woman is supposed to do for humanity, or god, or society. And a lot of these ideas are harmful, not just to child free people, but to parents too," explained Abby about doctor pushback.
"Some people will say it is because doctors are afraid of getting sued if you regret it, but the truth is there is so much paperwork involved, and so much information given to you to ensure that you know what you’re signing up for. You give your informed consent way before any surgery happens, and there are so many steps taken. They even let you know (at least with my big procedure, the bi-salp) that you can still conceive with IVF if you want. There are so many options with modern medicine, that it shouldn’t even really be an issue."
Image credits: abbysworldsastage
Abby continued: "I do think a lot of it comes down to sexism. So many of the doctors will ask you what your husband thinks, or what if you end up with another partner who wants a kid, and it’s so frustrating to be at a doctor, asking for a procedure that would help YOUR body, just for them to be more concerned about the desires of someone else who might not even exist."
"I think it’s easier to get a vasectomy because of the idea that it is reversible. And while that’s true to an extent, it’s not as reversible as a lot of people think. And while I agree to an extent that it would be easier and cheaper for someone’s partner to get a vasectomy, let’s be honest, we live in 2022. People with uteruses can have multiple sexual partners, and you can’t expect that every one of them will have a vasectomy."
"I absolutely believe that many of the doctors I went to had biases, religious or otherwise. One said outright that she did not believe in performing the surgery unless it was 'absolutely necessary', not taking my physical pain into account when she made that judgement. I only went to female identifying OBGYNs in hopes that I would escape some of the more sexist reasoning, but the idea that 'if you have a uterus, you’re going to want to give birth.' was not easily avoided."
The video went viral with over 3.8M views and has generated quite a bit of reactions from the internet
Image credits: abbysworldsastage
Abby has documented much of her journey on her TikTok channel, answering people's questions about it along the way
Image credits: abbysworldsastage
But, she finally found a doctor who agreed to do the surgery at the Complete Women’s Care Center in Southern California. In fact, the doctor who performed the surgery also had the surgery herself, which is always reassuring when it comes to being supported by your doctor.
Abby explained that the most challenging part of it all was how emotionally draining it was. Back when she was 18, she sort of expected to be talked down and to be treated as a kid. When she reached 21, she started thinking that people will take her more seriously, but nothing really changed. "If not worse. It just got more and more frustrating as I got older. I kept thinking 'When will I be an adult to you?'"
"It was like they thought they knew me better than they knew myself and my own life in the span of 15 minutes. Like, this is a surgery I’m asking for. It’s not something I’m going to take lightly. I’ve thought about this extensively and gone over every possible outcome. It doesn’t matter that I may change my mind and want a kid in the future, what matters is I know 100% I never want to be pregnant or give birth."
The worst were the talks about her pain. The doctors would just send her home with a bunch of pills without running any tests, looking at nothing, and she would just end up having another period in pain so extreme she would vomit.
One of the biggest questions for everyone was why, and in a nutshell it was because she had no other options
Image credits: abbysworldsastage
The surgery went well, she felt great, got a loads of rest, during which she started answering loads of people’s questions about it all. Speaking of which…
Comments were all over the spectrum, ranging from congratulations to support to women saying they wish they could do the same, to the other side of the spectrum, which is ironic, sarcastic and just pure hate comments.
And needless to say, this has become a bit of a discussion as a result, because on one hand, you have those who are for women being able to choose what they want for their body and life, and on the other hand there are those against it, resorting to putting “sick” labels on her, attempting to appeal to “what ifs,” and, classic, playing the God card.
Another question was why it took so long, which was mainly doctors hindering the process
Image credits: abbysworldsastage
Image credits: abbysworldsastage
Her video got over 3.8 million views with over 600,000 likes and thousands of comments. This is besides all of her other videos on the topic, which on average accumulated between 15 and 30 thousand views.
Image credits: abbysworldsastage
You can check out the original celebration video below
As mentioned previously, people had varied opinions, with some not agreeing at all, but most were positive and supportive
Lastly, we've asked Abby if she could give some advice to anyone dealing with a similar issue. And she said this:
"If they don’t listen to you, you can leave. I can’t tell you how much I wish I had just walked out of some of those appointments instead of sitting there and just letting them treat me like a child. This is YOUR appointment. You don’t have to take their [crap] if you don’t want to."
She concluded: "I get a lot of 'who cares?' comments, especially on these articles. And initially I wondered the same thing. The video was supposed to be for my friends, family, and the few followers who knew it was something I was trying to do. But after it blew up, I realized that a lot of people actually cared, because there were so many other people out there who wanted the same thing and were having the same problems that I have had. Since telling my story, people have been using it as an opportunity to share stories and resources of their own and support each other in their own search, and honestly, that has been the best part of all of this."
Abby documented much of her journey on her TikTok channel, including everything from where to start and how to prepare to what it feels like, the logistics and whatnot, so you can find the finer details of the story there.
But before you scurry off, share your thoughts with us in the comment section below!