When it comes to weddings, the stars of the show are generally the bride and groom. It is their big day afterall. But what happens when someone else tries to insert themselves into the planning and the actual event?
Ask one woman, who says not only did she have big drama in the run-up to her wedding but also had her once-in-a-lifetime wedding photos ruined. For some bizarre reason, her mother-in-law refused to allow the bride and groom to have a photo taken together alone. She rocked up in white and photobombed their pics, despite being asked not to. What transpired next was more than just a heated argument. The saga could spell the end of the entire marriage.
It was meant to be one of the happiest days of their life together...
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Instead, it paved the way to a pending annulment - all thanks to the antics of a mother-in-law and her mama's boy son
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual image)
Image credits: benzoix (not the actual image)
Image credits: Human_Lifeguard_28
Why so many mother-in-laws cause wedding drama, according to the experts
Weddings are stressful enough to plan without the added drama of an interfering mother-in-law. Often, they mean well and even the kindest, most loving MIL can throw a spanner in the works. But experts say that if you're prepared, and know how to handle things, you'll be able to save yourself a lot of headaches - and avoid conflict.
According to Brides.com, conflicts between those getting married and their mothers-in-law are extremely common, especially in the early stages of wedding planning. The key is to develop healthy communication patterns with your MIL early on.
“If you feel that you are in a relationship with someone that you see yourself marrying, it’s important to invest time in that relationship with their parents,” explains Lauren Mollica, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “The wedding planning process is just an example of overcoming stress or an obstacle together, and when you are married to someone there will be bigger things that you will have to come together to tackle. Developing a relationship where sharing feelings is normalized sets really great groundwork.”
The experts say that often, wedding drama has nothing to do with the seating arrangement, color of the flowers, cost of the caterers or other practicalities. Instead, there are deeper issues at play like emotional insecurities, transitions, and family history.
“Historically, this can be a pivotal time where there might be clashes between how a [person] was raised, family traditions, and moving towards acceptance from the mother-in-law that her [child] will be creating [their] own traditions and priorities,” Mollica told Brides.com.
She adds that it's a big moment of reflection when it comes to new family boundaries that are being created. This is sometimes scary to handle. "The bride [or groom] is also coming in with their own traditions and values; it creates this dance of fear and defensiveness that can get really ugly,” the expert said.
Of course, your future spouse's relationship with their mother can also play a role.
“Weddings can bring up a host of emotional issues for families,” says licensed psychotherapist, Dr. Akua K. Boateng. “Unmet dreams and failed expectations can be the source of conflict. It is a parent's attempt to navigate their relevance within the child's life as they reckon with the potential loss of connection and dependence.”
When it comes to mothers-in-law who try to take over all the planning, Mollica believes their behavior is rooted in anxiety. They want their child's big day to be perfect.
Whatever your MIL might be throwing at you in the run-up to your wedding, the secret lies in communication, setting boundaries and having some compassion.
Image credits: Drazen Zigic (not the actual image)
Many supported the woman but some felt she had been warned
"Treat yourself better": some believed that everyone, including the wife, could do better
