A birthday is an occasion to celebrate; it's the day you were born, after all! And what better way to commemorate it than with a special dinner? In fact, 31% of Americans go out to eat for their birthday almost every year. And 49% say they do so some years.
This guy's girlfriend took it upon herself to organize him a birthday dinner. However, it soon became apparent that the celebration was less about him and more about her. When the guests, comprised mostly of her friends, began toasting her, the birthday boy decided to leave. As she accused him of embarrassing her, he decided to ask people online: was he the jerk in this situation?
A man's birthday dinner turned sour when his girlfriend decided to steal the attention
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He didn't get a cake or a "happy birthday", so he decided to quietly leave
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The girlfriend in this story was being a self-centered partner
Some people like to be the center of attention. They thrive when the spotlight is on them and enjoy all kinds of praise thrown in their direction. But when does that need for attention become inappropriate and borders on being too self-absorbed?
The line can be particularly thin in relationships. Some people often feel underappreciated and unseen by their partners. But relationships are supposed to be about lifting each other up. As relationship etiquette expert Mara Opperman told Bustle, relationships are about "we", not "I". "Relationships should be about being together," she explained.
It can be hard to spot if your partner is too selfish or you're just expecting too much from them. But there are some tell-tale signs, like not taking accountability that you didn't invite your BF's friends to his birthday party. Thinking they're always right and never apologizing is a sign of a self-centered partner.
Being happy for your partner and celebrating occasions like their birthday is important as well. A partner's happiness should be a priority. "Consider how often you think about making your partner happy, or caring about what your partner wants or feels," Tina B. Tessina, PhD, also told Bustle. "There should be a balance and mutuality. That means, each of you cares both about yourselves and about each other."
The girlfriend in this story, however, failed to do both. She also ignored his feelings about the birthday dinner fiasco and complained he did not appreciate her effort. That's a lot of "Me, me, me!"
"Giving and receiving are important for both people in the relationship. If you are always taking and not giving back, this is a sign of selfishness," Opperman explained.
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Altruistic people report having happier marriages
Some people say that we're living in an era of selfishness. It's all about "me time", self-love, and getting rid of toxic people in our lives. And while it's definitely important to preserve our inner peace, we can sometimes forget to care and show up for other people.
But relationships are about celebrating your partner, not just reveling in your own victories. The girlfriend saying that the boyfriend's birthday was "a chance to celebrate us and her hard work planning it" really shows that she wasn't organizing the dinner out of altruism.
When we love someone, we're more likely to do things for them and not expect something in return. According to a survey by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, altruistic love is related to happier marriages.
Couples who agreed with the statements "I'd rather suffer myself than let the one I love suffer" and "I'm willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let the one I love achieve his or hers" reported "very happy" marriages more often than those who were profiled as less altruistic.
Of course, like with everything else in life, there should be balance. We shouldn't give up our wishes and values entirely for our partner to be happy. A healthy dose of selfishness helps us preserve our dignity and can help us spot toxic relationship patterns.
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People called out the GF's main character tendencies: "You weren't dramatic, you were disrespected"
A few days later, the guy posted an update: his relationship took an unexpected turn
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