There are tons of jokes about how ‘awful’ mothers-in-law are. Unfortunately, some of them are far worse in real life than in fiction. Stereotypically, couples in long-term relationships don’t get along with each other’s MILs. But how many of them had to deal with in-laws who actively try to sabotage their wedding day?
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Redditor u/bridetobe-ta turned to the AITA online community for their advice. The bride wondered if she was in the wrong to uninvite her MIL from her wedding after she learned how she tried to get rid of her dress. Read on for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to u/bridetobe-ta via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Organizing your wedding is stressful enough as it is. You don't need your relatives adding more pressure on top of that
Image credits: Oana Lupescu (not the actual photo)
A bride-to-be shared how her mother-in-law reacted to her wedding dress and what she did next
The MIL quickly learned that her actions have very direct consequences
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: bridetobe-ta
It's hard to tell whether the MIL thought that she had 'good intentions' or simply resented the bride
Mothers-in-law get a bad rap, but they’re not all bad. They’re also not all saints—they’re human beings just like you and us. And so, they’re as imperfect as we are: they sometimes make mistakes, act entitled, do irrational things, and hold grudges against others for illogical reasons. However, that’s not an excuse to treat someone else poorly.
The mature thing to do in these sorts of situations would be to sit down and talk things out. Your in-laws will likely play a large role in your future life with your partner, so it’s best to air out any issues you all might have. Having to deal with constant tension and criticism is no way to live.
As we’ve covered on Bored Panda before, the issue is that some people (whether they’re your in-laws or anyone else) try to have too much of a presence in your relationship. They try to be too involved in the couple’s day-to-day lives and this can create a lot of stress.
Some people might do this because they genuinely have good intentions and want only what’s best. Others might feel that they’re the only ones who can make the ‘right’ decisions, so they might want to show off how much ‘better’ and ‘wiser’ they are. It’s hard to distinguish what a person’s actual intentions might be (wanting to help vs. spiting others) without knowing them personally.
Image credits: danlefeb (not the actual photo)
It's essential to set and enforce healthy boundaries
It’s up to the couple to set healthy boundaries with their family, friends, and acquaintances. Someone who constantly ignores these boundaries needs to learn that this simply won’t do: you need to draw a line in the sand and explain—in a friendly but firm way—that what they’re doing is making you uncomfortable and they should stop.
If they don’t, they need to know that there will be consequences. Being uninvited from the wedding for trying to mess with the bride’s dress is an example of this. Or, to put it a bit more bluntly, “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”
If a person cares about their partner, they will do their best to respect their in-laws as well. However, it’s important to understand that this respect should only extend as much as it’s appropriate for the relationship. For instance, if your soulmate’s parents play an active role in their life and they’re all very close-knit, you might be expected to put in more effort to get to know them. On the flip side, if your partner isn’t close to their folks, you shouldn’t rush to become tight with them.
Similarly, each person should strive to ensure that their parents don’t play an overly-active role in their relationship and married life if this deeply annoys their partner.
Image credits: Thomas AE (not the actual photo)
There are many red flags that your in-laws might be toxic
According to psychotherapist Dr. Susan Forward, some of the signs that your in-laws might be toxic include them one-upping everything that you say, disregarding your feelings, being overly self-involved, and being incredibly invasive in your marriage. What’s more, Dr. Forward mentions in her book, ‘Toxic In-Laws,’ that they’re likely to gossip a lot, be overly critical, make you feel inferior, hold grudges, love stirring up drama, and generally have a negative attitude.
Some of the tools in your arsenal for dealing with awful mothers- and fathers-in-law include emotionally detaching yourself from whatever the situation might be, avoiding judging yourself too harshly, and letting go of any unrealistic expectations about the relationship between all of you.
What’s more, you can ask your partner to step in and try to enforce some boundaries. If all of that fails, having some space and spending some time apart from your in-laws can be a good way to reset things. Remember, you and your partner are a team! And nobody, absolutely nobody should be messing with the bride’s wedding dress.
Image credits: Shardayyy (not the actual photo)
Many readers were very supportive of the bride. Here's what they said about the entire pre-wedding drama
