Doing something nice for your significant other feels, well, nice. There are lots of ways that you can support them when they’re going through a tough time. Like getting up early to make them a homemade lunch to pack for work. The sad reality is that some folks won’t be grateful. And they might lie about it, too.
One devastated woman asked the ‘Relationship Advice’ online community for help with a nasty situation with her boyfriend. She shared how she has been making him lunches for a year and a half, only for him to secretly throw them away every single time. Scroll down for the full story and to see what advice the internet gave her.
Most people would probably be happy if their significant other surprised them with a home-cooked lunch to pack for work. But unfortunately, not everyone is grateful
Image credits: Vitor Monthay / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
One woman, who had been getting up at dawn to make lunch for her boyfriend for a year and a half, learned that he had been secretly throwing it away every single day
Image credits: Craig Adderley / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwawayshtcook
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Mutual respect is absolutely fundamental to healthy, happy, long-term relationships. Without it, everything crumbles
At the core of this unpleasant situation lie dishonesty, a lack of transparency, poor communication, and complete disrespect for one’s significant other.
Healthy long-term relationships—romantic, familial, platonic, or otherwise—require mutual respect. There must be a fair sense of give-and-take.
If one person puts a disproportionate amount of effort into the relationship while the other doesn’t reciprocate, something is deeply wrong.
In this specific case, the woman shared online how she got up at dawn six days a week, for a year and a half, to make her boyfriend lunch for work. This is a huge sacrifice of time and effort on her part.
What’s more, she assumed that her efforts were directly helping her boyfriend, who had been having a tough time at work. Not only did he betray her trust by throwing out every single lunch she ever packed him, but he also failed to communicate in any way that she should stop making him food.
This level of disrespect and dishonesty is enough to shake the foundations of any relationship. It’s hard to trust someone who has been lying to your face every day for a long time, while encouraging you to waste your precious time.
You’ll probably agree that the fairest thing to do would be to tell your partner that you have an issue with their food, if that’s the main issue. It would be incredibly awkward, sure, but there’s no healthy alternative to honesty.
Meanwhile, if the problem isn’t the food itself, but you feel embarrassed to bring homemade lunches while your colleagues eat the cafeteria food, the issue might lie in you, not your partner.
This isn’t school anymore. You’re an adult, and you can make your own decisions. If you think that you won’t get a promotion because you’re eating your partner’s homemade food, you probably have serious self-esteem issues or a pathological need to be liked by anyone and everyone.
Image credits: Eren Li / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Some people might choose to deceive their partners because they're scared of the consequences of their actions, want to hide their insecurities, or aim to avoid conflict
We know that we’d be thrilled if our significant other chose to take time out of their busy day to make us lunch for work. And we’d be happy to reciprocate. It’s a pity others don’t appreciate what they already have.
According to Verywell Mind, deception and lying aren’t exactly the same, even though they’re very similar.
“Lying refers specifically to the act of making a false statement. Deception, on the other hand, is a much broader term that encompasses any act or strategy intended to mislead or create a false impression. It can involve actions, words, or omissions. Lying is essentially a smaller subset of deceptive behavior.”
There are lots of reasons why someone might actively deceive their significant other. For example, they might want to avoid conflict, preserve their self-image, or hide their insecurities.
What’s more, they might be scared of the consequences of their actions, feel trapped, be terrified of being judged, or want to maintain their privacy or independence.
However, deception harms your relationship. “The deceiver may struggle to trust that their partner wants to be with the real them and fear losing them – although this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as they deceive their partners and end up losing them as a result,” clinical psychologist and relationship expert Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, explained to Verywell Mind.
When you’ve read through the full story and everyone’s comments, we’d like to hear from you, too, Pandas. What was your first reaction when you found out about the man throwing out his girlfriend’s lunches?
What would go through your mind if you realized that your partner had been lying to you for years about something nice you’ve been doing for them? Let us know down below.
The internet was horrified by what they read. Here's what folks online told the devastated author of the story
Some time later, the woman shared an update with more context
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwawayshtcook
She followed things up with yet another update
Image credits: throwawayshtcook
Here's how some people reacted to the follow-up posts
