In healthy relationships, trust, openness, and respect are fundamental. They’re non-negotiable! There’s nothing that erodes trust quicker than the sneaking suspicion that your partner might be cheating on you. For some people, emotional cheating is just as bad as physical infidelity.
A distraught and newly married internet user, u/didntknowpickingaus, asked the r/TwoHotTakes community for advice after considering ending her marriage right after the honeymoon.
Keep scrolling to read the full story, to see what advice the internet gave the author, and for an all-important update. Meanwhile, Bored Panda has reached out to u/didntknowpickingaus via Reddit, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from her.
It can be incredibly hard to rebuild trust once it's been broken. For some people, emotional affairs are akin to physical ones
Image credits:Prostock-studio (Not the actual photo)
One woman desperately wanted the internet's input on what she should do after she suspected her husband was chatting with another woman
Image credits: didntknowpickingaus
Privacy and secrecy are very different. The former can be healthy while the latter is linked to feelings of guilt and shame
The author of the viral post opened up about how she and her husband had an open phone policy in their relationship. It’s not something that all couples will be familiar with, but it essentially means that both partners agree to give each other access to each other’s phones.
That means being 100% honest about any social media conversations, text messages, emails, and even search histories. On the one hand, this promotes total openness. On the other hand, it implies that there might potentially be an undercurrent of distrust in the relationship.
After all, having some privacy in your life isn’t a sin. Privacy is very different from secrecy. Broadly speaking, when it comes to secrets, you shouldn’t feel guilty about keeping them if they don’t directly affect your partner. It’s your choice in those scenarios.
However, if it does impact your significant other, you should be open about it. A bit of empathy goes a long way. Imagine yourself in your partner’s shoes and consider how you’d feel about certain information being kept from you.
Meanwhile, if there are feelings of shame and guilt associated with a piece of info, then you’re very likely being secretive (rather than simply private) by keeping it under wraps.
Once broken, trust takes a lot of consistent effort over a long period to rebuild. The bigger the breach of trust, the more time it will take to fix.
Image credits:Porapak Apichodilok (Not the actual photo)
Open phone policies have their fair share of upsides and downsides. They can work for some couples but not others
Therapist Lea Trageser told ‘She Knows’ that it’s up to the couple to decide the boundaries for their open phone policy. Everything depends on your relationship dynamics and what you feel the most comfortable with.
Meanwhile, licensed marriage and family therapist Laurie Singer explained that for some couples, sharing passwords and access to each other’s devices can build a stronger relationship. In some cases, it can be a temporary policy after a breach of trust.
That said, these arrangements aren’t for everybody. There are certain drawbacks. For one, open phone policies are an invasion of privacy. Not everyone’s comfortable with that, even if they’re committed, honest with their partners, respect them, and have no intention of ever cheating on them.
Moreover, these policies can indicate a lack of trust, and some couples can end up weaponizing them. It can all lead to resentment rather than a stronger relationship.
Image credits:Adrienn (Not the actual photo)
The author opened up about some additional details in the comments
A lot of readers offered the woman their support and gave her some heartfelt advice
Others weren't convinced. They thought the woman was in the wrong
Later, the author had a very important update to share
Image credits:gpointstudio (Not the actual photo)
Establishing healthy boundaries is just as essential as honesty
One potential red flag, according to Trageser, is if your partner wants an open phone policy as a way of gaining power and control in your relationship.
Singer says: “They may feel they’re being monitored which can make it difficult to express themselves or make their own choices.”
She added that establishing healthy boundaries and respect for each other’s personal space is just as essential as accountability and honesty.
Open phone policies might not address the root problems of your relationship. “Working through the mistrust goes deeper than the open phone policy and should be worked on together or with a trained therapist.”
What relationship advice would you give the author of the viral post, dear Pandas? What would you do if you were in her shoes and found out that your partner might be emotionally cheating on you with someone online? What do you think would need to happen for the trust to be rebuilt? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Want to make sense of complicated human dynamics? Visit our Family Dynamics Hub for expert-backed guides on toxic behavior, setting boundaries, and emotional healing.