One of the most painful things that you can experience in life is watching the person you love the most in the world fall for someone else. The awful cherry on top is if they start having feelings for someone in your family.
An internet user revealed how her husband's and sister’s uncomfortably close relationship raised some red flags. She turned to the internet for help, asking whether the suspicious signs she saw were something to be truly concerned about or if she was being paranoid.
Scroll down for the full story, as well as Bored Panda’s interview with Michael Tobin, Ph.D., an author, psychologist, and expert in marital and family therapy.
Sometimes, not even wedding vows can stop one from being unfaithful
Image credits: Zinkevych_D / Envato (not the actual photo)
This woman was suspicious of her husband starting an affair with her sister
Image credits: djile / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RevolutionaryNoise3
Fellow netizens felt that the woman’s concerns weren’t unfounded
No one wants to think that their partner might be unfaithful
When a person knows their partner like the back of their hand, they tend to see even the smallest of changes in their behavior, especially when they seem somewhat suspicious. While they might not mean anything, such signs can also indicate a spark that’s lost its fire or even infidelity.
“Nobody wants to be suspicious of the person they love,” marital and family therapy expert Dr. Michael Tobin told Bored Panda in an interview. “Trust is the foundation of a committed relationship – unless there’s an agreement between a couple for an open marriage, an affair is a violation of that trust.”
According to Dr. Tobin, there are usually tell-tale signs of an affair. “There’s always a change in behavior. Often in a troubled relationship an affair can temporarily reduce the level of tension because the one having the affair may be less angry now that his or her needs are getting met.
“If a person starts to suspect their partner of being disloyal, they should confront them with data leading with questions not accusations,” he suggested, noting that denial is likely to be their first response.
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Certain behaviors indicate that a person might be having an affair
Discussing potential signs of infidelity in a piece for Psychology Today, clinical sexologist and practicing psychotherapist Dr. Robert Weiss pointed to such behaviors as secretive phone or computer use, being out of reach from one’s partner, having an altered schedule, or showing lack of emotional intimacy, just to name a few. But according to the expert, some people can display such signs without being unfaithful, which, unfortunately, doesn’t necessarily mean that all is well with the relationship, either.
“It might not be cheating, but there is almost certainly something that you and your significant other need to talk about,” he wrote.
When paying attention to such red flags, one might want to take their partner’s past into consideration. While it’s possible for people to change and make amends even if they have previously been unfaithful, studies suggest that a person who has cheated on their partner before is three times more likely to do it again. Similarly, individuals are more likely to be cheated on if they have gone through such a heartbreaking experience in the past, too.
In an interview with Bored Panda, Dr. Tobin shared that it is possible to fix a relationship after the trust is broken. “I’ve worked and I currently work with couples who’ve had affairs; a relationship can grow after an affair but it takes work, commitment, and guidance,” he said.
However, in a situation such as the one the OP found herself in, fixing the damage is extremely difficult to do. “In this case, both the husband and the sister are disloyal. Affairs often happen between friends, which is terribly painful for the aggrieved spouse, but it’s far worse if it involves a sister.”
Image credits: djoronimo / Envato (not the actual photo)
An emotional affair can arguably be equally detrimental as a physical one
According to Dr. Tobin, an affair often happens in the context of a relationship that has been troubled for some time. “There’s no excuse for disloyalty but a trained professional can point out the unresolved issues that led to the affair,” he said, adding that it may be that the disloyal spouse had been trying for some time to get the other to work on the relationship without success.
While most people go into relationships thinking that their partner could never betray them, infidelity is not that uncommon among married couples. According to TechReport, spouses in as much as 16% of married couples admit to having been unfaithful to their partner; roughly a third of unfaithful individuals have reportedly started their affairs with someone at work.
Be that as it may, measuring the extent to which relationships are affected by infidelity is not easy, as the word might mean different things to different people: for some, an affair is only real when it involves their partner having a physical connection to someone other than them, while for others, being emotionally invested only is equally as detrimental.
In an update the author provided some time after her initial post, she shared that her husband admitted to having an affair with her sister – an emotional one at first, which became physical less than half a year later. Scroll down to find the full update in the OP’s own words below.
Some time later, the woman provided an update, sharing how the situation developed
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RevolutionaryNoise3
Internet users showed their support in the comments
