Bored Panda reached out to Sally Heart, a dating coach based in Canada. With her knowledge and experience, Sally kindly shared valuable insights on how to cultivate self-confidence and empower women in various aspects of life, including dating and relationships. Scroll down to read the whole interview!
Posts in this article cover a diverse range of topics, but we were particularly intrigued by Sally’s perspectives on how women navigate the world of dating. Therefore, we asked her about how important self-love and confidence are for women when it comes to relationships. According to Sally Heart, it's everything. “You will only ever get what you settle for in love and life. One man may decide you are the one to marry. But that same man, if you reacted differently to him, may decide that you’re just someone that is ok to pass the time with for now. The man didn’t change. Your behavior did! How you feel about yourself has a direct impact on the quality of relationships you call into your life.
You also can't expect something from others that you are unwilling or unable to provide for yourself, which means you cannot call a high-value man into your life if you yourself are not high-value. You cannot expect a confident man who respects and loves himself if you do not love and respect yourself.”
Navigating the dating world can be a complex experience. Here, self-confidence plays a crucial role. Many women grapple with various issues that impact their self-assurance in dating, and understanding these challenges is important in addressing them. Sally Heart shared that some of those challenges include not putting up boundaries early on in relationships, “for fear that they'll offend or come off as difficult or high-maintenance. For others it can be not believing they deserve much, so putting up with less than their own standards for love. Sometimes women will settle for men who show interest in them and like them instead of actively approaching or creating opportunities with the men they truly admire or desire.”
Building self-love and confidence is essential for women to navigate the complexities of life with resilience and strength. If you're looking to cultivate a healthy sense of self-worth, you're in the right place, because Sally has some tips to share:
1. “Start to give zero effs what anyone thinks of you. What other people think about you is none of your business. As Dita Von Teese said, 'You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.' If someone doesn’t like you, it’s really their problem, not yours. Your job is to find your people by being yourself and calling them into your life through authenticity; the rest can just bugger off.
2. Control the inner dialogue (become self-compassionate). Everyone has that little Negative Nelly voice inside their head that’s a real jerk. Name her, and tell her to shut up. It also works beautifully to disassociate yourself from that voice. It can look like this:
- Negative thought: ‘Sally, you’re so stupid, nobody wants you…”
- You immediately think: Shut up Karen, I’m the bomb, sexy and amazing, and men find me irresistible!
3. Move your body. As Elle Woods says, ‘Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands.’ (Maybe ignore that last part). But happy people DO feel better about themselves, though, and that’s the point. Working out and moving your body just makes you feel sexy and empowered. Don't we all feel great after a workout!?
And here are some other self-explanatory ways to increase your self-esteem:
- - Stop comparing yourself to others
- - Know that just by being born, you are worthy of love and joy
- - Do more of what you’re good at (increase your confidence through your natural talents)
- - Help others (you start to focus more on how you can be of service, and how wonderful you are!)”
The societal norms and expectations around gender roles have a profound impact on women's self-confidence and empowerment in the dating realm (among other spheres). These norms often dictate societal standards, perpetuating stereotypes and limiting women's potential. According to Sally, “women have traditionally been told to take a backseat when it comes to dating, which can feel like they should just accept what's given to them. However, I encourage my clients to fully understand what they want and more importantly need in a partner, and only accept those that are willing to meet those needs. Everything else must go! It's about being able to let go of those that don't meet your standards as soon as you realize it, instead of holding on and hoping for the best or that they may someday live up to their 'potential'. You get to decide what you want in your life, so I also encourage my clients to be the approacher (not the pursuer) when it comes to finding men to date.”
If anyone is looking for resources or personalized help in love, they can find Sally at sallyheart.com and schedule a quick discussion with her through her homepage.
