RelationshipsSEP 15, 2022

“I’m Not Coddling Her Anymore”: After Years Of Walking On Eggshells Around Her Childless Sister, This Mother Stands Up For Her Son

Mantas Kačerauskas and Adelaide May Ross

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For women who dream of becoming a mother, it can be earth-shattering news to hear that it’s just not possible. The pain of experiencing a miscarriage is heartbreaking, and trying to have children for years without any success can take a huge toll on a person. Everyone heals from trauma in their own way, and it is understandable to have boundaries around triggering topics. But there comes a point where we have to realize that the world will not bend to our every whim.

One woman recently reached out on Reddit asking if she had been too harsh to her infertile sister after deciding that she was finished avoiding the topics of children and babies at all times. Below, you’ll find the full story that this new mother shared, as well as some of the replies from readers. Feel free to let us know your thoughts down below as well, but please, keep in mind that this is a sensitive topic for many people. And then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing the lasting effects that miscarriages can cause, you can check out this story next.

After years of coddling her infertile sister, this mother is wondering if she was justified in finally standing up for herself

Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)

Image credits: cottonbro (not the actual photo)

Image credits: openheartclosed

I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child or being unable to have any when you’ve always dreamed of having them. However, it is sadly quite common. In the United States, for example, about 9% of men and about 11% of women of reproductive age experience fertility problems, according to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. And even when a couple is able to get pregnant, the NHS estimates that about 1 in every 8 pregnancies will end in a miscarriage.

I am sure that the sister in this story has been put through the ringer emotionally and physically, after having a miscarriage and being unable to have children of her own. That can be a very traumatic experience, as Tommy’s explains on their Baby Loss Support page. Following the loss of a baby, many women experience grief, shock, feelings of failure, guilt, emptiness, loneliness, confusion and jealousy.

And while no one would fault the sister in this story for having a hard time following her tumultuous path in trying to have children, there are much better ways to handle the pain than imposing rules on the rest of the family. An important part in healing from trauma is not to eliminate every single trigger in the world, (babies do still exist!) but to learn how to be exposed to them without having a meltdown.

The parents should not be enabling their daughter to make demands for everyone else around her. They should be supporting her emotionally and helping her find a therapist who can actually help her get better. And as for the mother who posted this story, she should feel free to embrace the joy of new motherhood. She has no reason to feel guilty for having a son, and she should not feel the need to shield her sister from him for the rest of her life. Wounds within families can run deep, but especially when there is a new child around, the entirety of the family should come together with love, support and excitement for the newest member of the family.

We cannot spend the rest of our lives hung up on the pain of the past, and we cannot try to ruin our loved ones' lives because something bad happened to us. I hope that the sister in this story seeks out therapy to work through her pain, and I hope that the mother stands by her decision to stop coddling. We would love to hear your thoughts down below as well, but again, please remember to be respectful as this is a sensitive issue. Many people have experienced the pain of losing a child, but I’m sure they did not all try to lose their sister as well.