Work makes up a huge portion of your day, so it’s only natural that you get close to some of your colleagues as you spend so much time interacting with them. However, there’s always a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Some coworkers don’t see those personal boundaries and become ‘work spouses,’ blurring the lines between friendship, professionalism, and romance.
Redditor u/Honeybellmama went viral after opening up online about how her husband’s ‘work wife’ has been undermining their marriage for years. Now, she finally confronted her partner about what’s been going on, including what may have looked like an emotional affair. You’ll find the full story below.
Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the viral story, u/Honeybellmama, and she was kind enough to answer our questions about what happened, what the future might hold, and whether it's okay to have 'work spouses' at all. Scroll down for our full interview with her.
It's natural to become friends with your colleagues because you spend so much time together. However, some people cross the line
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
A woman opened up on how concerned she is about her husband being so close to his 'work wife' who keeps undermining their marriage
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Hrant Khachatryan / unsplash (not the actual photo)
She added a bit more context as the story went viral
Image credits: Honeybellmama
"If these things were done to you, how would you feel? And if you're not comfortable with it, your spouse probably isn't either"
Redditor u/Honeybellmama explained to Bored Panda that things took a positive turn in the end. "Ultimately, my husband realized that things had crossed a line. He came and talked to me and we are trying to work things out," she told us.
"I really think that Sarah just had a crush on my husband or just liked the fact that he appreciated her attention. I'm not her so I can't give a real reason. Some people are just disrespectful," the author mused about the reasons 'Sarah' ignored so many boundaries.
We asked u/Honeybellmama whether she plans to confront 'Sarah' about her behavior.
"I don't plan on confronting. Sarah, well I do believe she's the problem. It won't do any good. It would be like talking to a brick wall."
Bored Panda was also curious about the author's thoughts on 'work spouses' and how people can enforce healthier boundaries with them.
"I think workplace spouses are kind of disrespectful. Ultimately my advice to any couple is just to make it a hard boundary to begin with. That way you don't have to dance around it later," she explained.
"The best way to have healthy boundaries is to reflect on your own actions. If these things were done to you, how would you feel? And if you're not comfortable with it, your spouse probably isn't either."
Image credits: Claudia Love / unsplash (not the actual photo)
While some people are unfaithful because their needs aren't met, others do so to increase their self-esteem or simply because they have the option to cheat
There is a huge difference between friendship and romance, but that line is sometimes difficult to see when you spend a lot of time around people.
Probably nobody would be mad at their partner for having good platonic relationships with people at work. It would be incredibly isolating and lonely otherwise, which could impact other parts of their life, as well as their job performance.
That being said, there’s a problem if you’re more emotionally invested in your colleagues than your partner, constantly flirting with your coworkers and enjoying all the attention that you’re getting.
It’s natural to enjoy other people’s attention, sure, but if you’re married or in a long-term relationship, you should want that romantic connection with your partner, not other people.
However, if you don’t, there might be some pressing issues in your relationship that you need to address. Things won’t get better if you ignore those problems. Getting in touch with a therapist who specializes in couples counseling might be a good move.
There are a few main reasons why people cheat on their partners. Very often, there’s some unmet need in their relationship at home. However, that doesn’t justify stepping out on your partner.
Verywell Mind states that 40% of married couples are affected by infidelity. Some of the main reasons why someone might decide to choose that route include unhappiness emotionally or sexually, a lack of commitment to their partner, and the desire for revenge.
Other people might cheat because they might have low self-esteem and want to feel young, desired, and capable. Still, others cheat on their partners simply because they have the opportunity to do so or have poor boundaries.
“Having an affair, especially an emotional affair, is much easier than in the past, and social media sites have been implicated in many affairs and divorces. Internet infidelity or ‘online cheating’ is still cheating, even if the two people never met face to face.”
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Emotional affairs, as well as cheating among coworkers, are fairly common, unfortunately
According to the Cooper Trachtenberg Law Group, many people seek trust or validation outside of their marriage. “Emotional affairs can be just as damaging as physical ones. They often reveal underlying insecurities or commitment issues in those who engage in them.”
One of the signs that your partner may be having an emotional affair is that they get very defensive when you ask them about their relationship with the other person. What’s more, they’ll often refuse to discuss the other person with you.
The Law Group points out that workplace cheating is fairly common because people spend a lot of time with their coworkers. Astoundingly, 44% of cheating men had affairs with someone from their workplace.
Meanwhile, research shows that while men are more likely to engage in sexual infidelity, women are more likely to take part in emotional affairs.
Around 91.6% of women have admitted they have had an emotional affair, while 78.6% of men have admitted to the same thing. On the flip side, 20% of men admitted they had had intimate relations with people other than their spouse, while 13% of women said they had done the same.
PR Newswire reports that, based on a study from the Journal of Sex Research, 31% of all affairs happen between coworkers.
Men in trade professions (such as carpenters, plumbers, and electricians) and in IT are more prone to cheating. In contrast, women who work in education and medical professions are more likely to be unfaithful.
What do you think about ‘work spouses,’ dear Pandas? How would you react if you found out that someone at work claims to be your partner’s ‘work wife’ or ‘work husband’? Have you ever had a ‘work spouse’? How did that affect your relationship at home? Let us know in the comments!
Here's how the internet reacted to the tense situation. Many people suggested that the woman's husband was at fault, too
The author shared a very important update after having confronted her husband about 'Sarah'
Image credits: Kinga Howard / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Maxim Ilyahov / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: charlesdeluvio / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes / unsplash (not the actual photo)
She then answered some internet users' questions
Here's the advice some readers gave the author after reading her update
Image credits: Honeybellmama