Modern moms have to do it all: take care of the household, the kids, go to work, and turn in a flawless performance there. But the reality is that 9.8 million mothers in the U.S. are experiencing burnout.
Recently, a mom has gone viral online after she posted a video of her crying at work. Instead of witnessing her baby daughter sit up for the first time, she could only watch it through a baby monitor at her desk in the office.
Her experience prompted a heated debate in the comments. Was this just a failing of the U.S. healthcare system for mothers and was this really what feminists fought for?
A young mom, Brooke, shared how heartbreaking being a working mom in the U.S. can be
Image credits: adayinaeats
Instead of witnessing her daughter's milestones in person, she's forced to experience them through a monitor at work
Image credits: adayinaeats
Brooke's video quickly went viral, garnering 690k views
Image credits: Rene Terp / Pexels (not the actual photo)
"It felt like someone took my heart and pulled it from my chest," Brooke describes how she felt in that moment
The mom who shared this heartbreaking video is Brooke Lipps, aka @adayinaeats. She's a 25-year-old sales development representative from Texas. Her daughter Taylor is currently almost nine months old, and is a frequent face in Brooke's other videos.
As Brooke explained to Newsweek, before becoming a mother, she always imagined herself as a career woman. "My baby came, and my whole world changed; I changed," she explained.
She didn't think it would be so hard to go to work and leave her baby behind at home. "[It] felt like someone took my heart and pulled it from my chest," she remembers how she felt in that video she posted.
"I watch her fall asleep every day and wake up through the monitor to make it feel like we're together. At the same time, I was so proud of her and dumbfounded how she can sit up on her own," she told Newsweek.
When Taylor was just four and a half months old, Brooke went back to work. Her husband works full-time and attends graduate school. So, Taylor now spends her days with a nanny. That was the case on the day of the video, too. The nanny was texting updates to Brooke and told her she just sat up for the first time.
Brooke fights feelings of guilt and shame for not being there for her baby every day. "I wonder daily if I'm making the right choice and if it's worth it; or if I should stay home, knowing that it will set back my future career and put our family under greater financial strain."
Image credits: Dasha Halepova / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Brooke is also advocating for stronger support for mothers and fathers postpartum
Along with working full-time, Brooke says she also takes care of the household and the baby after she comes home. "I feel spread ultrathin. There's not enough of me to go around," she confessed to Newsweek. "I'm doing a lot of things but not doing them all well – or at least a judgmental voice in my head tells me that."
Being a modern mom is no easy task. A study conducted by Welch's found in 2018 that American mothers work the equivalent of 2.5 jobs. In Texas, there is no state law that forces employers to provide parents with maternity or paternity leave.
There is the federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), but employees have to be eligible to qualify for it. Brooke and her family weren't, so, for the four and a half months after she gave birth, the family lived on the husband's income only.
That's why Brooke now feels very passionate about informing and empowering other mothers who might be in a similar situation. She's advocating for stronger parental support from state lawmakers.
"I wish it were standard to get paid leave, not just FMLA's guaranteed 12 weeks off," she told Newsweek. "Most people can't afford to take three months off without pay, especially as such young parents."
Although her employer has been supportive, she's aware other mothers don't get the same kind of treatment. "I wish workplaces embraced mothers and pregnant women instead of feeling like we're a burden or don't belong. Babies need their mothers."
Image credits: Sarah Chai / Pexels (not the actual photo)
U.S. parental leave laws are seriously lagging behind the rest of the world
People often talk about how bad the U.S. healthcare system is. Those parents who qualify for FMLA can get 12 weeks' leave, but it's unpaid. Surprisingly, America is the only OECD country without a national statutory parental leave.
In comparison, in Estonia, mothers get full wages for the first 18 months of the child's life. After that, the payments lessen with each month until the child turns three. In Austria, pregnant women have to take leave eight weeks before and eight weeks after the birth. They get a full-rate equivalent (FRE) of their salary for 49 weeks.
Other OECD countries are similar: Japanese mothers get 36 weeks for FRE, Swedish mothers get 35. In Chile, mothers get 30 weeks of full-rate equivalent of their wages, and in Iceland – 18 weeks. The UK and Mexico give mothers 12 weeks of FRE, and Australia provides them with 8 weeks of full wages.
In the U.S. only California, New Jersey, Rhode Island, New York, Washington state, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Oregon, and D.C. have passed their own family leave state laws. In the rest of the country, only 60% of workers are eligible for FMLA.
"The U.S. needs to figure something out," commenters reflected on the absurd current situation
