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“The first date is all about the first impression,” the dating and relationship expert Lisa Concepcion told Bored Panda, discussing the importance of a first date. “This is when we are evaluating if the other person is a match to us. If a person is rude, distracted, lacks manners, isn't presentable and seems disheveled, it will impact our decision as to whether or not we choose to see them again.”
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For many couples, a first date is enough to see if there’s potential for future interaction; especially when there’s probably not. “Typically it's because they got enough information to know the person isn't someone they can see having anything more with,” Lisa Concepcion suggested.
“I advise giving people three dates if you think you are attracted to them and like them after the first date,” she continued. “By the third date you can decide if they're a fit for you.”
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According to the dating expert, people are often willing to see a person more if they are aligned on values and worldview, plus are attracted to one another. As for the reasons they might not be willing to, she suggested that there can be quite a few:
“They didn't share the same dreams, goals, ambitions. They drank excessively. They lacked manners. They seemed immature and non committal. They were hyper focused on sex, all conversations led back to sex. They weren't a person you could imagine bringing around your family. You regretted leaving your pet alone 30 minutes into the date. You didn't find them attractive.”
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We barely knew each other and there was no family. It was so painfully awkward paying the bill. I had to ride home with him but never answered a call from him again.
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The expert emphasized that it’s important to think certain things through before going on a first date and to be honest both with yourself and the date.
“The key thing is to be very clear with yourself about your purpose for dating. Are you dating for fun and nothing serious? Or, are you dating to attract your spouse or serious long-term relationship? Once you know exactly what your intention is for dating, you gain confidence and can openly and honestly express what you're dating for.
“This is a very important thing to discuss on a first date and if possible even beforehand through an initial video call. Why waste time? If you are dating to attract your spouse you're not going to want to go on a date with someone who is recently divorced and not looking to get serious,” she pointed out.
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“If you're both on the same page as far as what you want, then great topics are values-based topics,” Lisa Concepcion continued. “Asking open-ended questions such as ‘what was the last thing you splurged on for yourself,’ will give you a clear idea of how they are with money. Asking them how often they get to see their family will get you information on their family dynamic.
“It's very important to master communication and ask questions that encourage people to speak freely as you listen intently to gather data. Dating for data is all about engaging in meaningful conversation to learn more about the other person.
“It's also very important to have conversations about worldview, morals and values. You want to determine if you both are on the same page on important things that matter,” the expert emphasized.
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While asking certain open-ended questions can help one get to know their date better, some topics are better left untouched on the first date. According to the certified love life strategist, they include complaints about work and your ex who is still driving you nuts, parents and friends.
“You don't want to treat a first date like a therapy session where you're complaining about what's wrong in your life. Avoid talking about how awful the dating scene is. Avoid talking about sex on the first date unless you are asserting a boundary. Sexual innuendo too soon gives off a predatory vibe. People want to feel safe.”
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If you’re looking for more dating horror stories, we have quite a few in store for you; feel free to continue to this list of bad dates that ought to make you cringe or read about these dates that didn’t go well, or browse our romantic relationships category for more love-related tales.