It’s almost 2026, pandas. You’ve made it to the end of another year, and now, it’s time to reflect on everything you’ve learned and experienced over the last 12 months. Where did you travel to? What new skills did you acquire? And how did you foster your relationships?
The beginning of a new year isn’t only about looking back, though. It’s also a great time to look ahead. Set intentions for this coming year and decide what you’ll be leaving behind. And if you happen to have a toxic spouse, now might be the perfect opportunity to cut them loose. Bored Panda has compiled a list of the top ten worst husbands that we featured stories about during 2025. From lying and cheating to abandoning their spouse while she’s in labor, these men truly take the cake when it comes to being a terrible partner. So good luck scrolling through these stories without losing your temper, and be sure to upvote the ones that you hope ended in the wife filing for divorce!
#1 Man Locks GF Out Of Hotel Room She’s Paying For, Doesn’t Foresee The Consequences Of That
I help someone get revenge on their gold-digging SO
I worked as a front desk agent in a large luxury hotel chain for some years. One particular hotel I worked at was located really close to the downtown area and so we got a large number of young, very wealthy, business people who loved to party. I usually worked the 2nd & 3rd shifts which meant I got to see loads of drunken hookups, breakups, cheating, hookers, and more.
This particular one though...this is one I will never forget.
I was working at the desk when a group of young, well-dressed men come walking in. They've all clearly been drinking, but aren't so drunk that they can't walk right and hold a conversation.
One of them comes up to me and tells me that while he and his friends were at the bar, a woman was hitting on him, and even though he told her no multiple times she wouldn't stop. So he and his friends left and it wasn't until they got in the Uber that he realized he didn't have his room key anymore. He thinks she took it and he's concerned that she may come up to his room, he asked that I deactivate his keys and if she does come up to the hotel to not let her in.
When he was telling me all of this, it didn't sit right with me. He and his friends were all grinning about it and snickering amongst one another. Then he gave a clear description of her, without being asked. Told me height, body shape, hair color, and style, the kind of dress she was wearing. All while saying it in a mocking tone.
Now, this could have easily been because he thought the whole thing was ridiculous or was too drunk to take it seriously, but it really didn't sound right to me. Either way, I did as I was trained in that situation. I pulled up his reservation, deactivated the keys as requested, made him a new set when he showed me his ID, and even offered to move him to a new room if that would make him feel more comfortable. He and his buddies all laughed a little at that and he declined, took the keys and they went to their room.
About an hour or so later, the woman he described showed up. Now, by this point, my relief for the night had also shown up and was sitting at the front desk while I was in the back office counting down my cash drawer. I hadn't had a chance to tell him about the woman. Just as I'm walking out of the back office with my bag and about to leave, I see my coworker buzz the doors open and the woman comes rushing in, cuts through the lobby and down the hall to the elevators. She was barefoot, holding her heels in her hands, and knew exactly where she was going.
I rushed up to him and told him what the man from before had told me about her. My coworker looked at me confused. He then pointed to the screen that had the reservation pulled up and told me that when the woman arrived, she went to use the room keys and they didn't work. So he asked for her room number and last name, she gave both and her name is on the reservation. I looked at the reservation and down in the notes, there was a woman's name listed. The man from before was listed as the primary, but her name was listed as secondary with his consent to be in the room.
I was confused, I thought maybe she wasn't the same woman he was talking about. But, to be on the safe side I called the man in his room and told him the situation and that we allowed a woman, fitting that description he gave, to enter the building because she confirmed her name was on the room. He laughed, said he forgot her name was on the room and asked that I remove it. I was now super confused, I asked to make sure:
Me: "Sir...just to be clear, the woman you met at the bar tonight was with you at check-in hours ago and was allowed keys then, but now she is not?"
Him: (laughs to all his friends in the room) "Awww....guys I confused the poor girl." (gets back on the phone with me) "Yeah sweetheart, she's banned from the room. Don't worry about the other details, just take her name off."
Me: "...I see. Then, if she isn't going to be on the room anymore, would you like us to call the police and have her removed from the property?"
Him: "Hahaha...woah! That's too far there. Don't worry, she'll get the hint soon enough."
We ended the call there and I got really suspicious of this. I told my coworker to not do anything and that I was going to stick around for a bit to see if anything happened.
A short time later the woman came off the elevator, pouring tears, sobbing while on the phone with someone. She sat down in our lobby and my coworker and I tried to look busy while eavesdropping hard on her phone call.
She was sobbing on the phone to her mom and sister. From what she told them, she was invited out to spend the week with her boyfriend meeting all of his old college buddies. This being their first-night they all met up for dinner and drinks.
After a bit, she went to the restroom and when she came back she caught her boyfriend hitting on another woman. His friends all bet that he wouldn't do it. When she confronted him pissed off, he called her a bunch of names and humiliated her in front of his friends and the entire bar. All of his friends joined in on mocking her and he threw in her face that she was "nothing without him" and dumped her right there.
He and his friends then took an Uber back and left her stranded at the bar with no money and no way back. She then had to use her phone's GPS and walk back to the hotel from the bar, barefoot (she had heels, and walking 2 miles in those was not going to cut it). She was asking her mom and sister for help as he wouldn't let her in the room to get her luggage or her wallet.
My heart broke. I felt horrible. I helped this guy treat this poor woman like trash and now he and all his friends were up there laughing at her while she's sitting in our lobby sobbing and with nothing. I went over to our snacks area in the lobby, grabbed her a bottled water, and brought it to her. I told her that I couldn't help but overhear the conversation and was very sorry for her situation and asked if she would like us to help. I informed her that if he was keeping her from getting to her things, we could call the police and have them force him to hand over her things so she could leave if she'd like. Or if she wanted to let her mom or sister pay for a room we'd be happy to give her a very low rate in a room far from him.
She thanked me, took the water, and tried to calm down and talk to me about what all was happening and what her options were. Eventually, we decided on her staying in the hotel for the night and figuring out the rest in the morning. As we make it to the desk, she asks me to try and run her credit card to see if it has enough on it for another room. I ask her what she means by "another room" and she tells me that she's actually paying for the room he's in. That his name is on the room because he booked it, but it's her card paying for everything.
This intrigued me. I asked why she was paying for the room if it was in his name. She told me that she's the one with a job, not him. That he hasn't been able to find a job in his field since graduating from college and is essentially living off of his parents' money. But just after they started dating, his parents cut him off, so he's been living off of her money. That's why she was so upset and confused by how he had been acting all night, he was sweet and doing everything for her back home, but since he met up with his friends he did a 180 and hasn't been the same guy the entire time.
I wanted to tell her that it was obvious he was using her for the money and that he would probably blame his friends for all of this and try to get back with her later on. But I doubted she would have listened to me or cared for a complete stranger to butt in on her personal life like that. So instead, I offered up a sweet piece of revenge.
I informed her that, considering she's the one paying for the room, if she can confirm that it is her card on file with some sort of photo ID and verify the last 4 digits of the card number (That's honestly all this hotel company required) then she could, if she wanted to, kick him out of the room and keep it all to herself. But, considering how poorly her night has been, if she were indeed able to prove she is the one paying for the room, then I'd be more than happy to provide for her the biggest luxury upgrade we offered at our property. Largest suite we had, full hotel amenity access, I'd even have my coworker fish out a bottle of champagne and some fresh strawberries for her to have sent to her room. All free of charge.
She was taken aback by the offer and was very sincerely tempted, she looked like she was about to say no. Then I told her that since she would be upgrading her room, that would require moving her things from that room and into her new one. Which mean the room that she is currently listed in would need to be vacated immediately, if anyone were to remain in the room after we have demanded it be vacated, we are required to have them escorted off the property or they pay for the room. Their choice.
She then thought about it, pulled up her card's banking app and showed me the screen. It had a photo of her, her full name, the card's full number, and the hold from our hotel for the room. She asked if that worked. It was good enough for me.
I quickly upgraded her, moved everything over in the system and before I could say a word to my coworker he was already grabbing a set of master keys, a bell cart and was asking her what her luggage looked like since he would be the one retrieving it for her to deliver to her room. He didn't want her to have to deal with her ex again. She smiled and told him which ones were hers and that she hadn't unpacked yet.
My coworker runs down to the elevators and up to fetch her things. While I make her a new set of keys and send her off to her new room. Once she's on the elevator, my phone at the desk starts ringing. It's the ex-boyfriend and he's very angry about why my coworker has entered the room and is taking her things. I calmly explain that I cannot give out the private information of any of our guests and that if he would like to remain in his room he will need to pay for it as there is no longer a method of payment on his room.
He. Blew. Up.
He's making a ton of demands and at the same time yelling at my coworker to stop what he's doing, but its obvious from the way he's yelling at him that my coworker isn't listening to him. I can even hear the guy's friends telling him to chill out and just pay for the room.
I then explain that we will give him a courtesy 10 mins to make a decision. At which point, if he doesn't have payment ready then he must vacate the building or we will be forced to call the authorities and have him evicted. He continues to yell at me. He screams, swears, threatens, and yells for a solid minute before taking a breath. I then tell him he has 9 mins remaining and asks if he has come to a decision yet. He hangs up on me.
9 minutes later I call the room and he doesn't answer. I call again, no answer. I call a third time, he picks up, then immediately hangs up. I call the police and tell them what's going on and they said they're on their way.
The officers arrive, I tell them what's going on, we go up to the room together and the man and his friends are all white as ghosts when they see the cops. The cops explain to the ex-boyfriend and his friends that they're being evicted. The ex-bf starts trying to talk to me but the cops stop him and tell him to only talk to them (I told him about his attitude on the phone before).
The friends are all offering to pay for the room at this point and the cops look to me and ask if that would be acceptable. I smile very sweetly and say "no" and the cops nod and start rushing all of the guys to grab their things and leave the room. The ex-bf is the last one out the door carrying his 2 bags and complaining that he isn't even given a luggage cart and has to carry his own things. His friends all look pissed at him.
I go with the officers to escort all of them out of the building and run into my coworker in the lobby. He waits until they're all outside in the parking lot to tell me that the woman is in her new room, loves it, and said no to the champagne, she just wanted to sleep.
I didn't get to see her before she left town the next day, but the ex-bf did try calling our hotel to complain a number of times and even tried leaving some bad reviews of us online and lied through all of it. I hope she doesn't have to ever deal with him again.
Edit: Wanted to address some things you guys brought up in the comments:
I have no idea why she didn't use Uber instead of walking, probably due to the distress of the moment and didn't think of it. Honestly, if you're ever in that situation, despite being publicly humiliated like that, ask the staff for help. Either they think of something you're too panicked to think of or they'll be nice and pay for an uber for you. I've done it for people plenty when working in hotels. There's no shame in asking for help.
The credit card company is Capital One. I wasn't going to mention it since some subs immediately flag your story for listing major company names and didn't want to fuss with that. But yeah, their app lets you post a picture on your profile and, on most banking and credit card apps, you are able to pull up the full card number by clicking on the account information. Yes, technically I shouldn't have accepted this as a form of ID however, given how bad her night was, I didn't care.
I worked as a front desk agent in a large luxury hotel chain for some years. One particular hotel I worked at was located really close to the downtown area and so we got a large number of young, very wealthy, business people who loved to party. I usually worked the 2nd & 3rd shifts which meant I got to see loads of drunken hookups, breakups, cheating, hookers, and more.
This particular one though...this is one I will never forget.
I was working at the desk when a group of young, well-dressed men come walking in. They've all clearly been drinking, but aren't so drunk that they can't walk right and hold a conversation.
One of them comes up to me and tells me that while he and his friends were at the bar, a woman was hitting on him, and even though he told her no multiple times she wouldn't stop. So he and his friends left and it wasn't until they got in the Uber that he realized he didn't have his room key anymore. He thinks she took it and he's concerned that she may come up to his room, he asked that I deactivate his keys and if she does come up to the hotel to not let her in.
When he was telling me all of this, it didn't sit right with me. He and his friends were all grinning about it and snickering amongst one another. Then he gave a clear description of her, without being asked. Told me height, body shape, hair color, and style, the kind of dress she was wearing. All while saying it in a mocking tone.
Now, this could have easily been because he thought the whole thing was ridiculous or was too drunk to take it seriously, but it really didn't sound right to me. Either way, I did as I was trained in that situation. I pulled up his reservation, deactivated the keys as requested, made him a new set when he showed me his ID, and even offered to move him to a new room if that would make him feel more comfortable. He and his buddies all laughed a little at that and he declined, took the keys and they went to their room.
About an hour or so later, the woman he described showed up. Now, by this point, my relief for the night had also shown up and was sitting at the front desk while I was in the back office counting down my cash drawer. I hadn't had a chance to tell him about the woman. Just as I'm walking out of the back office with my bag and about to leave, I see my coworker buzz the doors open and the woman comes rushing in, cuts through the lobby and down the hall to the elevators. She was barefoot, holding her heels in her hands, and knew exactly where she was going.
I rushed up to him and told him what the man from before had told me about her. My coworker looked at me confused. He then pointed to the screen that had the reservation pulled up and told me that when the woman arrived, she went to use the room keys and they didn't work. So he asked for her room number and last name, she gave both and her name is on the reservation. I looked at the reservation and down in the notes, there was a woman's name listed. The man from before was listed as the primary, but her name was listed as secondary with his consent to be in the room.
I was confused, I thought maybe she wasn't the same woman he was talking about. But, to be on the safe side I called the man in his room and told him the situation and that we allowed a woman, fitting that description he gave, to enter the building because she confirmed her name was on the room. He laughed, said he forgot her name was on the room and asked that I remove it. I was now super confused, I asked to make sure:
Me: "Sir...just to be clear, the woman you met at the bar tonight was with you at check-in hours ago and was allowed keys then, but now she is not?"
Him: (laughs to all his friends in the room) "Awww....guys I confused the poor girl." (gets back on the phone with me) "Yeah sweetheart, she's banned from the room. Don't worry about the other details, just take her name off."
Me: "...I see. Then, if she isn't going to be on the room anymore, would you like us to call the police and have her removed from the property?"
Him: "Hahaha...woah! That's too far there. Don't worry, she'll get the hint soon enough."
We ended the call there and I got really suspicious of this. I told my coworker to not do anything and that I was going to stick around for a bit to see if anything happened.
A short time later the woman came off the elevator, pouring tears, sobbing while on the phone with someone. She sat down in our lobby and my coworker and I tried to look busy while eavesdropping hard on her phone call.
She was sobbing on the phone to her mom and sister. From what she told them, she was invited out to spend the week with her boyfriend meeting all of his old college buddies. This being their first-night they all met up for dinner and drinks.
After a bit, she went to the restroom and when she came back she caught her boyfriend hitting on another woman. His friends all bet that he wouldn't do it. When she confronted him pissed off, he called her a bunch of names and humiliated her in front of his friends and the entire bar. All of his friends joined in on mocking her and he threw in her face that she was "nothing without him" and dumped her right there.
He and his friends then took an Uber back and left her stranded at the bar with no money and no way back. She then had to use her phone's GPS and walk back to the hotel from the bar, barefoot (she had heels, and walking 2 miles in those was not going to cut it). She was asking her mom and sister for help as he wouldn't let her in the room to get her luggage or her wallet.
My heart broke. I felt horrible. I helped this guy treat this poor woman like trash and now he and all his friends were up there laughing at her while she's sitting in our lobby sobbing and with nothing. I went over to our snacks area in the lobby, grabbed her a bottled water, and brought it to her. I told her that I couldn't help but overhear the conversation and was very sorry for her situation and asked if she would like us to help. I informed her that if he was keeping her from getting to her things, we could call the police and have them force him to hand over her things so she could leave if she'd like. Or if she wanted to let her mom or sister pay for a room we'd be happy to give her a very low rate in a room far from him.
She thanked me, took the water, and tried to calm down and talk to me about what all was happening and what her options were. Eventually, we decided on her staying in the hotel for the night and figuring out the rest in the morning. As we make it to the desk, she asks me to try and run her credit card to see if it has enough on it for another room. I ask her what she means by "another room" and she tells me that she's actually paying for the room he's in. That his name is on the room because he booked it, but it's her card paying for everything.
This intrigued me. I asked why she was paying for the room if it was in his name. She told me that she's the one with a job, not him. That he hasn't been able to find a job in his field since graduating from college and is essentially living off of his parents' money. But just after they started dating, his parents cut him off, so he's been living off of her money. That's why she was so upset and confused by how he had been acting all night, he was sweet and doing everything for her back home, but since he met up with his friends he did a 180 and hasn't been the same guy the entire time.
I wanted to tell her that it was obvious he was using her for the money and that he would probably blame his friends for all of this and try to get back with her later on. But I doubted she would have listened to me or cared for a complete stranger to butt in on her personal life like that. So instead, I offered up a sweet piece of revenge.
I informed her that, considering she's the one paying for the room, if she can confirm that it is her card on file with some sort of photo ID and verify the last 4 digits of the card number (That's honestly all this hotel company required) then she could, if she wanted to, kick him out of the room and keep it all to herself. But, considering how poorly her night has been, if she were indeed able to prove she is the one paying for the room, then I'd be more than happy to provide for her the biggest luxury upgrade we offered at our property. Largest suite we had, full hotel amenity access, I'd even have my coworker fish out a bottle of champagne and some fresh strawberries for her to have sent to her room. All free of charge.
She was taken aback by the offer and was very sincerely tempted, she looked like she was about to say no. Then I told her that since she would be upgrading her room, that would require moving her things from that room and into her new one. Which mean the room that she is currently listed in would need to be vacated immediately, if anyone were to remain in the room after we have demanded it be vacated, we are required to have them escorted off the property or they pay for the room. Their choice.
She then thought about it, pulled up her card's banking app and showed me the screen. It had a photo of her, her full name, the card's full number, and the hold from our hotel for the room. She asked if that worked. It was good enough for me.
I quickly upgraded her, moved everything over in the system and before I could say a word to my coworker he was already grabbing a set of master keys, a bell cart and was asking her what her luggage looked like since he would be the one retrieving it for her to deliver to her room. He didn't want her to have to deal with her ex again. She smiled and told him which ones were hers and that she hadn't unpacked yet.
My coworker runs down to the elevators and up to fetch her things. While I make her a new set of keys and send her off to her new room. Once she's on the elevator, my phone at the desk starts ringing. It's the ex-boyfriend and he's very angry about why my coworker has entered the room and is taking her things. I calmly explain that I cannot give out the private information of any of our guests and that if he would like to remain in his room he will need to pay for it as there is no longer a method of payment on his room.
He. Blew. Up.
He's making a ton of demands and at the same time yelling at my coworker to stop what he's doing, but its obvious from the way he's yelling at him that my coworker isn't listening to him. I can even hear the guy's friends telling him to chill out and just pay for the room.
I then explain that we will give him a courtesy 10 mins to make a decision. At which point, if he doesn't have payment ready then he must vacate the building or we will be forced to call the authorities and have him evicted. He continues to yell at me. He screams, swears, threatens, and yells for a solid minute before taking a breath. I then tell him he has 9 mins remaining and asks if he has come to a decision yet. He hangs up on me.
9 minutes later I call the room and he doesn't answer. I call again, no answer. I call a third time, he picks up, then immediately hangs up. I call the police and tell them what's going on and they said they're on their way.
The officers arrive, I tell them what's going on, we go up to the room together and the man and his friends are all white as ghosts when they see the cops. The cops explain to the ex-boyfriend and his friends that they're being evicted. The ex-bf starts trying to talk to me but the cops stop him and tell him to only talk to them (I told him about his attitude on the phone before).
The friends are all offering to pay for the room at this point and the cops look to me and ask if that would be acceptable. I smile very sweetly and say "no" and the cops nod and start rushing all of the guys to grab their things and leave the room. The ex-bf is the last one out the door carrying his 2 bags and complaining that he isn't even given a luggage cart and has to carry his own things. His friends all look pissed at him.
I go with the officers to escort all of them out of the building and run into my coworker in the lobby. He waits until they're all outside in the parking lot to tell me that the woman is in her new room, loves it, and said no to the champagne, she just wanted to sleep.
I didn't get to see her before she left town the next day, but the ex-bf did try calling our hotel to complain a number of times and even tried leaving some bad reviews of us online and lied through all of it. I hope she doesn't have to ever deal with him again.
Edit: Wanted to address some things you guys brought up in the comments:
I have no idea why she didn't use Uber instead of walking, probably due to the distress of the moment and didn't think of it. Honestly, if you're ever in that situation, despite being publicly humiliated like that, ask the staff for help. Either they think of something you're too panicked to think of or they'll be nice and pay for an uber for you. I've done it for people plenty when working in hotels. There's no shame in asking for help.
The credit card company is Capital One. I wasn't going to mention it since some subs immediately flag your story for listing major company names and didn't want to fuss with that. But yeah, their app lets you post a picture on your profile and, on most banking and credit card apps, you are able to pull up the full card number by clicking on the account information. Yes, technically I shouldn't have accepted this as a form of ID however, given how bad her night was, I didn't care.
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#2 Man Says Girlfriend “Served Her Purpose”, Dumps Her After 9 Years, She Finally Finds Out Why
My (27f) ex (26m) dumped me in January after 9 years together because he didn’t think i was wife material now he reached out wanting to talk because he needs to get something off his chest I don’t know why he doing this or if I should met him?
I was with my ex who I will call Nate because if I’m being honest minus betraying a friend I was a Cassie.
I don’t want to go to much into the details but for the last nine years I lost myself to Nate he was my world everything I did was for him, I helped him though depression, help get/keep his grades up even worked two jobs so he could focus on collage when his parents disowned him for nearly 3 years because they didn’t agree with the major or collage he choose bare in mind I was also a collage student.
When his parents started talking to him again and started to financial support him we moved into a new apartment Nate said he wanted me to quit my job (I didn’t) because it was his turn to take care of me. For 16 months everything was great he spoiled me than I noticed he was more interested in his new friends at times he ignored me completely.
Back in December he did a 180 and he loved bombed me the whole month he really went out of his way to make Christmas magical for me. I honestly believed he was going to propose. On January the 2nd he made me my favourite dinner and made this speech about me being his first love, how I’ve been there since high school. I kept thinking any minute now he’s gonna ask me to marry him.
But no he dumped me as his speech went on my world fell apart and as much he tried to sugar coat it he basically said “you were a good girlfriend but that’s what you always be to me a girlfriend I don’t see you as my wife or the mother of my children blah blah you served your purpose now I don’t need you anymore blah blah I need someone on my level blah blah you’re a gold digger blah I’ll give you 30 days to move out”.
I couldn’t speak and he stared at me looking for a response. I think this lasted 20 minutes before he said he’d sleep in the guest room than left, strangely I didn’t cry or get angry, I just ordered cardboard boxes online than went to bed.
The next day I waited for him to leave the apartment before I left my room, then I called my boss asked (begged really) if I could transfer anywhere. She told me there wasn’t anything but if something came up in my department she’d consider me. I then reached out to everyone I knew that wasn’t also Nate’s friend for a place to stay. My cousin invited me to stay in her spare room for as long as I needed and I could move in straight away so that was amazing, in the four days it took me too pack my stuff and move out I didn’t see or speak to Nate I doubt he even noticed.
I didn’t trust myself at the time to ignore a “you up text” so I blocked him and everyone close to him even changed me number/email to make sure he couldn’t reach me. The first night at my cousins was the night everything hit me I think I cried every night the first month. I honestly felt like garbage. I thought about what Nate said over and over again it made me feel so low like I was nothing. He only stayed with me because I was just there but thankfully my cousin sent for my mom, other cousins and real friends to give me an intervention which I badly needed. I believe that first month I wouldn’t have made it without my cousin.
I’m still healing and waiting on that job transfer because I feel like if I’m not in the same city as Nate and I have a place of my own the fresh start would do me the world of good.
I thought by now I’d be a distant memory for Nate but shockingly he sent flowers to my job today for my brithday which was on Sunday apparently he went to my parents house looking for me too and my mom admitted he’s been before dropping off stuff and tried to ask questions about me but they told him to leave.
The flowers came with a card saying “dear cassie happy belated birthday I’ve been thinking about you for non stop for the last few months especially with how everything ended I need to get something off my chest that I feel will haunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t tell you this to your face but I’ve no way of contacting you if it’s possible can we meet up in the near future -Nate”
What could he want? What’s haunting him he needs to say to my face?
Everyone in my life is telling me ignore him but they hate him.
I’m torn but I can’t lie my curiosity is telling me meet him to see what he wants Has anyone been in my shoes or in Nates?
UPDATE
So we ended up meeting and no I didn’t go to him
I had told the receptionist at my work if he came looking for just say I’m out for the day after he showed up once I didn’t want the drama of him around my job.
So nate just kept going to my usual places like the grocery store I go every Saturday evening or the park I ran at Sunday mornings (his words) till he would eventually run into me
And he did yesterday. he was waiting at the coffee shop I go to after my morning run. When I saw him I tried to do turn around and leave but he kept calling me so I thought to myself if everything went pear shaped, a coffee shop would be safer than my walk home
So I just sat down and asked him what he wanted. He gave an apology that wasn’t an apology you know the type with “I’m sorry but” and “pity me” he blamed his mental health, his job his parents, his friends everyone but himself
I took someone’s advice on here and said “cut the bull I already know everything.” he genuinely looked shocked and stared at me for a second I guess he thought his coworker already told me everything so he couldn’t lie
Here’s what really happened: he fell for a girl in his office. When he told me her name I knew her immediately. I’ve met her a few times.
He told for the last two years he idolised her (to be fair she’s beautiful with an amazing personality) and he hated me because I was the one stopping them from being together because his coworker was too classy to be a side piece. When he broke up with me he confessed to her that he was madly in love with her and he ended a 9 year relationship to be with her
Well here’s were it gets funny. She doesn’t even like him lol. She called him a piece of trash and told him if he ever spoke to her outside work she’d report him to HR. So I asked him what has any of this got to do with me. Like, we are over. I clearly cut ties. There’s no reason for us to speak?
He wants to try again promised we’d get married before the year ends that we belong together, I told him no I’m nobody's second choice. He threw me away after 9 years and said some pretty cruel things to me and now he thinks if he snaps his fingers I’ll come running back, he tried to beg and fake tears bringing the good times in our relationship
I told him please leave me alone as he wasted too much of my time already. I texted my cousin to meet me at the coffee shop he kept saying nonsense even suggested if I went to couples counseling for a few months he’d leave me alone the 20 minutes it took for my cousin to arrive felt like 20 years
In the end I just stopped listening and stood at the counter making small talk with baristas till my cousin arrived
He stayed in the coffee shop as far as I know and we just went home that’s it
It’s only been a day but I feel like it’s over and I’m free of him
I was with my ex who I will call Nate because if I’m being honest minus betraying a friend I was a Cassie.
I don’t want to go to much into the details but for the last nine years I lost myself to Nate he was my world everything I did was for him, I helped him though depression, help get/keep his grades up even worked two jobs so he could focus on collage when his parents disowned him for nearly 3 years because they didn’t agree with the major or collage he choose bare in mind I was also a collage student.
When his parents started talking to him again and started to financial support him we moved into a new apartment Nate said he wanted me to quit my job (I didn’t) because it was his turn to take care of me. For 16 months everything was great he spoiled me than I noticed he was more interested in his new friends at times he ignored me completely.
Back in December he did a 180 and he loved bombed me the whole month he really went out of his way to make Christmas magical for me. I honestly believed he was going to propose. On January the 2nd he made me my favourite dinner and made this speech about me being his first love, how I’ve been there since high school. I kept thinking any minute now he’s gonna ask me to marry him.
But no he dumped me as his speech went on my world fell apart and as much he tried to sugar coat it he basically said “you were a good girlfriend but that’s what you always be to me a girlfriend I don’t see you as my wife or the mother of my children blah blah you served your purpose now I don’t need you anymore blah blah I need someone on my level blah blah you’re a gold digger blah I’ll give you 30 days to move out”.
I couldn’t speak and he stared at me looking for a response. I think this lasted 20 minutes before he said he’d sleep in the guest room than left, strangely I didn’t cry or get angry, I just ordered cardboard boxes online than went to bed.
The next day I waited for him to leave the apartment before I left my room, then I called my boss asked (begged really) if I could transfer anywhere. She told me there wasn’t anything but if something came up in my department she’d consider me. I then reached out to everyone I knew that wasn’t also Nate’s friend for a place to stay. My cousin invited me to stay in her spare room for as long as I needed and I could move in straight away so that was amazing, in the four days it took me too pack my stuff and move out I didn’t see or speak to Nate I doubt he even noticed.
I didn’t trust myself at the time to ignore a “you up text” so I blocked him and everyone close to him even changed me number/email to make sure he couldn’t reach me. The first night at my cousins was the night everything hit me I think I cried every night the first month. I honestly felt like garbage. I thought about what Nate said over and over again it made me feel so low like I was nothing. He only stayed with me because I was just there but thankfully my cousin sent for my mom, other cousins and real friends to give me an intervention which I badly needed. I believe that first month I wouldn’t have made it without my cousin.
I’m still healing and waiting on that job transfer because I feel like if I’m not in the same city as Nate and I have a place of my own the fresh start would do me the world of good.
I thought by now I’d be a distant memory for Nate but shockingly he sent flowers to my job today for my brithday which was on Sunday apparently he went to my parents house looking for me too and my mom admitted he’s been before dropping off stuff and tried to ask questions about me but they told him to leave.
The flowers came with a card saying “dear cassie happy belated birthday I’ve been thinking about you for non stop for the last few months especially with how everything ended I need to get something off my chest that I feel will haunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t tell you this to your face but I’ve no way of contacting you if it’s possible can we meet up in the near future -Nate”
What could he want? What’s haunting him he needs to say to my face?
Everyone in my life is telling me ignore him but they hate him.
I’m torn but I can’t lie my curiosity is telling me meet him to see what he wants Has anyone been in my shoes or in Nates?
UPDATE
So we ended up meeting and no I didn’t go to him
I had told the receptionist at my work if he came looking for just say I’m out for the day after he showed up once I didn’t want the drama of him around my job.
So nate just kept going to my usual places like the grocery store I go every Saturday evening or the park I ran at Sunday mornings (his words) till he would eventually run into me
And he did yesterday. he was waiting at the coffee shop I go to after my morning run. When I saw him I tried to do turn around and leave but he kept calling me so I thought to myself if everything went pear shaped, a coffee shop would be safer than my walk home
So I just sat down and asked him what he wanted. He gave an apology that wasn’t an apology you know the type with “I’m sorry but” and “pity me” he blamed his mental health, his job his parents, his friends everyone but himself
I took someone’s advice on here and said “cut the bull I already know everything.” he genuinely looked shocked and stared at me for a second I guess he thought his coworker already told me everything so he couldn’t lie
Here’s what really happened: he fell for a girl in his office. When he told me her name I knew her immediately. I’ve met her a few times.
He told for the last two years he idolised her (to be fair she’s beautiful with an amazing personality) and he hated me because I was the one stopping them from being together because his coworker was too classy to be a side piece. When he broke up with me he confessed to her that he was madly in love with her and he ended a 9 year relationship to be with her
Well here’s were it gets funny. She doesn’t even like him lol. She called him a piece of trash and told him if he ever spoke to her outside work she’d report him to HR. So I asked him what has any of this got to do with me. Like, we are over. I clearly cut ties. There’s no reason for us to speak?
He wants to try again promised we’d get married before the year ends that we belong together, I told him no I’m nobody's second choice. He threw me away after 9 years and said some pretty cruel things to me and now he thinks if he snaps his fingers I’ll come running back, he tried to beg and fake tears bringing the good times in our relationship
I told him please leave me alone as he wasted too much of my time already. I texted my cousin to meet me at the coffee shop he kept saying nonsense even suggested if I went to couples counseling for a few months he’d leave me alone the 20 minutes it took for my cousin to arrive felt like 20 years
In the end I just stopped listening and stood at the counter making small talk with baristas till my cousin arrived
He stayed in the coffee shop as far as I know and we just went home that’s it
It’s only been a day but I feel like it’s over and I’m free of him
Report
32points
#3 Woman Records Fiancé’s Plan To Backstab Her Days After Giving Birth, Exposes Him
AITAH for exposing my fiancé to his family and ruining his life?
Me(25F) and my fiance(26M) have been together for a decade and have our first child. Our relationship hasn’t always been rainbows and sunshine but it was steady and solid. Or so I thought. I just gave birth to our first child last November and is a SAHM. Something we both decided and agreed to. My savings are substantial since I earned really good money and saved early on. My savings was gonna be used for our baby’s necessities while his income will cover the bills.
The condo and two cars are under my name. The condo and my car are paid off. It’s only his car that is not. I put down half of the amount as a down payment so the monthly payments are not that high plus with my good credit, the interest was low. I did have plans on paying off his car and putting it in his when I got back to work. I’m currently on a 6mo hiatus from work due to sepsis from my c-section and other birth complications. Giving birth to our first child nearly ended me.
I came back from my postpartum appointment last week and heard my fiancé’s diabolical plan. I did not expect to record it but the timing was just perfect. Let me set the stage. As I said I came home from my postpartum appointment and was told I have the green light to devour my fiancé.
I gleefully went to VS to get lingeries and matching bras and panties because I was quite hot and ready to jump this man’s bones again. I was recording myself and the VS bags when I heard him. I thought it was even more perfect that he was home already and I got these goodies ready to show him. Possibly make a quick movie. So I continued recording but instead what I heard and recorded broke my heart. I’m so glad our baby can’t understand what’s going on yet because I don’t think I could handle explaining.
My fiance of 10 years was cheating on me, had plans to take money from me through child support but actually have his parents take care of our baby, is planning to take the condo and cars. I am sick. I am devastated. I distraught. I am heartbroken. I stopped recording and quietly went to our bedroom with our baby and cried. I woke up to my baby crying and I felt like a zombie. I was so numb and my thoughts were all jumbled. The VS bags was still in the hallway. He laid next to me asleep and snoring while I mustered the courage to send the recording to his parents. His parents blew up his phone in the morning and he in turn, blew up on me. Calling me names, slamming doors, punching walls. He forgot that we have cameras in the house so everything is recorded.
He said his parents are cutting him off and it’s all my fault. I embarrassed him and ruined his life. I had no right to record him. He said I’ll regret it and he will get everything I had. I told him to try me. I’ve already talked to a lawyer and in our state common law marriage is not recognized and the person who the child lives with does not pay child support. Seeing as everything is in my name, he has to move out. I gave him the rest of the month to move out. His parents and brother have been teaching out to me and has been very supportive and apologetic. My side of the family doesn’t know yet.
He called many times and left voicemails, texts and even emails and letters since I changed lock on the doors and the code on the garage door. He wants to work it out and go to therapy. I honestly don’t want to talk to him or work it out. I just want him out. I spent a decade of my life giving this man everything. I’m not perfect or a saint but I’ve never and never will do something like that. I just want to move on.
EDIT: I’m sorry for the confusion about my hiatus and being a SAHM. I was already going to be on hiatus for work for 6mo pp but when we realized how much medical issues I had - me and my EX fiance decided and agreed it would be best for me to be SAHM for the FIRST year of our baby’s life. It was a spontaneous decision. I was medically advised against any physical activity/labor for 16 weeks so it wasn’t like I could drive to different clinics and hospitals for work. So think of it as SAHM for the first year + 6mo hiatus. I can return to work now since I’ve gotten a medical clearance. My agency doesn’t allow anyone on maternity leave to work unless there’s a medical clearance from a doctor.
I’m a mobile registered medical diagnostic sonographer since there are people wondering how a 25 yr old can afford a condo and two cars. I get paid a higher rate than an in house RMDS because I travel and work for an agency. I accept whatever assignment I want for the day/week. Both cars are used, mine is paid off(15k and have had since I was 18) and the other car is 18k which I only need to pay $3.6k on since I did put half of the amount down with low interest. I’ve been working since I was 15 and saving $. I’m smart with my money. It’s expensive out here.
UPDATE : Hello, it’s me. My therapist advised against updating this and yes, I did tell my therapist I made a Reddit account but I told her why. She said sometimes it’s best to let this fade with time but if it’ll help me then I’m free to do so.
So, I’m back working which has been a refreshing change because it helped my mind stay busy and focused on anything that wasn’t this nightmare. My bestfriend surprised me the day after I posted this because she said I’ve been giving her ‘depressed weirdo vibes’. So thankful for when she showed up because as I’ve mentioned I had dark thoughts and they were getting scary. She stayed with me for two weeks despite me telling her a week would be just as appreciated. She insisted that she be there for me and my baby. Her staying two weeks was very much needed truthfully because my ex reached out to my lawyer about coming to get all his things.
My bestfriend made sure during the day he was there that he wouldn’t try anything funny. He did say that he’s offended that I don’t trust him to be around me and our son unattended. And how I was being dramatic by having someone be present.
It took him the WHOLE day and the day felt like it dragged on forever because I was so anxious with him being around. Like that dreadful and sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach that even a sip of water makes you feel like you’re gonna throw up? Before he left he asked if we can talk before ‘permanently going our separate ways’.
My therapist and bestfriend and lawyer were against it but I agreed which I later regret because this man is an a-hole. My bestfriend took my baby with her and stayed nearby. Me and my ex met up at a park and he tried to hug me but I told him I don’t want to be touched. He scoffed and said whatever.
He said I don’t understand what it’s like to be a man who’s suppose to be a provider and a protector. That his friends would make fun of him for having a ‘female’ who is financially independent with her own place and car. How his friends said it makes him seem like a sugar baby and not a man. That how can he let a ‘female’ take care of him.
I just stood there silently because to me it was just unacceptable and made no sense. He was there through every step and every stage that I took to get where I was at. I made sure my success was his success too. I made sure what I had, he got too. I loved this man. I lived by the promise we made when we graduated high school with a greenery of goals and inspirations in our minds about how we wanted our future to be like.
I let him talk about his childhood and how hard his life was despite me being there since we were 14. He said it didn’t feel good to have someone come at his manhood.
He complained about how hard life was. I asked him what made life hard and he just kept stuttering about his manhood being questioned by my independence. He said he was always anxious and stressed that I could leave him if I wanted to. I asked him did he think what he did helped his anxiety and stress about me leaving and he got upset. He called me a narcissist, a manipulator and a femmy. He said he’s sorry for our son for having a mom like me. That he won’t be paying child support. When I told him I don’t need his money, he told me to F off and left.
As I said I’m not perfect and I’m far from a being a saint but I’ve never had any mind or intentions of doing anyone I love wrong. What he did was beyond wrong. It was diabolical. All because he was tired of being made fun of him? He couldn’t retort with pride and dignity? He couldn’t see or feel the love and support in his surroundings? I was sick. Whatever he wanted, I was there to help him make it happen. Everything he went thru, I was there even when he pushed me away because I promise to be there thru thick and thin … now here I am pouring my worst nightmare to strangers online.
I watched him walk away and I suddenly didn’t recognize the boy I crushed on in middle school. The boy I’d kiss after his basketball games in high school. The man who said he’d love me forever after the birth of our child. All the things he said replayed in my head and I realized i didn’t know him the way I prided myself I did.
I finally told my side of the family of our separation. Lots of question but I did ask that they respect our privacy and give us space. Only one of my cousins knows what happened and thankfully she’s in another state because I would have to bail her out by the way she described how she was to enact her revenge on him. I haven’t told my mom but she said she's gonna be spending a few weeks at my place to help me adjust in October. My bestfriend had also offered to come back around the time my mom comes.
No, I will not be pressing him about child custody or visitations. I did have my lawyer reach out to him about possibly giving up his rights. My ex’s parents begged me to change my mind about that but I assured them they can still see their grandbaby. My ex was more than happy to give up his rights. It hurt for him to easily and willingly agree because I thought he would’ve fought for our son.
Also I’m thinking of moving back to Cali and selling my condo and just staying at my mom’s for a year till I save enough for a down payment but knowing Cali house prices - probably wouldn’t happen.
Me(25F) and my fiance(26M) have been together for a decade and have our first child. Our relationship hasn’t always been rainbows and sunshine but it was steady and solid. Or so I thought. I just gave birth to our first child last November and is a SAHM. Something we both decided and agreed to. My savings are substantial since I earned really good money and saved early on. My savings was gonna be used for our baby’s necessities while his income will cover the bills.
The condo and two cars are under my name. The condo and my car are paid off. It’s only his car that is not. I put down half of the amount as a down payment so the monthly payments are not that high plus with my good credit, the interest was low. I did have plans on paying off his car and putting it in his when I got back to work. I’m currently on a 6mo hiatus from work due to sepsis from my c-section and other birth complications. Giving birth to our first child nearly ended me.
I came back from my postpartum appointment last week and heard my fiancé’s diabolical plan. I did not expect to record it but the timing was just perfect. Let me set the stage. As I said I came home from my postpartum appointment and was told I have the green light to devour my fiancé.
I gleefully went to VS to get lingeries and matching bras and panties because I was quite hot and ready to jump this man’s bones again. I was recording myself and the VS bags when I heard him. I thought it was even more perfect that he was home already and I got these goodies ready to show him. Possibly make a quick movie. So I continued recording but instead what I heard and recorded broke my heart. I’m so glad our baby can’t understand what’s going on yet because I don’t think I could handle explaining.
My fiance of 10 years was cheating on me, had plans to take money from me through child support but actually have his parents take care of our baby, is planning to take the condo and cars. I am sick. I am devastated. I distraught. I am heartbroken. I stopped recording and quietly went to our bedroom with our baby and cried. I woke up to my baby crying and I felt like a zombie. I was so numb and my thoughts were all jumbled. The VS bags was still in the hallway. He laid next to me asleep and snoring while I mustered the courage to send the recording to his parents. His parents blew up his phone in the morning and he in turn, blew up on me. Calling me names, slamming doors, punching walls. He forgot that we have cameras in the house so everything is recorded.
He said his parents are cutting him off and it’s all my fault. I embarrassed him and ruined his life. I had no right to record him. He said I’ll regret it and he will get everything I had. I told him to try me. I’ve already talked to a lawyer and in our state common law marriage is not recognized and the person who the child lives with does not pay child support. Seeing as everything is in my name, he has to move out. I gave him the rest of the month to move out. His parents and brother have been teaching out to me and has been very supportive and apologetic. My side of the family doesn’t know yet.
He called many times and left voicemails, texts and even emails and letters since I changed lock on the doors and the code on the garage door. He wants to work it out and go to therapy. I honestly don’t want to talk to him or work it out. I just want him out. I spent a decade of my life giving this man everything. I’m not perfect or a saint but I’ve never and never will do something like that. I just want to move on.
EDIT: I’m sorry for the confusion about my hiatus and being a SAHM. I was already going to be on hiatus for work for 6mo pp but when we realized how much medical issues I had - me and my EX fiance decided and agreed it would be best for me to be SAHM for the FIRST year of our baby’s life. It was a spontaneous decision. I was medically advised against any physical activity/labor for 16 weeks so it wasn’t like I could drive to different clinics and hospitals for work. So think of it as SAHM for the first year + 6mo hiatus. I can return to work now since I’ve gotten a medical clearance. My agency doesn’t allow anyone on maternity leave to work unless there’s a medical clearance from a doctor.
I’m a mobile registered medical diagnostic sonographer since there are people wondering how a 25 yr old can afford a condo and two cars. I get paid a higher rate than an in house RMDS because I travel and work for an agency. I accept whatever assignment I want for the day/week. Both cars are used, mine is paid off(15k and have had since I was 18) and the other car is 18k which I only need to pay $3.6k on since I did put half of the amount down with low interest. I’ve been working since I was 15 and saving $. I’m smart with my money. It’s expensive out here.
UPDATE : Hello, it’s me. My therapist advised against updating this and yes, I did tell my therapist I made a Reddit account but I told her why. She said sometimes it’s best to let this fade with time but if it’ll help me then I’m free to do so.
So, I’m back working which has been a refreshing change because it helped my mind stay busy and focused on anything that wasn’t this nightmare. My bestfriend surprised me the day after I posted this because she said I’ve been giving her ‘depressed weirdo vibes’. So thankful for when she showed up because as I’ve mentioned I had dark thoughts and they were getting scary. She stayed with me for two weeks despite me telling her a week would be just as appreciated. She insisted that she be there for me and my baby. Her staying two weeks was very much needed truthfully because my ex reached out to my lawyer about coming to get all his things.
My bestfriend made sure during the day he was there that he wouldn’t try anything funny. He did say that he’s offended that I don’t trust him to be around me and our son unattended. And how I was being dramatic by having someone be present.
It took him the WHOLE day and the day felt like it dragged on forever because I was so anxious with him being around. Like that dreadful and sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach that even a sip of water makes you feel like you’re gonna throw up? Before he left he asked if we can talk before ‘permanently going our separate ways’.
My therapist and bestfriend and lawyer were against it but I agreed which I later regret because this man is an a-hole. My bestfriend took my baby with her and stayed nearby. Me and my ex met up at a park and he tried to hug me but I told him I don’t want to be touched. He scoffed and said whatever.
He said I don’t understand what it’s like to be a man who’s suppose to be a provider and a protector. That his friends would make fun of him for having a ‘female’ who is financially independent with her own place and car. How his friends said it makes him seem like a sugar baby and not a man. That how can he let a ‘female’ take care of him.
I just stood there silently because to me it was just unacceptable and made no sense. He was there through every step and every stage that I took to get where I was at. I made sure my success was his success too. I made sure what I had, he got too. I loved this man. I lived by the promise we made when we graduated high school with a greenery of goals and inspirations in our minds about how we wanted our future to be like.
I let him talk about his childhood and how hard his life was despite me being there since we were 14. He said it didn’t feel good to have someone come at his manhood.
He complained about how hard life was. I asked him what made life hard and he just kept stuttering about his manhood being questioned by my independence. He said he was always anxious and stressed that I could leave him if I wanted to. I asked him did he think what he did helped his anxiety and stress about me leaving and he got upset. He called me a narcissist, a manipulator and a femmy. He said he’s sorry for our son for having a mom like me. That he won’t be paying child support. When I told him I don’t need his money, he told me to F off and left.
As I said I’m not perfect and I’m far from a being a saint but I’ve never had any mind or intentions of doing anyone I love wrong. What he did was beyond wrong. It was diabolical. All because he was tired of being made fun of him? He couldn’t retort with pride and dignity? He couldn’t see or feel the love and support in his surroundings? I was sick. Whatever he wanted, I was there to help him make it happen. Everything he went thru, I was there even when he pushed me away because I promise to be there thru thick and thin … now here I am pouring my worst nightmare to strangers online.
I watched him walk away and I suddenly didn’t recognize the boy I crushed on in middle school. The boy I’d kiss after his basketball games in high school. The man who said he’d love me forever after the birth of our child. All the things he said replayed in my head and I realized i didn’t know him the way I prided myself I did.
I finally told my side of the family of our separation. Lots of question but I did ask that they respect our privacy and give us space. Only one of my cousins knows what happened and thankfully she’s in another state because I would have to bail her out by the way she described how she was to enact her revenge on him. I haven’t told my mom but she said she's gonna be spending a few weeks at my place to help me adjust in October. My bestfriend had also offered to come back around the time my mom comes.
No, I will not be pressing him about child custody or visitations. I did have my lawyer reach out to him about possibly giving up his rights. My ex’s parents begged me to change my mind about that but I assured them they can still see their grandbaby. My ex was more than happy to give up his rights. It hurt for him to easily and willingly agree because I thought he would’ve fought for our son.
Also I’m thinking of moving back to Cali and selling my condo and just staying at my mom’s for a year till I save enough for a down payment but knowing Cali house prices - probably wouldn’t happen.
Report
22points
#4 MIL Believes Dil Rigged Baby’s Gender, Husband Quietly Moves Forward With Divorce Papers
Am I the jerk for ‘predetermining’ my baby’s gender?
Sorry if the title isn’t great, I had a hard time coming up with something that would make sense, hopefully it does and it’s not misleading.
Okay to start me (27F) and my husband (28M) have been married for 4 years. His parents (his mother specifically) and I have never had any problems, but we’ve never quite meshed or seen eye to eye. We’ve always got along and been civil.
Our future family has been the talk for years. My husband will be the last of his siblings to have children, all of his siblings have at least one. It’s been a running joke in the family that if our first happens to be a girl she won’t be accepted because everyone else had a boy for a firstborn. The joke has never sat quite right with me but I’ve laughed it off because I don’t want to start anything and maybe I’m just being sensitive.
Fast forward to a few months ago when we started trying. It took about 3 months for me to get pregnant, we tracked my cycle and had scheduled trying for the best chance. Infertility runs in my family and my hubby and I agreed on a big family so I’ve been worried about starting a family so late in the game. When I did get pregnant, we were overjoyed.
We had all the typical couple conversations that come with having a baby, the excitement, names, nursery themes, gender predictions, etc. He talked about wanting a son first so he could be the big strong leader for all his younger siblings and carry on the family name (a very big deal to him instilled by his parents). I expressed my desire to have a little girl I could dress up and match with. It became a playful banter. He’d refer to the baby as son, and I would call the baby our daughter.
About a week before our gender scan, I searched up all the old wives tales and made us a chart we could fill out together to see who would hypothetically win our little bet. It included the ring test, Chinese horoscope, heartbeat, cravings, etc. The results ended up being about 50/50 in the end which made us even more excited to find out for certain at our scan.
The following week we went to our appointment and discovered that our baby was a girl!! We were both extremely excited. Hubby was disappointed to lose but told me he was overjoyed to be raising a daughter by my side. That night we called our families to share the news. After calling his family, his mother asked to speak to him privately. I went to bed alone as their conversation carried on for well over an hour.
The following morning, I woke up alone. There was a note on my husbands nightstand explaining that someone would be by the house to pick up his belongings later this evening. I immediately tried to call him only to realize he had blocked my number. I then tried his mom.
His mother picked up on the first ring. Before I had the chance to get a word in she started chewing me out calling me manipulative. I asked her what I had done and she told me I’d ruined her sons reputation with my inexcusable behaviors and tendencies. I let her finish her rant before kindly asking her what she was taking about. She told me the divorce papers were already written up and I wouldn’t have the chance to tear apart the family like I had been intending to do all this time. I again, slightly less kindly this time, asked her what she was talking about. To which she told me my husband would be leaving me because our child is a girl.
I. Was. Gobsmacked. I explained to her that it takes two to tango and there’s no way to truly decide the gender of the baby and if her or her son had a problem with the gender it was his fault as it’s his chromosome that determines the gender, but she had proof that I’d “handpicked” to have a girl.
Like I said before we used a calendar to determine which days would be best for conceiving. Well, MIL accused me of forcing him to ‘do it’ with me on the specific day which the Chinese horoscope would point to girl. She also interrogated me on the position we used to conceive the baby which I gave her a piece of my mind told her that was none of her business but she smugly informed me my husband had already told her and the position we used makes it 60% more likely to have a girl that way. (If anyone's currently trying for a girl specifically doing cowgirl sometime in the middle of February should do the trick every time apparently).
She finished off by telling me that my clear preference for my family name was disgusting and she was glad to finally be rid of me and my manipulative ways before hanging up.
I’ve had no contact with my husband since and it’s been over a month. He’s blocked me on everything. I can’t help but feel that this hasn’t all been his choice, but then again he’s a grown adult so I can’t imagine his mother controlling him like that. I’ve been staying with my sister since it all went down, she says I can stay as long as I need but I’m thinking I want to get my own place, maybe even a few states away. What do I do? Should I pack up and move on? Should I continue trying to contact my husband? Any advice would be appreciated.
UPDATE: We’re getting a divorce
Wow! I honestly haven’t been on Reddit at all since my last update because well, growing a human is hard as it is, and then add my crazy life on top of it. But, after getting hundreds of emails from Reddit today, I realized it must have been shared somewhere else to be blowing up like this and now that there’s so many of you I figure I owe you all an update. So here it is.
Hopefully I can get this all typed out in a way that makes sense. Even though it’s been a few weeks since this all went down, I’m still in shock and I haven’t been able to collect my thoughts (let’s just blame it on the pregnancy brain and pretend that my life isn’t falling apart before my own eyes).
I was able to catch my husband as he was leaving work one night and got his side of the story out of him like I had hoped. As suspected, he admitted that he was excited for a baby girl, and after speaking to his mom, she forced him to leave and block me. His MOTHER already had the divorce papers ready to go.
I tried to tell him that we could fix this. We could raise our daughter together away from his mother. (I know I sound messed in the head and naïve for this, but I grew up in a household without a father figure and I was hopeful my daughter could have a different home life experience than what I had) not to discredit my mother. She’s a boss of a woman and I hope I can be half of the woman she is for my daughter one day.
Anyways, my husband had none of it. He said that he realized how conniving and manipulative i had been throughout our entire relationship and he did want to actually go through with the divorce. He said he’d have no problem giving me full custody of the ‘thing that’s growing inside of me’.
That’s when I lost all hope. I have no problem leaving a man who’s so easily brainwashed by his mother like that. I’ll raise this baby alone.
That’s bad enough, but here’s the real icing on the cake - I received a phone call from my soon to be ex-husbands brothers wife (we’ve always been quite close and she’s been my saving grace throughout my pregnancy giving me all the tips for nausea etc. she has 3 of her own, 2 boys and a girl) anyways, she informed me over the phone that she overheard a conversation at weekly Sunday dinner that mother in law and husband are trying to blindside me in court and take full custody.
I was livid, full on seeing red. I called mother in law straight away and demanded to speak to my husband. All he had to say for himself was that he realized he didn’t want any of his offspring to be raised by such a manipulative freak and even though he doesn’t actually want her, he’s sure he can grow to love her again.
I’m not sure what to do at this point. I know I have a good case for myself but I’m terrified they’ll win the battle and take everything from me. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about my daughter growing up somewhere where she isn’t loved. Even if custody is split 50/50 I’ll have no control over the lies they’re guaranteed to feed her. My emotions are going haywire trying to write all this out so I think I’m going to leave it at that. Thank you for all of the love and support you all have shown me and my baby girl. The internet can truly be an amazing place.
EDIT: adding that my brother in law and his wife are planning on leaving the family dynamic after seeing the way I’ve been treated. They have a daughter of their own and while she’s been accepted as she wasn’t the first born. They’re very uncomfortable with the misogyny within the family. BIL is the first born and I think the what ifs are messing with his head.
Sorry if the title isn’t great, I had a hard time coming up with something that would make sense, hopefully it does and it’s not misleading.
Okay to start me (27F) and my husband (28M) have been married for 4 years. His parents (his mother specifically) and I have never had any problems, but we’ve never quite meshed or seen eye to eye. We’ve always got along and been civil.
Our future family has been the talk for years. My husband will be the last of his siblings to have children, all of his siblings have at least one. It’s been a running joke in the family that if our first happens to be a girl she won’t be accepted because everyone else had a boy for a firstborn. The joke has never sat quite right with me but I’ve laughed it off because I don’t want to start anything and maybe I’m just being sensitive.
Fast forward to a few months ago when we started trying. It took about 3 months for me to get pregnant, we tracked my cycle and had scheduled trying for the best chance. Infertility runs in my family and my hubby and I agreed on a big family so I’ve been worried about starting a family so late in the game. When I did get pregnant, we were overjoyed.
We had all the typical couple conversations that come with having a baby, the excitement, names, nursery themes, gender predictions, etc. He talked about wanting a son first so he could be the big strong leader for all his younger siblings and carry on the family name (a very big deal to him instilled by his parents). I expressed my desire to have a little girl I could dress up and match with. It became a playful banter. He’d refer to the baby as son, and I would call the baby our daughter.
About a week before our gender scan, I searched up all the old wives tales and made us a chart we could fill out together to see who would hypothetically win our little bet. It included the ring test, Chinese horoscope, heartbeat, cravings, etc. The results ended up being about 50/50 in the end which made us even more excited to find out for certain at our scan.
The following week we went to our appointment and discovered that our baby was a girl!! We were both extremely excited. Hubby was disappointed to lose but told me he was overjoyed to be raising a daughter by my side. That night we called our families to share the news. After calling his family, his mother asked to speak to him privately. I went to bed alone as their conversation carried on for well over an hour.
The following morning, I woke up alone. There was a note on my husbands nightstand explaining that someone would be by the house to pick up his belongings later this evening. I immediately tried to call him only to realize he had blocked my number. I then tried his mom.
His mother picked up on the first ring. Before I had the chance to get a word in she started chewing me out calling me manipulative. I asked her what I had done and she told me I’d ruined her sons reputation with my inexcusable behaviors and tendencies. I let her finish her rant before kindly asking her what she was taking about. She told me the divorce papers were already written up and I wouldn’t have the chance to tear apart the family like I had been intending to do all this time. I again, slightly less kindly this time, asked her what she was talking about. To which she told me my husband would be leaving me because our child is a girl.
I. Was. Gobsmacked. I explained to her that it takes two to tango and there’s no way to truly decide the gender of the baby and if her or her son had a problem with the gender it was his fault as it’s his chromosome that determines the gender, but she had proof that I’d “handpicked” to have a girl.
Like I said before we used a calendar to determine which days would be best for conceiving. Well, MIL accused me of forcing him to ‘do it’ with me on the specific day which the Chinese horoscope would point to girl. She also interrogated me on the position we used to conceive the baby which I gave her a piece of my mind told her that was none of her business but she smugly informed me my husband had already told her and the position we used makes it 60% more likely to have a girl that way. (If anyone's currently trying for a girl specifically doing cowgirl sometime in the middle of February should do the trick every time apparently).
She finished off by telling me that my clear preference for my family name was disgusting and she was glad to finally be rid of me and my manipulative ways before hanging up.
I’ve had no contact with my husband since and it’s been over a month. He’s blocked me on everything. I can’t help but feel that this hasn’t all been his choice, but then again he’s a grown adult so I can’t imagine his mother controlling him like that. I’ve been staying with my sister since it all went down, she says I can stay as long as I need but I’m thinking I want to get my own place, maybe even a few states away. What do I do? Should I pack up and move on? Should I continue trying to contact my husband? Any advice would be appreciated.
UPDATE: We’re getting a divorce
Wow! I honestly haven’t been on Reddit at all since my last update because well, growing a human is hard as it is, and then add my crazy life on top of it. But, after getting hundreds of emails from Reddit today, I realized it must have been shared somewhere else to be blowing up like this and now that there’s so many of you I figure I owe you all an update. So here it is.
Hopefully I can get this all typed out in a way that makes sense. Even though it’s been a few weeks since this all went down, I’m still in shock and I haven’t been able to collect my thoughts (let’s just blame it on the pregnancy brain and pretend that my life isn’t falling apart before my own eyes).
I was able to catch my husband as he was leaving work one night and got his side of the story out of him like I had hoped. As suspected, he admitted that he was excited for a baby girl, and after speaking to his mom, she forced him to leave and block me. His MOTHER already had the divorce papers ready to go.
I tried to tell him that we could fix this. We could raise our daughter together away from his mother. (I know I sound messed in the head and naïve for this, but I grew up in a household without a father figure and I was hopeful my daughter could have a different home life experience than what I had) not to discredit my mother. She’s a boss of a woman and I hope I can be half of the woman she is for my daughter one day.
Anyways, my husband had none of it. He said that he realized how conniving and manipulative i had been throughout our entire relationship and he did want to actually go through with the divorce. He said he’d have no problem giving me full custody of the ‘thing that’s growing inside of me’.
That’s when I lost all hope. I have no problem leaving a man who’s so easily brainwashed by his mother like that. I’ll raise this baby alone.
That’s bad enough, but here’s the real icing on the cake - I received a phone call from my soon to be ex-husbands brothers wife (we’ve always been quite close and she’s been my saving grace throughout my pregnancy giving me all the tips for nausea etc. she has 3 of her own, 2 boys and a girl) anyways, she informed me over the phone that she overheard a conversation at weekly Sunday dinner that mother in law and husband are trying to blindside me in court and take full custody.
I was livid, full on seeing red. I called mother in law straight away and demanded to speak to my husband. All he had to say for himself was that he realized he didn’t want any of his offspring to be raised by such a manipulative freak and even though he doesn’t actually want her, he’s sure he can grow to love her again.
I’m not sure what to do at this point. I know I have a good case for myself but I’m terrified they’ll win the battle and take everything from me. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about my daughter growing up somewhere where she isn’t loved. Even if custody is split 50/50 I’ll have no control over the lies they’re guaranteed to feed her. My emotions are going haywire trying to write all this out so I think I’m going to leave it at that. Thank you for all of the love and support you all have shown me and my baby girl. The internet can truly be an amazing place.
EDIT: adding that my brother in law and his wife are planning on leaving the family dynamic after seeing the way I’ve been treated. They have a daughter of their own and while she’s been accepted as she wasn’t the first born. They’re very uncomfortable with the misogyny within the family. BIL is the first born and I think the what ifs are messing with his head.
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18points
#5 Man Ditches Wife Mid-Contractions For Ex-Girlfriend’s “Emergency,” Returns To Empty Home
AITA for not letting my husband meet our first born child
My husband has this best friend, Anna. They've been friends for a long time and dated years ago, mutually deciding that its best for them to remain friends. I've had no problem with this relationship until now.
On the day that I gave birth, Anna's brother got into a car accident. My husband got a call from her in the middle of the night and asked him if he could drop her at the hospital her brother was at (an hour away from us) since she was too scared to drive. My husband agreed, told me quickly while I was half-asleep and rushed out.
A few hours later, I had contractions and called my husband. He didn't pick up after multiple tries so I gave up and called my Dad, who drove me to the local hospital (12 minutes away). I was so scared of giving birth alone since I've had about 3 miscarriages and 1 stillborn.
My husband promised me that no matter what, he'd be there for me. Guess what? He wasn't. We called multiple times while I was in labor and when he finally picked up my Dad's call when I was giving birth, saying that he'd misplaced his phone in the chaos, my Dad informed him that no matter how fast he drives anymore, he's going to miss the birth of his child.
Well, my husband took that as "he's already screwed up, so it doesn't matter when he shows up at this point" so when he FINALLY came, our daughter was about 5 hours old and I'd already moved to the maternity ward.
When he came, I refused to let him see our baby (edit: did let husband hold and play with baby after discharge) because I was so high on emotions and was shaking when I saw him and didn't want it negatively affect my time with the baby. I wanted her birth to be a happy time and I was already struggling to feed her.
My husband was in a bad state and told me to please let him see her, so I told him to stand by the window and held the baby up so he could see her. I told him to then leave and he'll be allowed to interact with the baby at my father's home when we're both well and out of the hospital and that I was most likely divorcing him.
He starting bawling and apologizing and defended himself by saying that Anna's brother was in serious critical condition and although he's fine, Anna needed him. Though Anna's parents were there, she's not that close with them and she was in an unbearable state.
I told him that I didn't care and that his daughter has already come second to him and all she did was be born. I'm putting my daughter's and my health first and won't let her be sidelined. My husband agreed and left. However, Anna called me later and said that I was being controlling and she'd never met someone as cruel as me for not letting a father see his baby. I told her that my husband made his decision and that this was his doing not mine.
But now, I can't help feel cruel in my actions and feel like I'm depriving my baby of both her parents being together. My husband sees her a few hours each day now. AITA?
Edit: I feel like this is useful information and could explain why I was so mad.
Anna’s brother was not in a life threatening situation. He had serious injuries, but most were concentrated on his legs and arm. He did have a concussion but gained consciousness soon. Anna was there along with both her parents who managed all the hospital stuff. My husband was there as a emotional support for Anna.
I did let my husband see our baby, right after I got discharged (Edit: husband saw baby, husband held baby, husband played with baby). I wanted a couple days of rest and bonding with the baby since my emotions were so high and I was afraid if my husband was a continuous presence, I’d get stressed and something bad would happen. I told him as such. They spend time together, but I’m still cold with him.
I may still be the jerk, I don’t know, but I’m still so mad at him and it’s not the first time he put Anna before me. I can forgive the other times since I could handle it but this time was the straw. I was so scared to hold my baby because I was paranoid the minute I touch her, something would happen to her and no one was there to comfort me. I only had my dad but he wasn’t in the delivery room which is why i’m not too keen on forgiving my husband.
Also, we both knew the baby was due anytime now so I don’t understand why my husband didn’t have his phone on him. We even tried reaching out to Anna and she didn’t pick up either.
After he learned I was giving birth, they already knew that Anna’s brother was going to be alright. He spent that time making sure that Anna was okay and feeding her and then waiting for the brother to regain consciousness. He could’ve come back after seeing his daughter to talk with the brother. He would’ve made it back in time.
Edit: So many of you got it wrong. I’m not preventing him from EVER seeing his baby, that is stupid and unreasonable. He literally saw her about a day later when we were discharged and safely at my dads home. He already didn’t see her for 5 hours on purpose and put Anna first, I didn’t think an additional day would make much of a difference. And it wasn’t to him, he was happy to see the baby and he spends time with her all the time. She’s two months now.
And also, I’m not mad about the fact he went to see Anna, I’m mad that he didn’t think we were a high priority to rush back to. He left me so quickly in the middle of the night when I was already late, he couldn’t have left Anna in the care of her parents and rushed as soon as possible? She’s not a child and she doesn’t have any mental health issues either.
Edit 3: So sorry for all the edits! But someone just messaged me this: What if my baby was born a stillborn again? He had no way to know since he and I didn’t have ANY contact after I gave birth. Thank the stars, my baby is healthy and well but it was a possibility.
Edit/Update: Thank you everyone for your replies. I think that I was a jerk for using my child against him and should have told him that he could hold and then asked him to leave.
So the divorce is probably going to happen. My brother is looking at lawyers for me.
In the midst of this whole mess, this post made me realize I never checked on Anna’s brother to see how he’s healing because I was so irked by Anna. I called him and he said that he was doing well and will be out of his wheelchair soon. He asked about me and the baby and how I was doing with the split and if I was okay with my husband and ... Anna.
I can’t believe I was so oblivious. I thought they had an emotional thing going on because of this and when I confronted my husband, he denied it and said me and our baby were his priority and he made a “mistake” and he was being dumb.
Yea no, Anna’s brother kindly informed me that he and Anna’s parents thought that my husband and I split when I was 7 months pregnant and that Anna and him were back on. He showed up at the hospital as Anna’s boyfriend which is why they didn’t bat an eye that he was there and not with his pregnant wife. Because apparently we split. Her brothers procedures were done well before the afternoon so I don’t know that my husband and Anna were doing for all those hours, but I don’t even wanna know. If you want more details, I can answer in a comment.
Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. I will be moving back home and filing for full custody. I don’t want my baby growing up to be like her father or Anna. He can be fun dad or whatever it is he wants to be.
My husband has this best friend, Anna. They've been friends for a long time and dated years ago, mutually deciding that its best for them to remain friends. I've had no problem with this relationship until now.
On the day that I gave birth, Anna's brother got into a car accident. My husband got a call from her in the middle of the night and asked him if he could drop her at the hospital her brother was at (an hour away from us) since she was too scared to drive. My husband agreed, told me quickly while I was half-asleep and rushed out.
A few hours later, I had contractions and called my husband. He didn't pick up after multiple tries so I gave up and called my Dad, who drove me to the local hospital (12 minutes away). I was so scared of giving birth alone since I've had about 3 miscarriages and 1 stillborn.
My husband promised me that no matter what, he'd be there for me. Guess what? He wasn't. We called multiple times while I was in labor and when he finally picked up my Dad's call when I was giving birth, saying that he'd misplaced his phone in the chaos, my Dad informed him that no matter how fast he drives anymore, he's going to miss the birth of his child.
Well, my husband took that as "he's already screwed up, so it doesn't matter when he shows up at this point" so when he FINALLY came, our daughter was about 5 hours old and I'd already moved to the maternity ward.
When he came, I refused to let him see our baby (edit: did let husband hold and play with baby after discharge) because I was so high on emotions and was shaking when I saw him and didn't want it negatively affect my time with the baby. I wanted her birth to be a happy time and I was already struggling to feed her.
My husband was in a bad state and told me to please let him see her, so I told him to stand by the window and held the baby up so he could see her. I told him to then leave and he'll be allowed to interact with the baby at my father's home when we're both well and out of the hospital and that I was most likely divorcing him.
He starting bawling and apologizing and defended himself by saying that Anna's brother was in serious critical condition and although he's fine, Anna needed him. Though Anna's parents were there, she's not that close with them and she was in an unbearable state.
I told him that I didn't care and that his daughter has already come second to him and all she did was be born. I'm putting my daughter's and my health first and won't let her be sidelined. My husband agreed and left. However, Anna called me later and said that I was being controlling and she'd never met someone as cruel as me for not letting a father see his baby. I told her that my husband made his decision and that this was his doing not mine.
But now, I can't help feel cruel in my actions and feel like I'm depriving my baby of both her parents being together. My husband sees her a few hours each day now. AITA?
Edit: I feel like this is useful information and could explain why I was so mad.
Anna’s brother was not in a life threatening situation. He had serious injuries, but most were concentrated on his legs and arm. He did have a concussion but gained consciousness soon. Anna was there along with both her parents who managed all the hospital stuff. My husband was there as a emotional support for Anna.
I did let my husband see our baby, right after I got discharged (Edit: husband saw baby, husband held baby, husband played with baby). I wanted a couple days of rest and bonding with the baby since my emotions were so high and I was afraid if my husband was a continuous presence, I’d get stressed and something bad would happen. I told him as such. They spend time together, but I’m still cold with him.
I may still be the jerk, I don’t know, but I’m still so mad at him and it’s not the first time he put Anna before me. I can forgive the other times since I could handle it but this time was the straw. I was so scared to hold my baby because I was paranoid the minute I touch her, something would happen to her and no one was there to comfort me. I only had my dad but he wasn’t in the delivery room which is why i’m not too keen on forgiving my husband.
Also, we both knew the baby was due anytime now so I don’t understand why my husband didn’t have his phone on him. We even tried reaching out to Anna and she didn’t pick up either.
After he learned I was giving birth, they already knew that Anna’s brother was going to be alright. He spent that time making sure that Anna was okay and feeding her and then waiting for the brother to regain consciousness. He could’ve come back after seeing his daughter to talk with the brother. He would’ve made it back in time.
Edit: So many of you got it wrong. I’m not preventing him from EVER seeing his baby, that is stupid and unreasonable. He literally saw her about a day later when we were discharged and safely at my dads home. He already didn’t see her for 5 hours on purpose and put Anna first, I didn’t think an additional day would make much of a difference. And it wasn’t to him, he was happy to see the baby and he spends time with her all the time. She’s two months now.
And also, I’m not mad about the fact he went to see Anna, I’m mad that he didn’t think we were a high priority to rush back to. He left me so quickly in the middle of the night when I was already late, he couldn’t have left Anna in the care of her parents and rushed as soon as possible? She’s not a child and she doesn’t have any mental health issues either.
Edit 3: So sorry for all the edits! But someone just messaged me this: What if my baby was born a stillborn again? He had no way to know since he and I didn’t have ANY contact after I gave birth. Thank the stars, my baby is healthy and well but it was a possibility.
Edit/Update: Thank you everyone for your replies. I think that I was a jerk for using my child against him and should have told him that he could hold and then asked him to leave.
So the divorce is probably going to happen. My brother is looking at lawyers for me.
In the midst of this whole mess, this post made me realize I never checked on Anna’s brother to see how he’s healing because I was so irked by Anna. I called him and he said that he was doing well and will be out of his wheelchair soon. He asked about me and the baby and how I was doing with the split and if I was okay with my husband and ... Anna.
I can’t believe I was so oblivious. I thought they had an emotional thing going on because of this and when I confronted my husband, he denied it and said me and our baby were his priority and he made a “mistake” and he was being dumb.
Yea no, Anna’s brother kindly informed me that he and Anna’s parents thought that my husband and I split when I was 7 months pregnant and that Anna and him were back on. He showed up at the hospital as Anna’s boyfriend which is why they didn’t bat an eye that he was there and not with his pregnant wife. Because apparently we split. Her brothers procedures were done well before the afternoon so I don’t know that my husband and Anna were doing for all those hours, but I don’t even wanna know. If you want more details, I can answer in a comment.
Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. I will be moving back home and filing for full custody. I don’t want my baby growing up to be like her father or Anna. He can be fun dad or whatever it is he wants to be.
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15points
#6 Mom Realizes Husband’s Lies Run Deep After Their Child Accidentally Exposes His Secret Absence
My husband left our 5 year old and 9 month old home alone and refuses to explain why
My husband is 43 and I'm 31. We've been married for 7 years and have a 5 year old and a 9 month old.
My husband left our children alone and he refuses to admit to it or tell me where he was. I'm furious, enraged, and my husband keeps telling me I'm making a big deal about nothing.
This just happened this weekend. I am on the board of directors for a local non-profit organization. I had to attend an event for that organization this past Saturday, and I was gone for most of the day. My husband was supposed to be home with our kids. I texted him a few times and he responded. When I called around mid-day he didn't respond, but that's not very unusual.
Shortly after that, I got a call from my mom. She said my son had just called her and when she asked him what he and his sister we doing, he said they were both watching TV. When she asked where their dad was, he said his dad wasn't there. My mom asked him several other questions and from my son's responses she believed he was telling the truth and that my husband wasn't there and that there was no adult there at all. She said he didn't seem scared to be alone or worried about where his dad was at. He just called her to chat. He has a tablet designed for children, with pre-programmed contacts that he can call. It's only a few people - just family members.
I left the event immediately and began texting and calling my husband repeatedly. He didn't respond to my first several attempts. It took him about 10 minutes (I was half way home at that point) to respond. I was so confused, so worried, really mad, and I asked him where he was. He said he was at home. I told him our son had just told his grandmother than he was home alone with his baby sister watching TV about 15 minutes ago. My husband denied it and I told him I was too upset to talk and drive.
When I got home, I checked on the kids right away and they were both fine. I asked my husband again - where was he? He said he was home the entire time, he doesn't know what our son was talking about but he must have just been confused since he had gone to the basement to do some laundry. I ran down to the basement - it was the same load of laundry I'd thrown in the dryer the night before! He didn't do any laundry when I was gone!
I asked my husband why my son would be confused about whether his dad was home or not. Where in our home would he have gone and for how long for our son to think his dad wasn't home? That doesn't make sense with a 5 year old and a 9 month old. You wouldn't leave them unattended that long. Why was he nowhere to be found when my mom asked my son to go check certain areas of the house?
I begged my husband to just admit it, to stop treating me like an idiot and to stop accusing our son of lying. Just tell me the truth, because being lied to right to my face is so incredibly maddening. He insists he was home, but he can't come up with any believable story of where he was at or what he was doing during that time. The way he answers me when I ask him about this and demand truthful answers is so dismissive. When I tell him "You left our children alone!" He quickly says "No, I didn't, so anyway..." He says I'm overreacting and letting our son's imagination drive me crazy.
I am convinced he was gone. We don't have a ring camera, but at least one of our neighbors does. I'm so upset about this that I'm tempted to ask our neighbor for the ring footage!
I had to go out to my car and scream and cry because I got so upset. Of course, I didn't want my kids to see my reaction. I can't put into words how upset I am about the fact that I know he must have really left them alone but have no proof and am being treated like I'm just a paranoid nutcase of a mother/woman by him!
UPDATE: Last weekend my husband left our 5 year old and 9 month old home alone while I was gone and then refused to admit it or provide a plausible explanation.
Since then, we had many arguments about it. I've been living in a constant state of anger and frustration. I didn’t want to fight about it anymore, but I couldn't help it and I kept bringing it up again and again. I couldn't "lay low" and pretend to get over it while I waited for him to do it again and catch him in whatever was going on. I also knew that demanding he tell me the truth wasn’t going to get me anywhere. Since he’d been refusing to talk and deflecting for days. All it was doing was making me enraged and feel like I was about to have a brain aneurysm.
I told him to hand me his phone so I could check his location at the time. He refused. He said he wouldn’t do it and that it was a violation of his privacy, he “won’t be treated that way” and refuses to give into my delusions. You think I enjoy being in a situation where I have to beg my husband to show me his phone so I can see where he was at? I hate it. I don’t want to live that way. I told him it’s simple - if he was really at home the entire time, just prove it. Why wouldn’t he want to clear this whole thing up?
I got so mad that he wouldn’t turn over his phone that I told him I was going to the neighbor’s to get their doorbell footage. At first he was like “fine, go do it.” He didn’t think I actually would. He knows I don’t like to air drama to others so he probably figured I’d just swallow all of this.
Luckily, I was totally being driven by anger at this point, so nothing was going to stop me from going to the neighbor’s. When I actually started to go out the door he tried to stop me and followed me out the door. I felt pure anger rushing through my veins, nothing else. The neighbor, who I’ve probably said less than 10 words to in the entire time we’ve lived here, told me he’d send me the footage. I went home, told my husband that the neighbor didn’t have the footage from that day anymore, and told him I just needed to go to the store and cool off. So I put the kids in the car and went and parked somewhere while I waited for the neighbor to send me the footage. I have the neighbor’s number now too, and he told me if I need any more footage he will be happy to give it to me.
The video shows a blue car that I don’t recognize show up and park in our driveway. A blonde woman gets out of the car and goes towards my house. She walks on the outside of our garage toward the gate leading to our backyard. The gate is too far back and out of the way to be seen on the doorbell footage. She and her car was there for 23 minutes. Imagine that - the car leaves right around the time that my husband called me to say he was home and had been home the entire time, as I was rushing home in a panic and calling him on repeat.
One of 2 possibilities as to where they went. She either came in through the side door of the house, which does provide direct access to the basement. Or, and what I think is more likely, is that they were in the back most area of our yard, which is a gated pool area. Immediately behind our house is a grass lawn, then you step down a few steps and we have a patio, and then there is a fully gated area where the pool is. It’s not like you think of when you picture a gated pool. It’s a full, 6ft wood fence all the way around, plus even taller landscaping for added privacy. You can’t see into the area at all unless you’re inside. I think it’s more likely that they were back there because my son said his dad’s keys were gone and we keep that gate locked with a key.
The pool is closed for winter, but there is 1 small building back there (sort of like a shed we converted into a changing area) and there is a covered patio with furniture. I’m convinced that’s where they were. So technically he was “home,” but in an area totally removed from the house and where he couldn’t see or hear the kids if something happened.
I asked him how he could explain this. What were they doing? (I obviously don’t need him to tell me what they were doing, but for some reason I still had hope that he’d finally be honest.) He wasn’t contrite. He showed no remorse. He was just like “Yeah, she was here, but I obviously never left!”
Who is she? How long has this been going on? And if he’s going to be such a disgusting, despicable excuse of a man then why couldn’t he at least have found any other time and any other lie or excuse other than when he was home alone with our kids? I told him I know this has happened before and I demanded to know how many times he’s done this when he’s been home alone with the kids. He swears this is the only time, but he still doesn’t have the balls to confess to what they were doing. I don’t believe him that this was the only time, fyi.
I still have so many questions and I still feel like my heart is beating 200 times a minute. My blood pressure is through the roof. I’ve cried a lot, sobbed, begged for somebody to help me, yelled, screamed, ordered a bunch of books about divorce and custody. And you know what? The next day after our multiple explosive fights, him putting his hands on me, and me seeing the evidence, he acted like everything was totally normal and like none of that stuff ever happened.
I woke up still seething, exhausted, broken, and he’s acting like everything is totally normal. He said he was ordering breakfast to be delivered from our favorite breakfast place. He asked if I wanted to go to the store together later and try this new recipe for chili tonight. What? Why would I want to do any of these things with you now? Absolutely no acknowledgement of anything he’s done or what’s transpired between us in the past few days. He deserved an Oscar for how well he was able to act like none of that happened, completely comfortable and non-phased.
I know that it’s a waste of my energy, but I just desperately want him to admit the full truth of what he did that day and any other day with this woman. I want to hear it from him. It won’t change whatever he’s done, but he could at least have the respect and decency to be honest now that he’s been caught. That’s a ridiculous thought though, right? How foolish of me to expect this man to show decency and honesty now? If he was a decent and honest man than he wouldn’t have had a strange woman over to our house and been out of sight from our kids for 23 minutes! His continued denial and refusal to admit to anything other than the bare minimum, his attitude like I’m somehow being controlling or infringing on his rights by asking for information…that’s almost more hurtful than him cheating on me.
My husband is 43 and I'm 31. We've been married for 7 years and have a 5 year old and a 9 month old.
My husband left our children alone and he refuses to admit to it or tell me where he was. I'm furious, enraged, and my husband keeps telling me I'm making a big deal about nothing.
This just happened this weekend. I am on the board of directors for a local non-profit organization. I had to attend an event for that organization this past Saturday, and I was gone for most of the day. My husband was supposed to be home with our kids. I texted him a few times and he responded. When I called around mid-day he didn't respond, but that's not very unusual.
Shortly after that, I got a call from my mom. She said my son had just called her and when she asked him what he and his sister we doing, he said they were both watching TV. When she asked where their dad was, he said his dad wasn't there. My mom asked him several other questions and from my son's responses she believed he was telling the truth and that my husband wasn't there and that there was no adult there at all. She said he didn't seem scared to be alone or worried about where his dad was at. He just called her to chat. He has a tablet designed for children, with pre-programmed contacts that he can call. It's only a few people - just family members.
I left the event immediately and began texting and calling my husband repeatedly. He didn't respond to my first several attempts. It took him about 10 minutes (I was half way home at that point) to respond. I was so confused, so worried, really mad, and I asked him where he was. He said he was at home. I told him our son had just told his grandmother than he was home alone with his baby sister watching TV about 15 minutes ago. My husband denied it and I told him I was too upset to talk and drive.
When I got home, I checked on the kids right away and they were both fine. I asked my husband again - where was he? He said he was home the entire time, he doesn't know what our son was talking about but he must have just been confused since he had gone to the basement to do some laundry. I ran down to the basement - it was the same load of laundry I'd thrown in the dryer the night before! He didn't do any laundry when I was gone!
I asked my husband why my son would be confused about whether his dad was home or not. Where in our home would he have gone and for how long for our son to think his dad wasn't home? That doesn't make sense with a 5 year old and a 9 month old. You wouldn't leave them unattended that long. Why was he nowhere to be found when my mom asked my son to go check certain areas of the house?
I begged my husband to just admit it, to stop treating me like an idiot and to stop accusing our son of lying. Just tell me the truth, because being lied to right to my face is so incredibly maddening. He insists he was home, but he can't come up with any believable story of where he was at or what he was doing during that time. The way he answers me when I ask him about this and demand truthful answers is so dismissive. When I tell him "You left our children alone!" He quickly says "No, I didn't, so anyway..." He says I'm overreacting and letting our son's imagination drive me crazy.
I am convinced he was gone. We don't have a ring camera, but at least one of our neighbors does. I'm so upset about this that I'm tempted to ask our neighbor for the ring footage!
I had to go out to my car and scream and cry because I got so upset. Of course, I didn't want my kids to see my reaction. I can't put into words how upset I am about the fact that I know he must have really left them alone but have no proof and am being treated like I'm just a paranoid nutcase of a mother/woman by him!
UPDATE: Last weekend my husband left our 5 year old and 9 month old home alone while I was gone and then refused to admit it or provide a plausible explanation.
Since then, we had many arguments about it. I've been living in a constant state of anger and frustration. I didn’t want to fight about it anymore, but I couldn't help it and I kept bringing it up again and again. I couldn't "lay low" and pretend to get over it while I waited for him to do it again and catch him in whatever was going on. I also knew that demanding he tell me the truth wasn’t going to get me anywhere. Since he’d been refusing to talk and deflecting for days. All it was doing was making me enraged and feel like I was about to have a brain aneurysm.
I told him to hand me his phone so I could check his location at the time. He refused. He said he wouldn’t do it and that it was a violation of his privacy, he “won’t be treated that way” and refuses to give into my delusions. You think I enjoy being in a situation where I have to beg my husband to show me his phone so I can see where he was at? I hate it. I don’t want to live that way. I told him it’s simple - if he was really at home the entire time, just prove it. Why wouldn’t he want to clear this whole thing up?
I got so mad that he wouldn’t turn over his phone that I told him I was going to the neighbor’s to get their doorbell footage. At first he was like “fine, go do it.” He didn’t think I actually would. He knows I don’t like to air drama to others so he probably figured I’d just swallow all of this.
Luckily, I was totally being driven by anger at this point, so nothing was going to stop me from going to the neighbor’s. When I actually started to go out the door he tried to stop me and followed me out the door. I felt pure anger rushing through my veins, nothing else. The neighbor, who I’ve probably said less than 10 words to in the entire time we’ve lived here, told me he’d send me the footage. I went home, told my husband that the neighbor didn’t have the footage from that day anymore, and told him I just needed to go to the store and cool off. So I put the kids in the car and went and parked somewhere while I waited for the neighbor to send me the footage. I have the neighbor’s number now too, and he told me if I need any more footage he will be happy to give it to me.
The video shows a blue car that I don’t recognize show up and park in our driveway. A blonde woman gets out of the car and goes towards my house. She walks on the outside of our garage toward the gate leading to our backyard. The gate is too far back and out of the way to be seen on the doorbell footage. She and her car was there for 23 minutes. Imagine that - the car leaves right around the time that my husband called me to say he was home and had been home the entire time, as I was rushing home in a panic and calling him on repeat.
One of 2 possibilities as to where they went. She either came in through the side door of the house, which does provide direct access to the basement. Or, and what I think is more likely, is that they were in the back most area of our yard, which is a gated pool area. Immediately behind our house is a grass lawn, then you step down a few steps and we have a patio, and then there is a fully gated area where the pool is. It’s not like you think of when you picture a gated pool. It’s a full, 6ft wood fence all the way around, plus even taller landscaping for added privacy. You can’t see into the area at all unless you’re inside. I think it’s more likely that they were back there because my son said his dad’s keys were gone and we keep that gate locked with a key.
The pool is closed for winter, but there is 1 small building back there (sort of like a shed we converted into a changing area) and there is a covered patio with furniture. I’m convinced that’s where they were. So technically he was “home,” but in an area totally removed from the house and where he couldn’t see or hear the kids if something happened.
I asked him how he could explain this. What were they doing? (I obviously don’t need him to tell me what they were doing, but for some reason I still had hope that he’d finally be honest.) He wasn’t contrite. He showed no remorse. He was just like “Yeah, she was here, but I obviously never left!”
Who is she? How long has this been going on? And if he’s going to be such a disgusting, despicable excuse of a man then why couldn’t he at least have found any other time and any other lie or excuse other than when he was home alone with our kids? I told him I know this has happened before and I demanded to know how many times he’s done this when he’s been home alone with the kids. He swears this is the only time, but he still doesn’t have the balls to confess to what they were doing. I don’t believe him that this was the only time, fyi.
I still have so many questions and I still feel like my heart is beating 200 times a minute. My blood pressure is through the roof. I’ve cried a lot, sobbed, begged for somebody to help me, yelled, screamed, ordered a bunch of books about divorce and custody. And you know what? The next day after our multiple explosive fights, him putting his hands on me, and me seeing the evidence, he acted like everything was totally normal and like none of that stuff ever happened.
I woke up still seething, exhausted, broken, and he’s acting like everything is totally normal. He said he was ordering breakfast to be delivered from our favorite breakfast place. He asked if I wanted to go to the store together later and try this new recipe for chili tonight. What? Why would I want to do any of these things with you now? Absolutely no acknowledgement of anything he’s done or what’s transpired between us in the past few days. He deserved an Oscar for how well he was able to act like none of that happened, completely comfortable and non-phased.
I know that it’s a waste of my energy, but I just desperately want him to admit the full truth of what he did that day and any other day with this woman. I want to hear it from him. It won’t change whatever he’s done, but he could at least have the respect and decency to be honest now that he’s been caught. That’s a ridiculous thought though, right? How foolish of me to expect this man to show decency and honesty now? If he was a decent and honest man than he wouldn’t have had a strange woman over to our house and been out of sight from our kids for 23 minutes! His continued denial and refusal to admit to anything other than the bare minimum, his attitude like I’m somehow being controlling or infringing on his rights by asking for information…that’s almost more hurtful than him cheating on me.
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13points
#7 Woman Faces Dilemma After Her Plan To Have A Childfree Life Is Shattered By Husband’s Lie
Childfree and pregnant after husband lied about vasectomy
I’m 36 years old., almost 37. My husband is 38. We’ve been married for 10 years. We have no kids. We are child free by choice. I found out I was pregnant 1 weeks before Christmas.
We have not always been 100% child free. I think when we first got together we figured we would have kids “one day.” That day never came. We never got to the point of feeling ready and/or wanting to intentionally plan to have a baby. We could never pull the trigger on it.
A part of me wants kids but when I think of the reality of what that means, I can’t rationalize doing it. It’s a huge responsibility to bring a human into the world. You really have to dedicate your life to this new person. And even then, sometimes things still go wrong. I have many reasons for deciding that having children wasn’t a good idea - all of the things that could go wrong, how difficult it is, the huge responsibility of it all, and some moral reasons like just not feeling right about bringing more humans into the world.
I always sort of had in my head that I’d have to decide by the time I was 35. At one point it felt like 35 was so far away, but then it came and we had to be honest with ourselves. If after 10 years of marriage we still felt that conflicted about it and if we weren’t totally enthusiastic about the idea then we should probably not have kids. It’d be a huge change for us and we were used to the way things were.
My husband had a vasectomy a year ago. It was a relief to finally have made a decision and have a permanent solution. Yes, vasectomies can be reversed but that wasn’t an option we were even considering.
He had the vasectomy. He didn’t lie about that part. He was supposed to go back to check that the vasectomy was successful. He lied about that part. He never went back to get it checked. He thought that was unnecessary and the chances of it not being successful were slim - going to the doctor for one quick appointment was a waste of time for him. He told me he went though and that everything was good. So, there wasn't any kind of birth control involved since then.
Before Christmas I started to feel nauseous and lightheaded at times. I thought I was either stressed out holiday stuff (I tend to stress myself out and overdue it at the holidays) or that I was catching one of the bugs going around - a co-worker and her family had been down with a stomach bug for several days so I thought I was coming down with that maybe.
Eventually I realized that I had missed my period for 2 months. I don’t track my period these days at all. I’d been really busy at work and time since September has just zoomed by. As soon as I realized I had missed my period for 2 months I ran to the store and bought a few pregnancy tests. When I took the first one, it came back positive within seconds - there was no waiting around for the results. I took all of the tests I bought and they were all positive. I haven’t been to the doctor yet. I can’t get in until a little later this months. By my calculations, I’m 11 weeks pregnant!
My emotions are over the place. I felt so much relief finally making the decision that we weren’t going to have kids. Now, I feel so conflicted. I also feel terrified. One of the reasons I decided against kids was because I have a ton of health anxiety, and I was very afraid of pregnancy and childbirth because of all the things that can go wrong. So, I’ve been struggling with terrible anxiety over my health since finding out.
To add another layer, there’s the whole lying thing. I have this new moral dilemma about whether or not I want to have a child with somebody who would lie to be about having his vasectomy checked. Do I want that person as my child’s father. I know that might sound extreme and maybe it is. He thinks I’m overreacting. Yes, I know there is a margin of error for every vasectomy, even those that are verified to have been successful, but I don’t think that’s justifies what he did.
I feel like my whole life has been turned upside down and he really doesn’t seem to be nearly as thrown for a loop as I am. I guess I might be upset about that. I feel like my world is being rocked right now and he’s just like “it won’t be so bad, maybe this is meant to be.”
He also says that whatever I want to do, he’ll support me and he really doesn’t care either way. That’s infuriating to me. He sees it as him respecting that it’s my body, my choice. Yet when I tell you I want to hear you’re real opinion since having a child will affect your life forever too, I genuinely want to hear your real opinion - I feel it’s unfair to tell me it’s up to me and you really don’t care either way. Of course, the pregnancy hormones probably aren’t helping me at all.
I’m 36 years old., almost 37. My husband is 38. We’ve been married for 10 years. We have no kids. We are child free by choice. I found out I was pregnant 1 weeks before Christmas.
We have not always been 100% child free. I think when we first got together we figured we would have kids “one day.” That day never came. We never got to the point of feeling ready and/or wanting to intentionally plan to have a baby. We could never pull the trigger on it.
A part of me wants kids but when I think of the reality of what that means, I can’t rationalize doing it. It’s a huge responsibility to bring a human into the world. You really have to dedicate your life to this new person. And even then, sometimes things still go wrong. I have many reasons for deciding that having children wasn’t a good idea - all of the things that could go wrong, how difficult it is, the huge responsibility of it all, and some moral reasons like just not feeling right about bringing more humans into the world.
I always sort of had in my head that I’d have to decide by the time I was 35. At one point it felt like 35 was so far away, but then it came and we had to be honest with ourselves. If after 10 years of marriage we still felt that conflicted about it and if we weren’t totally enthusiastic about the idea then we should probably not have kids. It’d be a huge change for us and we were used to the way things were.
My husband had a vasectomy a year ago. It was a relief to finally have made a decision and have a permanent solution. Yes, vasectomies can be reversed but that wasn’t an option we were even considering.
He had the vasectomy. He didn’t lie about that part. He was supposed to go back to check that the vasectomy was successful. He lied about that part. He never went back to get it checked. He thought that was unnecessary and the chances of it not being successful were slim - going to the doctor for one quick appointment was a waste of time for him. He told me he went though and that everything was good. So, there wasn't any kind of birth control involved since then.
Before Christmas I started to feel nauseous and lightheaded at times. I thought I was either stressed out holiday stuff (I tend to stress myself out and overdue it at the holidays) or that I was catching one of the bugs going around - a co-worker and her family had been down with a stomach bug for several days so I thought I was coming down with that maybe.
Eventually I realized that I had missed my period for 2 months. I don’t track my period these days at all. I’d been really busy at work and time since September has just zoomed by. As soon as I realized I had missed my period for 2 months I ran to the store and bought a few pregnancy tests. When I took the first one, it came back positive within seconds - there was no waiting around for the results. I took all of the tests I bought and they were all positive. I haven’t been to the doctor yet. I can’t get in until a little later this months. By my calculations, I’m 11 weeks pregnant!
My emotions are over the place. I felt so much relief finally making the decision that we weren’t going to have kids. Now, I feel so conflicted. I also feel terrified. One of the reasons I decided against kids was because I have a ton of health anxiety, and I was very afraid of pregnancy and childbirth because of all the things that can go wrong. So, I’ve been struggling with terrible anxiety over my health since finding out.
To add another layer, there’s the whole lying thing. I have this new moral dilemma about whether or not I want to have a child with somebody who would lie to be about having his vasectomy checked. Do I want that person as my child’s father. I know that might sound extreme and maybe it is. He thinks I’m overreacting. Yes, I know there is a margin of error for every vasectomy, even those that are verified to have been successful, but I don’t think that’s justifies what he did.
I feel like my whole life has been turned upside down and he really doesn’t seem to be nearly as thrown for a loop as I am. I guess I might be upset about that. I feel like my world is being rocked right now and he’s just like “it won’t be so bad, maybe this is meant to be.”
He also says that whatever I want to do, he’ll support me and he really doesn’t care either way. That’s infuriating to me. He sees it as him respecting that it’s my body, my choice. Yet when I tell you I want to hear you’re real opinion since having a child will affect your life forever too, I genuinely want to hear your real opinion - I feel it’s unfair to tell me it’s up to me and you really don’t care either way. Of course, the pregnancy hormones probably aren’t helping me at all.
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10points
#8 Heartbroken Wife Shares How Husband Ended Marriage Over His ‘Once In A Lifetime’ Chance
My husband just left me because he's been hit on by a woman for the first time in his life
God, I am so angry at ... I don't know. Everything! right now. And this feels so messed up I don't even want to talk to my bff about this right now, it hurts too much atm :(
My husband just told me he is leaving me and I can't believe the reason.
I need to give some background: I am 34F and my husband is 38M. We've been married for almost 2 years, have dated 2 years before that, so overall a bit more than 4 years.
He's always been very insecure about himself, even though he has a great personality (or so I thought), is generous, caring, can express his emotions and all this stuff. When I got to know him better, I couldn't believe he wasn't taken. In fact, he had only been in two relationships in his life (both 5+ years long, though). He told me that's because he's shy and ugly and women don't really want anything from him, like, ever, especially not good-looking ones. I am fairly conventionally attractive and he has kept telling me for the past years how lucky he feels to finally have found his dream woman and then her being as attractive as me.
I was wary at the beginning, though, so I let him court me quite a bit before going out with him for the first time etc. I really was fearing for some dark secret of his that I just hadn't uncovered yet, plus I don't want to look easy. But turns out no, he's a really sweet guy, and just very shy. I also don't think he's ugly. He's not in any way super-handsome or so, and frankly, originally I thought he was not my type, but his charm melted all of that away quickly. Once we starting thoroughly dating, things went fast, because it all was so wonderful!
Well, apparently a while ago he was on his own in the outside area of a restaurant having lunch when this woman went by, and apparently struck up a conversation with him. (He's shown me a picture of her since I asked him, and she is drop-dead gorgeous. Maybe I am exaggerating because I am so mad, but she definitely looks better than me, I have to admit :( )
He didn't tell me much about what they talked, just that she was very friendly, and they exchanged numbers, and started texting more and more often. He says she at some point openly started pursuing him even though she knew he was married, saying she just really fell for him and can't let this opportunity pass.
He said that he was hesitant once he realized that she was hitting on him, and he was also excited because this literally has never happened in his life. In the past, he repeatedly said that women, at least attractive ones like me, have it easy, because we can lean back and let the guys approach us, whereas for him it was always hard work to even get a single date. I always replied that it's not really like that and that being attractive has its own problems, but he then always reminded me of the fact that he had to work really hard to get me to date him, too.
He swears he has only met her one more time (for lunch) after the first encounter, and that he thinks it is not yet an affair. However, he thinks he wants to go forward with her, because, as he put it: "This is the first woman who is genuinely interested in me, I didn't have to text her for three months to get a date or anything. I can't let this pass." (Or something along those lines. My memory is a bit hazy.) The three months refers to the time it took him to get a date with me, btw.
And that is why he says he is breaking up with me. He says it's the right thing to do, because he wants to continue contact with her, but also feels doing that would be emotional cheating and he doesn't want to cheat on my, so he ends it before actually starting something with her.
I feel devastated. I know there's nothing I can do. I want to be mad at him, but I am also mad at myself. I really liked him when we first met - why did I give him a hard time? If I had said what I wanted back then, if I had pursued him instead of playing hard to get, he probably wouldn't be interested in that woman! But I always felt if a woman does that, she shows she's easy and I didn't just wanna get laid, so I thought I must act that way. And now it is biting me in the butt :(
And I of course am very mad at him, but he didn't even cheat on me. He's behaving exactly the way I always say people should act when they fall in love with someone else! Ugh! I kinda wished he had actually cheated on me with her. That would actually make it easier...
Thanks for letting me rant. I don't need advice, I know I'm done for.
Edit: First, thank you all so much for your comments. This is much appreciated.. And also some of you made me really think. I still feel this was unwarranted, and if he was so unhappy he should have told me... but I guess I wasn't as good of a wife as I thought. I didn't really show him that I love him, and why, and didn't put in much effort, and someone said he was starving for attention and I guess that's my fault in a way. Ugh. Still, I think just dropping me like this isn't right.
I managed to get the courage to talk to my BFF, and we'll meet later so I can tell her everything, and she spontaneously will take me out for a spa weekend. I hope I can get my head clear there. I was so scared, but she was not at all condescending, she's the best. I feel like I couldn't have mustered up the courage for that were it not for all your support, so thank you all so much, even the critical ones!
God, I am so angry at ... I don't know. Everything! right now. And this feels so messed up I don't even want to talk to my bff about this right now, it hurts too much atm :(
My husband just told me he is leaving me and I can't believe the reason.
I need to give some background: I am 34F and my husband is 38M. We've been married for almost 2 years, have dated 2 years before that, so overall a bit more than 4 years.
He's always been very insecure about himself, even though he has a great personality (or so I thought), is generous, caring, can express his emotions and all this stuff. When I got to know him better, I couldn't believe he wasn't taken. In fact, he had only been in two relationships in his life (both 5+ years long, though). He told me that's because he's shy and ugly and women don't really want anything from him, like, ever, especially not good-looking ones. I am fairly conventionally attractive and he has kept telling me for the past years how lucky he feels to finally have found his dream woman and then her being as attractive as me.
I was wary at the beginning, though, so I let him court me quite a bit before going out with him for the first time etc. I really was fearing for some dark secret of his that I just hadn't uncovered yet, plus I don't want to look easy. But turns out no, he's a really sweet guy, and just very shy. I also don't think he's ugly. He's not in any way super-handsome or so, and frankly, originally I thought he was not my type, but his charm melted all of that away quickly. Once we starting thoroughly dating, things went fast, because it all was so wonderful!
Well, apparently a while ago he was on his own in the outside area of a restaurant having lunch when this woman went by, and apparently struck up a conversation with him. (He's shown me a picture of her since I asked him, and she is drop-dead gorgeous. Maybe I am exaggerating because I am so mad, but she definitely looks better than me, I have to admit :( )
He didn't tell me much about what they talked, just that she was very friendly, and they exchanged numbers, and started texting more and more often. He says she at some point openly started pursuing him even though she knew he was married, saying she just really fell for him and can't let this opportunity pass.
He said that he was hesitant once he realized that she was hitting on him, and he was also excited because this literally has never happened in his life. In the past, he repeatedly said that women, at least attractive ones like me, have it easy, because we can lean back and let the guys approach us, whereas for him it was always hard work to even get a single date. I always replied that it's not really like that and that being attractive has its own problems, but he then always reminded me of the fact that he had to work really hard to get me to date him, too.
He swears he has only met her one more time (for lunch) after the first encounter, and that he thinks it is not yet an affair. However, he thinks he wants to go forward with her, because, as he put it: "This is the first woman who is genuinely interested in me, I didn't have to text her for three months to get a date or anything. I can't let this pass." (Or something along those lines. My memory is a bit hazy.) The three months refers to the time it took him to get a date with me, btw.
And that is why he says he is breaking up with me. He says it's the right thing to do, because he wants to continue contact with her, but also feels doing that would be emotional cheating and he doesn't want to cheat on my, so he ends it before actually starting something with her.
I feel devastated. I know there's nothing I can do. I want to be mad at him, but I am also mad at myself. I really liked him when we first met - why did I give him a hard time? If I had said what I wanted back then, if I had pursued him instead of playing hard to get, he probably wouldn't be interested in that woman! But I always felt if a woman does that, she shows she's easy and I didn't just wanna get laid, so I thought I must act that way. And now it is biting me in the butt :(
And I of course am very mad at him, but he didn't even cheat on me. He's behaving exactly the way I always say people should act when they fall in love with someone else! Ugh! I kinda wished he had actually cheated on me with her. That would actually make it easier...
Thanks for letting me rant. I don't need advice, I know I'm done for.
Edit: First, thank you all so much for your comments. This is much appreciated.. And also some of you made me really think. I still feel this was unwarranted, and if he was so unhappy he should have told me... but I guess I wasn't as good of a wife as I thought. I didn't really show him that I love him, and why, and didn't put in much effort, and someone said he was starving for attention and I guess that's my fault in a way. Ugh. Still, I think just dropping me like this isn't right.
I managed to get the courage to talk to my BFF, and we'll meet later so I can tell her everything, and she spontaneously will take me out for a spa weekend. I hope I can get my head clear there. I was so scared, but she was not at all condescending, she's the best. I feel like I couldn't have mustered up the courage for that were it not for all your support, so thank you all so much, even the critical ones!
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7points
#9 Woman Wonders Why Her Home Is Turning Green, Finds Out It’s Because Husband Is Cheating
Everything in my house is turning green
At first it was just my cat, and then it became my bedsheets, my feet (which then stained my shoes and socks), my couch, my phone charger, and now my wall. idk what it is. i have no idea where to post this but im wondering if anyone knows how to get rid of it or what it is?? at first i thought mold but now im thinking maybe my laundry detergent pods which are green. but i did a test wash and dry and it didn’t stain my clothes until i wore them for a few hours around the house before it turned green.
UPDATE: i had my water and AC checked and both were fine. the technician said my water hardness was a bit hard but he didn’t think that would affect the green stains i’ve been seeing. i also got rid of the red bed sheets i had in the pic and put back on my boring corporate beige ones the day i posted the original post. then i waited. it’s funny because i was trying to determine if the green stains were going away based on if my cat was turning green. any time i saw she was becoming greener, i determined that whatever i changed wasn’t the cause.
well, i got my water softened and with my new bedsheets, my cat was still turning green but a lot slower, so maybe it was just from the residual green that was now stained on my couch and velvet bed frame. then we had another person inspect for mold which was also a negative. some other commenters had mentioned they had bought the same bedsheets on amazon and had a similar problem so i think it is that.
on another note, someone also commented asking if my husband was cheating on me with someone who wears old navy jeans. i won’t lie, when that comment came up, i nervously laughed. i quickly checked our joint bank account for any old navy purchases. while there weren’t any, i couldn’t shake this strange feelings. although the commenter did not know me or my husband, coincidentally, i’ve already had suspicions on a possible affair from the multiple last minute overtime shifts and just overall changes in behavior. also, my husband has cheated before so i’ve always been a bit anxious..
so when i saw the comment joking abt if my husbands affair partner wears old navy jeans, i spiraled. and then i admit i did the bad thing and looked thru my husbands phone and there it was. some spicy instagram DMs from a woman who wears jeans (cannot confirm if they’re old navy). so anyway i’ve spent the last week at my parents with my cat.
tdlr - i can’t confirm that the cause of the staining was because of the bedsheets although my cat did turn green much more slowly when i changed them out + other people complained of the same staining issue that purchased the same sheets as me. found out my husband was cheating on me with a woman in jeans.
At first it was just my cat, and then it became my bedsheets, my feet (which then stained my shoes and socks), my couch, my phone charger, and now my wall. idk what it is. i have no idea where to post this but im wondering if anyone knows how to get rid of it or what it is?? at first i thought mold but now im thinking maybe my laundry detergent pods which are green. but i did a test wash and dry and it didn’t stain my clothes until i wore them for a few hours around the house before it turned green.
UPDATE: i had my water and AC checked and both were fine. the technician said my water hardness was a bit hard but he didn’t think that would affect the green stains i’ve been seeing. i also got rid of the red bed sheets i had in the pic and put back on my boring corporate beige ones the day i posted the original post. then i waited. it’s funny because i was trying to determine if the green stains were going away based on if my cat was turning green. any time i saw she was becoming greener, i determined that whatever i changed wasn’t the cause.
well, i got my water softened and with my new bedsheets, my cat was still turning green but a lot slower, so maybe it was just from the residual green that was now stained on my couch and velvet bed frame. then we had another person inspect for mold which was also a negative. some other commenters had mentioned they had bought the same bedsheets on amazon and had a similar problem so i think it is that.
on another note, someone also commented asking if my husband was cheating on me with someone who wears old navy jeans. i won’t lie, when that comment came up, i nervously laughed. i quickly checked our joint bank account for any old navy purchases. while there weren’t any, i couldn’t shake this strange feelings. although the commenter did not know me or my husband, coincidentally, i’ve already had suspicions on a possible affair from the multiple last minute overtime shifts and just overall changes in behavior. also, my husband has cheated before so i’ve always been a bit anxious..
so when i saw the comment joking abt if my husbands affair partner wears old navy jeans, i spiraled. and then i admit i did the bad thing and looked thru my husbands phone and there it was. some spicy instagram DMs from a woman who wears jeans (cannot confirm if they’re old navy). so anyway i’ve spent the last week at my parents with my cat.
tdlr - i can’t confirm that the cause of the staining was because of the bedsheets although my cat did turn green much more slowly when i changed them out + other people complained of the same staining issue that purchased the same sheets as me. found out my husband was cheating on me with a woman in jeans.
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5points
#10 Woman Walks Out Of Home After “Professional Victim” Husband Brings Her To Her Knees
Neurodivergent husband has brought me to my knees, am I unreasonable to leave him ?
I'm sorry but this will be a long rant. But I have really lost my way and would appreciate everyone's thoughts.
My husband and I are in our late 50s and have been married for 25 years and have 5 kids who are late teens/20s.
The marriage has always had something "not quite right", something missing which I couldn't explain. DH didn't have many girlfriends I thought he was just shy. Once married I always felt he was avoidant, pulling away, preoccupied, unavailable, never initiated intimacy. If I ever tried to raise it, even gently, he was irritable and defensive, saying my "constant criticism and oversensitivity" was the problem and then he'd try to run away or hang up the phone or get busy or fall asleep or get one of the kids to interrupt us to shut me down. He is also very interested in facts not feelings and tends to disconnect from conversations once he's satisfied himself of the facts.
Eventually I dragged DH to therapy wondering if he was a covert narcissist but this year he's been diagnosed with High Functioning Autism Level 1 (Aspergers) which explains everything. I feel I'm in a nightmare as our story started out as a fairytale with our beautiful kids but now I'm accepting nothing will change with DH.
We both had good careers but I stayed at home to raise the kids. He worked hard to provide for us all but had a long commute. We moved out to the coast and bought a rambling old house with land, did it up and we have a small holding with animals. DH seemed to avoid intimacy but I didn't question it as he was tired and working so hard and so was I.
He never took me out in the evening or hired a babysitter or took me away for a few nights. We only ever went away with the kids but I was so in the tunnel of parenthood and we didn't have much money to spare so I didn't really stop to question it.
Gradually the kids grew up and then DH stopped work and I thought we would spend more time together but I gradually realized he wasn't interested. Once he stopped work and was around 24/7 and the kids were grown up, it dawned on me that he was just making excuses to avoid time with me and avoid intimacy.
We did years of marriage therapy but he could neither express his feelings at all (alexithymia) or understand mine. He just cannot hear me - all he can hear is that he's being criticized and then he becomes a professional victim. I have given him a million chances to sort himself out, so many times we have fought and he always comes back, says sorry but nothing changes. Our therapist said he wouldn't change and to leave him as he wasn't able or interested in meeting my needs.
Some of the worst family fights have been when I have been angry with DH and then he goes to the kids and portrays himself as a victim and me as the perpetrator. Then the kids (who are angry he's so weak) stand up for him. So I'm then fighting my own kids and he sits there with his head in his hands not speaking while it all kicks off between me and the kids.
So there have been times when the kids have seen me as the aggressive bad cop whilst he is good cop being their friend as he does everything for them, drives them around, gives them money and never sets rules or boundaries. Mum "wears the trousers" and keeps it all fair and accountable. Although the kids hate on me for being bad cop I notice when life gets tricky they all come running to me for guidance because I'm actually the only real parent.
Every time the whole family gets together which is now only about twice a year I work hard to cook food and make it nice but either my husband or one of the ND kids has a meltdown or shutdown which ruins the occasion and the family doesn't speak for months, I am beginning to dread get togethers.
Now his daily routine is to get up feeling anxious and then just drift around for the rest of the day, no plan, no goals, achieving not much, never gets together with friends, sometimes hangs with his family (many of them have the same issues as him) low functioning, wears same clothes for days. If I ask him to do something he'll do it eventually but then says I'm bossy and that he feels "controlled" and then makes sure the kids know it.
Some of our kids have various neurodiverse traits/issues and DH and I clashed seriously about how to raise them because as a ND himself his first instinct was to deny their problems and help them to mask whereas I as an NT wanted to get them diagnosed and get them help. DH also insisted that we don't mention anyone's diagnosis in the family (shame) so when several of the kids have huge meltdowns we are not allowed to address it with the other kids and I can see that they feel guilty and responsible when it's not their fault.
Things have come to a head in the last few months. DH was being assessed for suspected cancer. He wasn't able to process many feelings about that beyond being sure he didn't want the kids to know. I did all the worrying and supporting whilst he looked blank and numb all through Christmas. Finally this week he got the "all clear", he did express some relief but I was hugely emotional after the hospital.
The same night one of our kids rang up and shouted at me because she'd given a message to DH for me to do something but he hadn't passed it on to me so I hadn't done what she needed me to do. I was still emotional from the hospital so after she'd put the phone down I was angry with DH that he hadn't passed on the message. He denied this so we started to argue.
DH then portrayed himself a a victim in front of one of our sons who got aggressive with me and goaded and shoved me (he's 6 ft) and started being verbally aggressive and telling me I was crazy (he didn't know about the hospital or cancer scare at all so didn't know why I was so emotional). I said to DH "tell him to stop" but DH said "why should he stop screaming you when you scream at me ?" (professional victim).
In that moment after 25 years something snapped in me. I did something I've never done before. I calmly put together a small bag of clothes and walked out. I drove off and checked into a local B&B where I am sitting now with no idea about my next move.
DH has brought me to my knees. It's not what he does, it's what he DOESN'T do, he's just absent from our marriage. He doesn't want me to leave but he doesn't want to have a relationship with me either. He just wants a housekeeper/secretary/organizer/mother not a wife. I want to leave him but then I break up the family, we lose our lovely home and I get blamed for that by him and the kids, I lose my smallholding and animals and will have to give up my dream part time job that I have taken up in the last few years too, so essentially I lose my entire life as it is currently.
I rang DH from the B&B to discuss the issues. He said "all you do is criticize me, I'm a victim" and hung up. He didn't want to discuss the issues because he can't summarize or express his feelings. He says he can't change and I am persecuting him to do things he can't do. He then said by the way if I was moving out then he'd sell our home and small holding because he wasn't interested in it anyway he only bought it for me (first I heard about that, he was the one that insisted we buy it when I wanted to stay in the city !). I went back briefly to our home to collect clothes etc and he was just lying flat on the sofa staring into space, washing left in the machine overnight, last night's dinner still on the table untouched, curtains not drawn, animals not fed, plants not watered, post not opened etc.
AIBU to leave and break up the family and sell our family home and smallholding and rehome the animals ? Or am I overreacting and should I accept he can't change, stop asking him to and just suck it up for the sake of the family ?
DH is not a bad person, we have a lot in common with our joint kids, life and animals. He worked hard to support us all, he's never been unfaithful or hit us. I am also nearly 60 and have let myself go with all the stress. Dating now fills me with horror, what are my chances anyway and my friends are having horror stories on Bumble....
I would also have to go back to full time work at 60 to support myself and the children would be hostile to a new partner as they feel responsible for their victim dad. But he is not my husband or lover and he's more friends with the kids than a father to them. He is a professional victim and he has no capacity for a marriage or partnership with me. I would be happy to live alone but I keep having the sad thought that I don't want to get to the end of my life without having experienced a true and loving partnership.
If I could find a way to stay with DH I would but I have tried to compromise a million times. I don't want to have an affair either but it seems that if I stay I would have to completely deny my own needs for love, support, intimacy, boundaries, joint parenting, joy etc and life is too short for that. Advice please.
I'm sorry but this will be a long rant. But I have really lost my way and would appreciate everyone's thoughts.
My husband and I are in our late 50s and have been married for 25 years and have 5 kids who are late teens/20s.
The marriage has always had something "not quite right", something missing which I couldn't explain. DH didn't have many girlfriends I thought he was just shy. Once married I always felt he was avoidant, pulling away, preoccupied, unavailable, never initiated intimacy. If I ever tried to raise it, even gently, he was irritable and defensive, saying my "constant criticism and oversensitivity" was the problem and then he'd try to run away or hang up the phone or get busy or fall asleep or get one of the kids to interrupt us to shut me down. He is also very interested in facts not feelings and tends to disconnect from conversations once he's satisfied himself of the facts.
Eventually I dragged DH to therapy wondering if he was a covert narcissist but this year he's been diagnosed with High Functioning Autism Level 1 (Aspergers) which explains everything. I feel I'm in a nightmare as our story started out as a fairytale with our beautiful kids but now I'm accepting nothing will change with DH.
We both had good careers but I stayed at home to raise the kids. He worked hard to provide for us all but had a long commute. We moved out to the coast and bought a rambling old house with land, did it up and we have a small holding with animals. DH seemed to avoid intimacy but I didn't question it as he was tired and working so hard and so was I.
He never took me out in the evening or hired a babysitter or took me away for a few nights. We only ever went away with the kids but I was so in the tunnel of parenthood and we didn't have much money to spare so I didn't really stop to question it.
Gradually the kids grew up and then DH stopped work and I thought we would spend more time together but I gradually realized he wasn't interested. Once he stopped work and was around 24/7 and the kids were grown up, it dawned on me that he was just making excuses to avoid time with me and avoid intimacy.
We did years of marriage therapy but he could neither express his feelings at all (alexithymia) or understand mine. He just cannot hear me - all he can hear is that he's being criticized and then he becomes a professional victim. I have given him a million chances to sort himself out, so many times we have fought and he always comes back, says sorry but nothing changes. Our therapist said he wouldn't change and to leave him as he wasn't able or interested in meeting my needs.
Some of the worst family fights have been when I have been angry with DH and then he goes to the kids and portrays himself as a victim and me as the perpetrator. Then the kids (who are angry he's so weak) stand up for him. So I'm then fighting my own kids and he sits there with his head in his hands not speaking while it all kicks off between me and the kids.
So there have been times when the kids have seen me as the aggressive bad cop whilst he is good cop being their friend as he does everything for them, drives them around, gives them money and never sets rules or boundaries. Mum "wears the trousers" and keeps it all fair and accountable. Although the kids hate on me for being bad cop I notice when life gets tricky they all come running to me for guidance because I'm actually the only real parent.
Every time the whole family gets together which is now only about twice a year I work hard to cook food and make it nice but either my husband or one of the ND kids has a meltdown or shutdown which ruins the occasion and the family doesn't speak for months, I am beginning to dread get togethers.
Now his daily routine is to get up feeling anxious and then just drift around for the rest of the day, no plan, no goals, achieving not much, never gets together with friends, sometimes hangs with his family (many of them have the same issues as him) low functioning, wears same clothes for days. If I ask him to do something he'll do it eventually but then says I'm bossy and that he feels "controlled" and then makes sure the kids know it.
Some of our kids have various neurodiverse traits/issues and DH and I clashed seriously about how to raise them because as a ND himself his first instinct was to deny their problems and help them to mask whereas I as an NT wanted to get them diagnosed and get them help. DH also insisted that we don't mention anyone's diagnosis in the family (shame) so when several of the kids have huge meltdowns we are not allowed to address it with the other kids and I can see that they feel guilty and responsible when it's not their fault.
Things have come to a head in the last few months. DH was being assessed for suspected cancer. He wasn't able to process many feelings about that beyond being sure he didn't want the kids to know. I did all the worrying and supporting whilst he looked blank and numb all through Christmas. Finally this week he got the "all clear", he did express some relief but I was hugely emotional after the hospital.
The same night one of our kids rang up and shouted at me because she'd given a message to DH for me to do something but he hadn't passed it on to me so I hadn't done what she needed me to do. I was still emotional from the hospital so after she'd put the phone down I was angry with DH that he hadn't passed on the message. He denied this so we started to argue.
DH then portrayed himself a a victim in front of one of our sons who got aggressive with me and goaded and shoved me (he's 6 ft) and started being verbally aggressive and telling me I was crazy (he didn't know about the hospital or cancer scare at all so didn't know why I was so emotional). I said to DH "tell him to stop" but DH said "why should he stop screaming you when you scream at me ?" (professional victim).
In that moment after 25 years something snapped in me. I did something I've never done before. I calmly put together a small bag of clothes and walked out. I drove off and checked into a local B&B where I am sitting now with no idea about my next move.
DH has brought me to my knees. It's not what he does, it's what he DOESN'T do, he's just absent from our marriage. He doesn't want me to leave but he doesn't want to have a relationship with me either. He just wants a housekeeper/secretary/organizer/mother not a wife. I want to leave him but then I break up the family, we lose our lovely home and I get blamed for that by him and the kids, I lose my smallholding and animals and will have to give up my dream part time job that I have taken up in the last few years too, so essentially I lose my entire life as it is currently.
I rang DH from the B&B to discuss the issues. He said "all you do is criticize me, I'm a victim" and hung up. He didn't want to discuss the issues because he can't summarize or express his feelings. He says he can't change and I am persecuting him to do things he can't do. He then said by the way if I was moving out then he'd sell our home and small holding because he wasn't interested in it anyway he only bought it for me (first I heard about that, he was the one that insisted we buy it when I wanted to stay in the city !). I went back briefly to our home to collect clothes etc and he was just lying flat on the sofa staring into space, washing left in the machine overnight, last night's dinner still on the table untouched, curtains not drawn, animals not fed, plants not watered, post not opened etc.
AIBU to leave and break up the family and sell our family home and smallholding and rehome the animals ? Or am I overreacting and should I accept he can't change, stop asking him to and just suck it up for the sake of the family ?
DH is not a bad person, we have a lot in common with our joint kids, life and animals. He worked hard to support us all, he's never been unfaithful or hit us. I am also nearly 60 and have let myself go with all the stress. Dating now fills me with horror, what are my chances anyway and my friends are having horror stories on Bumble....
I would also have to go back to full time work at 60 to support myself and the children would be hostile to a new partner as they feel responsible for their victim dad. But he is not my husband or lover and he's more friends with the kids than a father to them. He is a professional victim and he has no capacity for a marriage or partnership with me. I would be happy to live alone but I keep having the sad thought that I don't want to get to the end of my life without having experienced a true and loving partnership.
If I could find a way to stay with DH I would but I have tried to compromise a million times. I don't want to have an affair either but it seems that if I stay I would have to completely deny my own needs for love, support, intimacy, boundaries, joint parenting, joy etc and life is too short for that. Advice please.
3points