There’s a special place in h**l reserved for villains disguised as lovely, sweet ladies. And it would seem that particular place is getting fuller by the day. There’ve been a flood of stories recently about mothers-in-law behaving badly.
Many can be found in a naughty corner of the internet aptly called JUST NO MIL. The online community is somewhat of a virtual support group for anyone dealing with nasty, cruel, toxic, entitled or downright monstrous mothers-in-laws/moms. And judging by the fact that there are more than 5,000 posts a week (and over 1.9 million members), many poor souls are stuck in the same crazy circus.
Bored Panda has put together a compilation of some of the most shocking and wild stories about mothers-in-laws going off the rails. They might have you complaining a little less about your own. Or maybe not. Feel free to share your own MIL horror stories in the comments section below, and don't forget to upvote your favorites.
#1
My husband ran into his mother this morning in town (we have little contact with her mainly to keep in touch with his father and brother). For context she’s never respected boundaries, plays the victim, and has narcissistic tendencies but today may have taken the cake. We are also all white living in the south (you’ll see why this matters). It started as a normal conversation of how the baby is, what we’ve been up to, etc. THEN she brought up my how my gay uncle was at christmas, weird but okay? This turned into her blatantly asking my husband if he would rather our TEN month old daughter be a lesbian or date a black guy? My husband said he was too stunned to speak, took a moment, then very calmly said to her “You’ve always been disrespectful but using racism and homophobia to sexualize our infant daughter has crossed a line you may never come back from”, he then threw in for funzies that hopefully she’s with a black lesbian and left the store without buying anything. We will be going no contact as of now but needed to share this because WTF???
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73points
#2
My husband has told his mom multiple times that she cannot be in the delivery room (or even at the hospital) when I am in labor, but she will not stop asking and bringing it up. Her main reasoning is what is annoying me the most - she keeps saying she needs to "be there for her son" while I am in labor. My husband has explained that he will be there for me, the one giving birth/going through a medical event, and he does not need or want someone there for him.
She even once told him "what if you need me there to hold your hand?" Barf. She keeps trying to justify it by mentioning other men in her life, like her brother and other family members, who "needed someone there for them" while their wives were in labor. I am truly perplexed and baffled... I have never in my life heard of a man needing someone there for him while his wife or girlfriend was in labor. Plus, no offense, but if my husband was the type of man who "needed" his mom during my labor, I would NOT be married to him lol.
My husband has dealt with it, we will not be telling her when I am in labor, and will be letting the hospital know not to let her in if she does show up. I just wanted to share because I find this so ridiculous!
She even once told him "what if you need me there to hold your hand?" Barf. She keeps trying to justify it by mentioning other men in her life, like her brother and other family members, who "needed someone there for them" while their wives were in labor. I am truly perplexed and baffled... I have never in my life heard of a man needing someone there for him while his wife or girlfriend was in labor. Plus, no offense, but if my husband was the type of man who "needed" his mom during my labor, I would NOT be married to him lol.
My husband has dealt with it, we will not be telling her when I am in labor, and will be letting the hospital know not to let her in if she does show up. I just wanted to share because I find this so ridiculous!
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67points
#3
This happened a few years back, but I was reminded upon seeing her again over the holidays. Not even my MIL (mine is wonderful!) but my brother’s.
I’m missing my right arm (relevant) which often prompts people to ask if they can help. Sometimes I accept, sometimes decline, it depends on the situation.
My SIL and I had our first babies a couple months apart, so we sometimes got together to bond over the adorable baby cousins. SIL’s mom was at her house during one of my visits to help with SIL’s new baby. I had met her before, but I wouldn’t say we were close. Let’s call it polite ambivalence.
My son starts fussing, so I get set up with a pillow and prepare to nurse him. My brother’s MIL moves to sit next to me, but says nothing. I know this woman loves babies, so while thought it was weird she moved closer I chalked it up to baby love. Nope. She moved to be “helpful.”
Just as my son latched onto my n****e, and with zero discussion or consent, my bro’s MIL grabs my breast, yoinks it out of babe’s mouth and starts MOVING IT AROUND!! Now my son has lost the latch, is trying to chase my n****e around and is getting justifiably upset with the newly elusive food source. I am horrified, dripping milk, and briefly dumbstruck. I look around for help. My brother and husband also look horrified and both sit there mouth agape, also apparently unable to speak. SIL is gazing adoringly at her own baby, blissfully unaware that her mom is molesting me.
Of course, she is doing this from my side with no arm, and my left arm is engaged with holding my baby. I cannot easily just move her hand away. Eventually I came to my senses, turned my back on her and firmly declared “no thank you!” She gets all huffy and declared she “was just trying to help,” and sat looking wounded. I honestly think she expected me to apologize for not letting her help?
My SIL stayed blissfully unaware until her mom left, but was mortified when we told her.
Mildly traumatic, but makes for a good “remember when MIL” story.
I’m missing my right arm (relevant) which often prompts people to ask if they can help. Sometimes I accept, sometimes decline, it depends on the situation.
My SIL and I had our first babies a couple months apart, so we sometimes got together to bond over the adorable baby cousins. SIL’s mom was at her house during one of my visits to help with SIL’s new baby. I had met her before, but I wouldn’t say we were close. Let’s call it polite ambivalence.
My son starts fussing, so I get set up with a pillow and prepare to nurse him. My brother’s MIL moves to sit next to me, but says nothing. I know this woman loves babies, so while thought it was weird she moved closer I chalked it up to baby love. Nope. She moved to be “helpful.”
Just as my son latched onto my n****e, and with zero discussion or consent, my bro’s MIL grabs my breast, yoinks it out of babe’s mouth and starts MOVING IT AROUND!! Now my son has lost the latch, is trying to chase my n****e around and is getting justifiably upset with the newly elusive food source. I am horrified, dripping milk, and briefly dumbstruck. I look around for help. My brother and husband also look horrified and both sit there mouth agape, also apparently unable to speak. SIL is gazing adoringly at her own baby, blissfully unaware that her mom is molesting me.
Of course, she is doing this from my side with no arm, and my left arm is engaged with holding my baby. I cannot easily just move her hand away. Eventually I came to my senses, turned my back on her and firmly declared “no thank you!” She gets all huffy and declared she “was just trying to help,” and sat looking wounded. I honestly think she expected me to apologize for not letting her help?
My SIL stayed blissfully unaware until her mom left, but was mortified when we told her.
Mildly traumatic, but makes for a good “remember when MIL” story.
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59points
#4
For context, about 18 months ago we lost our first pregnancy in a traumatic way and I had to have emergency surgery to have the pregnancy and my fallopian tube removed. My in laws made the ENTIRE situation about themselves. From the moment we told them I might have to have emergency surgery they were "offended" by the way we were handling it. Offended they didn't know we were trying (we weren't trying, we were just having s*x cause we're married and enjoy it). Offended we didn't invite them to the hospital (I was in a large room with 10 other patients waiting to have outpatient surgery, we were only allowed ONE guest in the hospital we didn't have a private room). So when they came over the day after my surgery they weren't supportive at all they were just criticizing us as my hormones were through the roof and I was profusely bleeding and couldn't even use the bathroom without help. I just sat quietly in the moment because I knew it wasn't worth arguing at that time. My husband confronted his mom privately a few days later about how much that hurt to which she deflected and told him she could feel however she wanted.
Today, my MIL asked me why we never talk to her about the pregnancy loss and I tried to deflect again but then I finally got the courage and said, you know what? Your family hasn't created a safe place for me to share. In the most traumatic moment in my life, you made the entire experience about yourselves. Not one time did anyone ask me how I was feeling after I lost my first child. You just complained and critiqued about how we "wronged" you all through the process over details we couldn't control. So, no. We don't feel safe opening up and being vulnerable with you. You took your own feelings and shoved them in my face on the most devastating day of my life instead of truly caring about my well being. She finally heard me and it just felt so nice to be heard for once instead of deflecting and having the blame pushed back on me for things I couldn't control. I just had to share a win! There's still so much to unpack there but at least I spoke my truth.
Today, my MIL asked me why we never talk to her about the pregnancy loss and I tried to deflect again but then I finally got the courage and said, you know what? Your family hasn't created a safe place for me to share. In the most traumatic moment in my life, you made the entire experience about yourselves. Not one time did anyone ask me how I was feeling after I lost my first child. You just complained and critiqued about how we "wronged" you all through the process over details we couldn't control. So, no. We don't feel safe opening up and being vulnerable with you. You took your own feelings and shoved them in my face on the most devastating day of my life instead of truly caring about my well being. She finally heard me and it just felt so nice to be heard for once instead of deflecting and having the blame pushed back on me for things I couldn't control. I just had to share a win! There's still so much to unpack there but at least I spoke my truth.
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58points
#5
Not really even a rant, it just makes me laugh at how annoyed she gets.
We have a baby boy and my wife likes to put his hair in that straight up ponytail hair style. Just like a little tuft of hair sticking straight up. It’s very adorable looking.
My mom gets incensed anytime she sees him in it. “That’s for girls!” “Why are you making him look like a girl!” “This is going to confuse people.” And just eye rolling and huffing and puffing.
First, it’s not even a hairstyle that any adult wears. I don’t see it as a gendered hair style…it’s just a baby hair style. And yeah, you can’t tell the gender of babies his age period just by their faces and clothed bodies. It’s all up to markers which are actually arbitrary. Like “blue dinosaur onesie must mean boy.” when really women wear blue all the time and like dinosaurs. We just don’t care what about making our literal *baby* only wear “manly” things. It’s not like he’s in pink ruffles and bows…which I wouldn’t even see the issue with anyways.
Even when he’s not in this hairstyle and just wearing a neutral outfit, like a white onesie, people will ask if he’s a girl or boy. I feel like that’s pretty typical for babies. But to hear my mom talk we’re making him a cross dresser lol.
My wife is funny, everytime my mom makes these comments she’ll act surprised every time and just ask the same questions. “It’s a girl hair style?? Oh, who said that? Oh really? Wow. People will think he’s a girl? What will happen then? Oh wow.” And my mom doesn’t realize she’s being trolled every time and just thinks my poor wife has a bad memory.
She’s not an over the top mom overall but she does have her little hang ups on how things should be.
We’re visiting them this weekend and he’s def gonna be rocking the sprout top! Maybe even his old fashioned looking white linen sleep dress too…
We have a baby boy and my wife likes to put his hair in that straight up ponytail hair style. Just like a little tuft of hair sticking straight up. It’s very adorable looking.
My mom gets incensed anytime she sees him in it. “That’s for girls!” “Why are you making him look like a girl!” “This is going to confuse people.” And just eye rolling and huffing and puffing.
First, it’s not even a hairstyle that any adult wears. I don’t see it as a gendered hair style…it’s just a baby hair style. And yeah, you can’t tell the gender of babies his age period just by their faces and clothed bodies. It’s all up to markers which are actually arbitrary. Like “blue dinosaur onesie must mean boy.” when really women wear blue all the time and like dinosaurs. We just don’t care what about making our literal *baby* only wear “manly” things. It’s not like he’s in pink ruffles and bows…which I wouldn’t even see the issue with anyways.
Even when he’s not in this hairstyle and just wearing a neutral outfit, like a white onesie, people will ask if he’s a girl or boy. I feel like that’s pretty typical for babies. But to hear my mom talk we’re making him a cross dresser lol.
My wife is funny, everytime my mom makes these comments she’ll act surprised every time and just ask the same questions. “It’s a girl hair style?? Oh, who said that? Oh really? Wow. People will think he’s a girl? What will happen then? Oh wow.” And my mom doesn’t realize she’s being trolled every time and just thinks my poor wife has a bad memory.
She’s not an over the top mom overall but she does have her little hang ups on how things should be.
We’re visiting them this weekend and he’s def gonna be rocking the sprout top! Maybe even his old fashioned looking white linen sleep dress too…
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48points
#6
For context, I’m a SAHM to a baby. My days are an endless loop of cleaning bottles, loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, cat care, and keeping a human alive. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, so my husband and I sat down and finally made a solid agreement:
When he gets home from work, he gets time to decompress. But after that, he takes the baby, and I get one hour to do whatever I want. No chores, no baby, just me time.
It felt like a huge win. We just agreed to this.
Then, not even 24 hours later, my MIL sends me a post/meme. It was this nauseating advice on "How a mother should manage time, the household, children, and her own fatigue... with a smile! 😂"
The timing feels too specific to be a coincidence, but even if it is, I am seeing red. I finally established that I can't do it all with a smile and that I need support, and she sends me this?
I’m usually polite, but I want to be mean for once. I want to reply with something that wipes that virtual smile off the conversation.
When he gets home from work, he gets time to decompress. But after that, he takes the baby, and I get one hour to do whatever I want. No chores, no baby, just me time.
It felt like a huge win. We just agreed to this.
Then, not even 24 hours later, my MIL sends me a post/meme. It was this nauseating advice on "How a mother should manage time, the household, children, and her own fatigue... with a smile! 😂"
The timing feels too specific to be a coincidence, but even if it is, I am seeing red. I finally established that I can't do it all with a smile and that I need support, and she sends me this?
I’m usually polite, but I want to be mean for once. I want to reply with something that wipes that virtual smile off the conversation.
46points
#7
My fiancé and his mom have not spoken for 4 months since her blowup after we got engaged. Feel free to read that saga in my history. Honestly, it’s been amazing. We’ve been happily wedding planning and just enjoying each other without the negativity and dread my MIL brings.
We are planning to send out Save the Dates and invitations soon and received some advice to try to at least notify MIL of our plans before the communications go out in consideration of her status as MOG. She doesn’t know anything about our wedding: that we are having one, when or where it’ll be.
My fiancé has been dreading contacting his mom. For the last few months, he felt the difference of not having her in his life and loved it. So, talking to her and ruining that h**h has been really hard for him. We want to be able to say that we notified her “before non-family” and “tried inviting her.” Whether or not she decides to attend our wedding is a whole other matter (it would be easier for everyone if she didn’t).
Well…we tried calling her…3x. First time she hung up during the ring…2nd time right after the 1st attempt she let it go to voicemail. My fiancé left her a text that he wanted to tell her about our wedding. A few days later we tried calling a 3rd time…and realized she blocked us.
That’s it. We are still going to send her the Save the Date and invite but she’s basically being written off in our plans now.
We’ve heard that she’s been going around telling anyone who will listen that she “doesn’t have a son anymore” and that she is making moves to remove my fiancé from her will. She has a few joint bank accounts with my fiancé that he wants out of cause he’s been paying taxes on the interest of her funds. He canceled the credit card he gave her. The last thing would be selling the condo he has been paying for her to live in 6month of the year.
I just can’t wait until we are finally separated from her in all ways.
We are planning to send out Save the Dates and invitations soon and received some advice to try to at least notify MIL of our plans before the communications go out in consideration of her status as MOG. She doesn’t know anything about our wedding: that we are having one, when or where it’ll be.
My fiancé has been dreading contacting his mom. For the last few months, he felt the difference of not having her in his life and loved it. So, talking to her and ruining that h**h has been really hard for him. We want to be able to say that we notified her “before non-family” and “tried inviting her.” Whether or not she decides to attend our wedding is a whole other matter (it would be easier for everyone if she didn’t).
Well…we tried calling her…3x. First time she hung up during the ring…2nd time right after the 1st attempt she let it go to voicemail. My fiancé left her a text that he wanted to tell her about our wedding. A few days later we tried calling a 3rd time…and realized she blocked us.
That’s it. We are still going to send her the Save the Date and invite but she’s basically being written off in our plans now.
We’ve heard that she’s been going around telling anyone who will listen that she “doesn’t have a son anymore” and that she is making moves to remove my fiancé from her will. She has a few joint bank accounts with my fiancé that he wants out of cause he’s been paying taxes on the interest of her funds. He canceled the credit card he gave her. The last thing would be selling the condo he has been paying for her to live in 6month of the year.
I just can’t wait until we are finally separated from her in all ways.
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41points
#8
Me and my husband are expecting our first baby together. I have 3 children from a prior marriage. I am friends with my ex husband, amicable. I have full custody, he has them some weekends, but his disability is getting worse.
Anyway, it’s always been the case that all of the children will go to my parents in the event of mine and my husbands death (they won’t be going to their father, we all decided it was best and more optimal for the children to go to my parents). We’ve all always know where we all stand.
Today on the phone, my husband was just talking to his mother about various things and casually mentioned how much a solicitor costs as we need to go there and get a will sorted out and specify all these important factors like ensuring all 4 children (3 plus our baby that’s currently cooking) go to my parents and we need to make sure insurance money also goes there. My mother in law replied quite entitled snooty tone “well no, can’t I have one..?” (Implying she should get the baby in the event of our deaths) therefore separating that child from its siblings…. This is literally what NO one wants. Hence why that IS NOT what’s going to happen.
I was just so shocked that she’d even suggest something so selfish, actually think it’s reasonable to seperate siblings when their parents just died, AND had such a sense of entitlement that she thought she actually gets a say in what happens to someone else’s children??
She made it sound like choosing a puppy out of a litter. Her tone really riled me up.
I know it’s going to get bought up next time we see her. And she’s going to act like life isn’t fair and she can’t have what she wants. It’s not even about her
I will not be a monster in law I will not be a monster in law I will not be a monster in law…. I will put the children first I will put the children first I will put the children first…. I will be evolved and healthy…. I will respect another couples boundaries. And repeat after me.
Anyway, it’s always been the case that all of the children will go to my parents in the event of mine and my husbands death (they won’t be going to their father, we all decided it was best and more optimal for the children to go to my parents). We’ve all always know where we all stand.
Today on the phone, my husband was just talking to his mother about various things and casually mentioned how much a solicitor costs as we need to go there and get a will sorted out and specify all these important factors like ensuring all 4 children (3 plus our baby that’s currently cooking) go to my parents and we need to make sure insurance money also goes there. My mother in law replied quite entitled snooty tone “well no, can’t I have one..?” (Implying she should get the baby in the event of our deaths) therefore separating that child from its siblings…. This is literally what NO one wants. Hence why that IS NOT what’s going to happen.
I was just so shocked that she’d even suggest something so selfish, actually think it’s reasonable to seperate siblings when their parents just died, AND had such a sense of entitlement that she thought she actually gets a say in what happens to someone else’s children??
She made it sound like choosing a puppy out of a litter. Her tone really riled me up.
I know it’s going to get bought up next time we see her. And she’s going to act like life isn’t fair and she can’t have what she wants. It’s not even about her
I will not be a monster in law I will not be a monster in law I will not be a monster in law…. I will put the children first I will put the children first I will put the children first…. I will be evolved and healthy…. I will respect another couples boundaries. And repeat after me.
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36points
#9
We’ve recently introduced our baby to solids, but we’re starting things slow.
On the weekend we had a family dinner. Mother in law asked if she could feed the baby some of the food from her plate and husband said no multiple times. She proceeded to sneaky grab some food in between her fingers and give it to baby, I noticed it just after she did it, asked “did you just feed the baby without our permission?” And proceeded to grab the baby from her. Husband also told her off at the time.
She was deeply offended, got up and left. Now she thinks I’m in the wrong because according to her “you shouldn’t disrespect the elders”.
Did I overreact? According to her it was just a little food so it’s ok.
This is not the first time mother in law has completely disregarded our wishes and boundaries and insisted on her way despite us saying no multiple times.
Edit: she’s expecting me to apologize for speaking to her that way but in my perspective she was wrong and I refuse to apologize. To me, she’s just trying to flip the narrative so she’s the victim.
On the weekend we had a family dinner. Mother in law asked if she could feed the baby some of the food from her plate and husband said no multiple times. She proceeded to sneaky grab some food in between her fingers and give it to baby, I noticed it just after she did it, asked “did you just feed the baby without our permission?” And proceeded to grab the baby from her. Husband also told her off at the time.
She was deeply offended, got up and left. Now she thinks I’m in the wrong because according to her “you shouldn’t disrespect the elders”.
Did I overreact? According to her it was just a little food so it’s ok.
This is not the first time mother in law has completely disregarded our wishes and boundaries and insisted on her way despite us saying no multiple times.
Edit: she’s expecting me to apologize for speaking to her that way but in my perspective she was wrong and I refuse to apologize. To me, she’s just trying to flip the narrative so she’s the victim.
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34points
#10
My fiance (31M) and I (28F) have been together for 5 years and engaged for about 8 months. I own a small business that I started from scratch 4 years ago and it's finally doing really well. My lawyer suggested I get a prenup to protect the business in case anything happens down the road, which made sense to me.
I brought it up to my fiance and he was fine with it at first. He said he understood and didn't have a problem signing one then he mentioned it to his parents.
His mom completely lost it. She called me directly and said that prenups are 'setting up a marriage to fail' and that if I really loved her son I wouldn't need one. She said it's insulting to their family and makes it look like I think he's going to take my money. I tried explaining it's just to protect my business and it's not about him but she wasn't hearing it.
Now she's saying if I make him sign a prenup, she and FIL won't come to the wedding and she's also been calling other family members telling them I'm forcing her son into a contract because I don't trust him(this is crazy i swear). My fiance is caught in the middle and keeps asking if we can just drop it to keep the peace.
The wedding is in 6 months. I don't want to start our marriage with his family hating me but I also don't want to give up protection for something I built before he was even in the picture. He says his mom will get over it eventually but I don't know, she seems pretty serious about this.
I brought it up to my fiance and he was fine with it at first. He said he understood and didn't have a problem signing one then he mentioned it to his parents.
His mom completely lost it. She called me directly and said that prenups are 'setting up a marriage to fail' and that if I really loved her son I wouldn't need one. She said it's insulting to their family and makes it look like I think he's going to take my money. I tried explaining it's just to protect my business and it's not about him but she wasn't hearing it.
Now she's saying if I make him sign a prenup, she and FIL won't come to the wedding and she's also been calling other family members telling them I'm forcing her son into a contract because I don't trust him(this is crazy i swear). My fiance is caught in the middle and keeps asking if we can just drop it to keep the peace.
The wedding is in 6 months. I don't want to start our marriage with his family hating me but I also don't want to give up protection for something I built before he was even in the picture. He says his mom will get over it eventually but I don't know, she seems pretty serious about this.
31points
#11
I know I should be more mad but I’m not. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 10 years, together for 12. She was mean to me when we first got together, in her defense I was 23 and hot mess at the time, then she’s fine with me and we get married and she’s mainly great. Thankfully we moved halfway across the country 3 months after we got married for grad school for him. After he finished school we immediately have a kid and that’s where things go sideways. Long story short we were good for a while bc we rarely saw each other but then we moved 2 hours away from our hometown. It’s been almost a year and a half and she’s been slowly pushing boundaries. She was on another level at the holidays and we were all exhausted so my husband and I decided no overnight visitors for January. I tell my family and they’re mainly cool, she takes offense but doesn’t say much. Well guess who we met for lunch who then came back to our house and then without asking decides to stay the night. She told our oldest, “I’ll see you in the morning”. My husband is PISSED. I however am glad that she did this so that my husband can reinforce our boundaries. He’s going to talk to her and I think a February ban on overnight guests will now be in effect.
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29points
#12
Not looking for any advice, just want to rant and allow others to contribute their crazy MIL stories if they want.
About two weeks ago, DH’s aunt (FIL’s sister) passed away after about a year long battle with brain cancer. Everyone knew the time was coming, it was more just a question of when it would come. I’d also like to preface that the entire 10+ years I’ve known my MIL, she has done nothing but complained and talk bad about DH’s aunt. And more recently she has done nothing but complain about how aunt’s impending death is ruining her chance to spend holidays with her family. FIL, understandably, did not want to travel out of state until his sister passed, as he wanted to spend enough time with her as possible. This ruined MIL’s plans of visiting her daughter out of state for Christmas.
Now, moving on to the main situation. DH’s aunt’s visitation/funeral was this past weekend. DH informed his parents that he would be there for the visitation, but myself and the kids (3 year old, 2 year old, 1 month old) would not be attending. MIL flipped her lid. She couldn’t understand why the kids couldn’t come. First of all, it’s peak RSV/flu season and we have a one month old, sorry I want to put their health and safety over your desires MIL. And second of all, I find it highly inappropriate to use a woman’s death and visitation as a mock family reunion, so MIL can get her rocks off trying to be grandma of the year by passing around her “new baby.”
About two weeks ago, DH’s aunt (FIL’s sister) passed away after about a year long battle with brain cancer. Everyone knew the time was coming, it was more just a question of when it would come. I’d also like to preface that the entire 10+ years I’ve known my MIL, she has done nothing but complained and talk bad about DH’s aunt. And more recently she has done nothing but complain about how aunt’s impending death is ruining her chance to spend holidays with her family. FIL, understandably, did not want to travel out of state until his sister passed, as he wanted to spend enough time with her as possible. This ruined MIL’s plans of visiting her daughter out of state for Christmas.
Now, moving on to the main situation. DH’s aunt’s visitation/funeral was this past weekend. DH informed his parents that he would be there for the visitation, but myself and the kids (3 year old, 2 year old, 1 month old) would not be attending. MIL flipped her lid. She couldn’t understand why the kids couldn’t come. First of all, it’s peak RSV/flu season and we have a one month old, sorry I want to put their health and safety over your desires MIL. And second of all, I find it highly inappropriate to use a woman’s death and visitation as a mock family reunion, so MIL can get her rocks off trying to be grandma of the year by passing around her “new baby.”
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28points
#13
“That wasn’t my intention.” It’s my manipulative mother in law’s FAVORITE phrase. And oh my gosh it sends me.
Today my partner tried to address some issues to her on the phone. Guess what she replied?!! “That wasn’t my intention.” I was not even on the call and she brings me into it (as always) “Does OP know that wasn’t my intention?” She asked my partner.
I told him his mom is obviously trying to take control of the conversation and not take accountability for her behavior and somehow point to me as the issue. Am I tripping???
Context she handed my baby a small decor plush gnome at Christmas. As she had it in her hand I say “Is that a baby toy” she says “yeah kind of” without looking at me, trying to ignore me. So I look more closely it’s NOT a baby toy and my six month old starts shoving this decor thing in his mouth it has a loose plastic tag and loosely beaded eyes so I immediately pry it out of his mouth and say “it’s not safe!”
AND HER RESPONSE TO THAT WAS “IT WASN’T MY INTENTION (to ignore/lie to OP and put the baby in danger)”
The baby and I are NC until further notice!!
My partner is coming out of the fog but FFS is it a slow process. After over a year of complete disrespect for me and us as parents and doubling down on “That wasn’t my intention” when either of us brings something up, I doubt she’s ever going to change.
Guess she doesn’t like her beloved grandchild enough to follow BASIC safety rules and BASIC respect like don’t lie or ignore us or talk bad about our relationship. So crazy of her to choose no relationship instead of BASIC decency but oh well not my problem!!
Today my partner tried to address some issues to her on the phone. Guess what she replied?!! “That wasn’t my intention.” I was not even on the call and she brings me into it (as always) “Does OP know that wasn’t my intention?” She asked my partner.
I told him his mom is obviously trying to take control of the conversation and not take accountability for her behavior and somehow point to me as the issue. Am I tripping???
Context she handed my baby a small decor plush gnome at Christmas. As she had it in her hand I say “Is that a baby toy” she says “yeah kind of” without looking at me, trying to ignore me. So I look more closely it’s NOT a baby toy and my six month old starts shoving this decor thing in his mouth it has a loose plastic tag and loosely beaded eyes so I immediately pry it out of his mouth and say “it’s not safe!”
AND HER RESPONSE TO THAT WAS “IT WASN’T MY INTENTION (to ignore/lie to OP and put the baby in danger)”
The baby and I are NC until further notice!!
My partner is coming out of the fog but FFS is it a slow process. After over a year of complete disrespect for me and us as parents and doubling down on “That wasn’t my intention” when either of us brings something up, I doubt she’s ever going to change.
Guess she doesn’t like her beloved grandchild enough to follow BASIC safety rules and BASIC respect like don’t lie or ignore us or talk bad about our relationship. So crazy of her to choose no relationship instead of BASIC decency but oh well not my problem!!
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25points
#14
MIL is a cash millionaire. This is relevant to the story and before anyone says it - no, we won't inherit any of it because she is determinedly spending the lot! Which of course is her right.
So we go to MIL's house on 23rd December. We both have hard long hours jobs, so we are already tired. She lives a six hour drive away and the roads are hugely busy so it takes nearer seven. We arrive pretty tired and frazzled.
She proceeds to ask us to cook! She hasn't prepared anything whatsoever for us to eat. And we aren't allowed to use "her" food despite the fact she has a fridge full and she's going away in three days. So husband goes to the supermarket and buys food to make a simple risotto. Which we cook together in a state nearing exhaustion, while swigging on cheap white wine.
The next day, she won't let us eat the "expensive" granola she has for herself in the cupboard. We have porridge instead. We pay for lunch (£40) drinks at the pub (£25) and an evening meal out with wine (£120).
On Christmas day, we have already bought all the expensive parts of the meal (starter, vegetarian main, pudding). Again, she won't allow us to use much of her food - and she hasn't bought any of the trimmings so we can't make favourite bits and pieces.
As I said she is a cash millionaire while we are struggling financially.
Can you believe how MEAN this is?
No way would a guest ever have to cook their own food in my home.
So we go to MIL's house on 23rd December. We both have hard long hours jobs, so we are already tired. She lives a six hour drive away and the roads are hugely busy so it takes nearer seven. We arrive pretty tired and frazzled.
She proceeds to ask us to cook! She hasn't prepared anything whatsoever for us to eat. And we aren't allowed to use "her" food despite the fact she has a fridge full and she's going away in three days. So husband goes to the supermarket and buys food to make a simple risotto. Which we cook together in a state nearing exhaustion, while swigging on cheap white wine.
The next day, she won't let us eat the "expensive" granola she has for herself in the cupboard. We have porridge instead. We pay for lunch (£40) drinks at the pub (£25) and an evening meal out with wine (£120).
On Christmas day, we have already bought all the expensive parts of the meal (starter, vegetarian main, pudding). Again, she won't allow us to use much of her food - and she hasn't bought any of the trimmings so we can't make favourite bits and pieces.
As I said she is a cash millionaire while we are struggling financially.
Can you believe how MEAN this is?
No way would a guest ever have to cook their own food in my home.
25points
#15
Well, it’s absolutely freezing here and it’s deep winter, and my mother-in-law does nothing but tell us to bundle up her granddaughter. Then my mother had an accident and was hospitalized. Obviously, we had to rush to the hospital, so we asked my in-laws to look after our daughter.
A few weeks ago, my daughter started asking for ice cream in the middle of winter and saying it was “to grow”… and the ice cream in my freezer was slowly disappearing. My mother-in-law was picking up my three-year-old daughter once a week from an extracurricular activity because my work schedule was changed this month.
Well, our daughter said that my mother-in-law was giving it to her, and my husband said we couldn’t prove it… so I stuck a note with tape around the ice cream that said:
“Instructions for use: do not feed ice cream to small children or their mother will keep you awake if your child doesn’t sleep.”
Well, on the day I went to the hospital to be with my mother, my husband called me on the phone. In the background I could hear my mother-in-law angrily saying, “She treats us like children by leaving notes!” My husband had gotten home from work in time to hear my daughter tell him, “My mom says ice cream isn’t healthy,” and my mother-in-law complaining about the note.
I thought it was a funny way to deal with the situation; apparently my mother-in-law has no sense of humor.
A few weeks ago, my daughter started asking for ice cream in the middle of winter and saying it was “to grow”… and the ice cream in my freezer was slowly disappearing. My mother-in-law was picking up my three-year-old daughter once a week from an extracurricular activity because my work schedule was changed this month.
Well, our daughter said that my mother-in-law was giving it to her, and my husband said we couldn’t prove it… so I stuck a note with tape around the ice cream that said:
“Instructions for use: do not feed ice cream to small children or their mother will keep you awake if your child doesn’t sleep.”
Well, on the day I went to the hospital to be with my mother, my husband called me on the phone. In the background I could hear my mother-in-law angrily saying, “She treats us like children by leaving notes!” My husband had gotten home from work in time to hear my daughter tell him, “My mom says ice cream isn’t healthy,” and my mother-in-law complaining about the note.
I thought it was a funny way to deal with the situation; apparently my mother-in-law has no sense of humor.
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24points
#16
I’m a mom of a one year old and had a very painful postpartum period due to repeated boundary violations by my in-laws, especially my MIL (smoking around me while pregnant, ignoring hygiene rules for the baby, constant pressure during a very vulnerable time). My husband didn’t protect me back then. He sees it now, we're currently no contact with his parents (they keep texting) and we’re working on things – but I’m still deeply affected by that time.
I started therapy (only 2 Sessions in) to process this, but I’m struggling because my therapist keeps saying things like: “Your MIL probably feels responsible for you.” “She loves her grandchild.” “She sounds desperate.” “Family is family, even if you don’t see them.”
The problem: I’ve spent a long time empathizing with my MIL already. She has never taken responsibility, reflected, or changed. Calmly stated boundaries were treated as attacks.
Hearing my therapist repeatedly focus on my MIL’s feelings is very triggering. It feels like a repeat of postpartum: my needs minimized while everyone empathizes with her.
I started therapy (only 2 Sessions in) to process this, but I’m struggling because my therapist keeps saying things like: “Your MIL probably feels responsible for you.” “She loves her grandchild.” “She sounds desperate.” “Family is family, even if you don’t see them.”
The problem: I’ve spent a long time empathizing with my MIL already. She has never taken responsibility, reflected, or changed. Calmly stated boundaries were treated as attacks.
Hearing my therapist repeatedly focus on my MIL’s feelings is very triggering. It feels like a repeat of postpartum: my needs minimized while everyone empathizes with her.
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22points
#17
Whenever MIL comes on vacations there is usually some sort of problem or blow-up, like she gets weird about restaurants or money. Or she brings up something that one of us said that was supposedly rude 15 years ago.
MIL and my daughter also don't get along because my daughter does things to provoke MIL. Then MIL acts childish or mean back at her. On the last trip MIL got angry about something and abandoned her while they were playing on the beach. I was super pregnant and dealing with my 2-year-old and had to run over and deal with her meltdown because Grandma walked away from her. It's unhealthy and I find it more exhausting than just dealing with a bunch of kids together with my husband.
Everytime we plan a trip the past couple years, it starts off as just our immediate family. Then my husband tells MIL, then MIL invites herself, then MIL invites SIL & SIL's husband. It explodes the complexity.
Also what ends up happening is 8pm dinners and/or I end up as childcare left at the Airbnb with the kids so the "adults" can go out and have fun as opposed to us doing things as a family.
How do I change this dynamic? I've been dropping comments that my favorite vacations from the past have been "just us" and reminiscing about those.
I'm wondering if there's anything else I can do. I am actually starting to dread vacations and holidays because I feel like a nanny walking on eggshells instead of a parent who gets to enjoy the vacation too.
My husband doesn't respond to ultimatums so I can't do that. Thanks
MIL and my daughter also don't get along because my daughter does things to provoke MIL. Then MIL acts childish or mean back at her. On the last trip MIL got angry about something and abandoned her while they were playing on the beach. I was super pregnant and dealing with my 2-year-old and had to run over and deal with her meltdown because Grandma walked away from her. It's unhealthy and I find it more exhausting than just dealing with a bunch of kids together with my husband.
Everytime we plan a trip the past couple years, it starts off as just our immediate family. Then my husband tells MIL, then MIL invites herself, then MIL invites SIL & SIL's husband. It explodes the complexity.
Also what ends up happening is 8pm dinners and/or I end up as childcare left at the Airbnb with the kids so the "adults" can go out and have fun as opposed to us doing things as a family.
How do I change this dynamic? I've been dropping comments that my favorite vacations from the past have been "just us" and reminiscing about those.
I'm wondering if there's anything else I can do. I am actually starting to dread vacations and holidays because I feel like a nanny walking on eggshells instead of a parent who gets to enjoy the vacation too.
My husband doesn't respond to ultimatums so I can't do that. Thanks
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21points
#18
My MIL, who has always been rude and condescending to/about my husband's paternal grandmother (and me) has been insistent she doesn't want to be called "grandma last name" probably because she doesn't want to share a name. When I was first married to DH and this grandmother was coming over to ILs house, MIL said "she's just SO WEIRD. WATCH her, she's weird!" I remember saying something to DH about how MIL would be mortified if I talked about her that way to our future kids & their spouses. I don't know about their dynamics ofc, but I know my passive-aggressive bully MIL & this grandma has always seemed genuinely very kind and sweet and not weird at all.
When my daughter was about than 2yo playing with a baby doll, repeating "mama mama mama" MIL haughtily said to me, "she doesn't know what that word means" um...?
DH was FT his parents, despite me trying to convince him we need to limit our girls' contact with her, as she is emotionally abusive. MIL corrected them to call her mama instead of grandma... but my children are never calling her mama!!
When my daughter was about than 2yo playing with a baby doll, repeating "mama mama mama" MIL haughtily said to me, "she doesn't know what that word means" um...?
DH was FT his parents, despite me trying to convince him we need to limit our girls' contact with her, as she is emotionally abusive. MIL corrected them to call her mama instead of grandma... but my children are never calling her mama!!
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20points
#19
We have 3 kids. MIL is really only like this with our youngest, but she invites herself to everything. She literally acts like she is the mom. The most recent event is really making me think she is over the top. Youngest just started a winter sports team. There is a team chat group that MIL joined for some reason. The coach posted that they are having a party for the team for the kids to get to know each other and asked what kids would be able to make it. MIL responded that her and FIL will be attending. No other grandparents are attending because obviously IT IS A PARTY FOR THE KIDS not grandparents, extended family, etc.. On game days she shows up and pushes her way to sit in the front regardless of who is there already under the premise that she has to keep the score (write it down in her little notebook). But NO ONE asked her to keep score and they have official people that do that. I guess she just wants to act important? She also invites herself on our family vacations, etc.. It has gotten to the point that if I have to work alot or take one of our kids to another event while dad is with the youngest she is always showing up and people that don't know us assume that my husband is a single dad and that is why she is around helping out I guess? Grinds my gears and there isn't much I can do about it.
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19points
#20
My partner got a text from their mother this morning, asking them to come down and spend a day at their parents place.
I was specifically not invited.
They've done this before under false pretenses, this time they're demanding they take a day off work to come visit them, and that they spend an entire day there.
No reason has been given for them to do this, just "come and visit us".
When they queried this, they replied that other sibling does this all the time and that their partner is fine with it and that they "just want to spend a day with their child, is 1 day a year too much?"
Partner's mum has a long history of trying to exclude me from things. Partner also does not have a great relationship with their mother and has been trying to distance themselves from their family.
Both of us are just at a loss at how to respond to this without starting more drama.
I was specifically not invited.
They've done this before under false pretenses, this time they're demanding they take a day off work to come visit them, and that they spend an entire day there.
No reason has been given for them to do this, just "come and visit us".
When they queried this, they replied that other sibling does this all the time and that their partner is fine with it and that they "just want to spend a day with their child, is 1 day a year too much?"
Partner's mum has a long history of trying to exclude me from things. Partner also does not have a great relationship with their mother and has been trying to distance themselves from their family.
Both of us are just at a loss at how to respond to this without starting more drama.
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19points