You Can Rant Here

okay well here goes.

i hate my body, no matter what i do or how hard i try im never skinny enough.

my parents are too strict, i wish i had social media so i can relate to everyone at school. i’m constantly being left out because i’m an introvert and i just don’t open up that easily but no one gets it. and my friends are always talking about things that happened when they went out without me and the reason i didn’t go with them is because of my parents.

the school year is ending which is a bad thing because next year i’ll be a total mess. new people, new friends, new enemies, new teachers, new classes, new EVERYTHING. but not new me. i’ll always be the same old clumsy stupid nerd that i am. a bully from last year who left the school is coming BACK there, and knowing me i’ll probably allow her to walk all over me and shatter my nonexistent self esteem.

my older sister is leaving for college and i have no idea how i’m going to live without her since i depend on her for literally everything and she’s probably the only reason i’m still f***ing alive right now. i’m probably going to have a meltdown at her graduation because whenever i think about it i become sad, and i can only imagine how much i’ll cry when the actual party happens and there will be loud music and lots of people and i just wont be able to take it.

my life is a mess and so am i.

i need help.

sorry for burdening you with all my problems, but i think i might just be falling apart.

so i relapsed last night and i tried to not make it too noticeable but i have a swimming trip for choir on monday and i'm really really hoping no one will notice. my life has just been generally s****y lately and i have to leave bp in a week for the summer.

i'm lowkey losing it, little by little. i just can't remember, or focus, and the summer is coming up and i always have summer depression. so i'm anxious about being depressed. also i am a complete failure and can't write a comprensible word on my screenplay. but hey that's life

I’m just scared that I’ll never get a job or marry a person who makes good money. I want to escape from my house and never look back. I want to go non-contact with my family as soon as I have financial freedom. I don’t feel like my parents love me at all. My dad only acts nice when I become a doll (he actually calls me a doll when I dress according to what he wants). My mom only wants me to make money and look after them both when they’re old. I recently got a compliment from someone that I could become a doctor because of how much I love biology so now my mother wants me to become a doctor and abandon all my other dreams because being a doctor is more useful than being an astronomer. I hate how my mom thinks that she is above everyone else because she follows some cult like organization and only they know the truth about everything. I’m scared of my dad now because he always does a complete 180 from a nice guy to a raging monster. He crosses all of my boundaries because I’m “his girl” and because I didn’t set them when I was a kid. I hate close contact with people but every chance he gets he tried to hug me very close to him or kiss me on the cheek or head. He also calls me “mommy” and I find that very creepy but I don’t have the guts to tell him that. I’m now afraid that he’s going to sexually assault me because he’s breaking every single boundary I set. He doesn’t like it when I act as an indivisual and have my own personal preferences. I like the colour blue but he finds it annoying that everything I own is blue (the only few blue things I have are 2 watches and one of them is broken). He constantly emphasizes on how I should be a doll and dress nicely for him and everyone. He wants me to grow my hair long and wear a pony tail which I did today but I found it creepy how he did that whistle which men do to women when catcalling them. He said that all the boys will go crazy after seeing me. All my family members who aren’t creepy found me pretty when I tied my hair but I don’t feel pretty at all. I feel very ugly and defeated when I tie my hair. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m lost, I don’t know where I am or where I’m supposed to go. Everything is confusing and it’s so frustrating! Everyone (except my mom) wants me to get married and I hate that so much. I came out to my mom as gay who outed me to my dad and even then my dad keeps talking about what all stuff he’ll do for my wedding and my grandkids. My grandma already found a boy to marry me when I was 12! Can’t I ever be left alone in life? I’ve lost my identity and I forgot who I really am because I have to keep pretending everywhere at home, at school, online etc. I always feel like I’m a fake person who can never be real with anyone because I constantly try to seek attention through any means

jeez im doing it again im submitting to my own post anyway lets get to the point okay so as of recent i have been questioning myself for a short while now although bee has been helping me a lot with it im still not sure about it all my life ive been taught nearly nothing so that doesnt help and yea thats about it damn bp has been a huge help with everything

i WILL praying for you!!!!!!!! just tell me you need me to and i will love you all so much and hope that if you are going through a rough time it gets better
have an amazing day hope its filled with joy and laughter i will up-vote you to show you i saw your comment because i got blocked (i have -369 down-votes because of my religion) if this offends you i am so sorry i did not mean to offend you and im not trying to shove my religion down your throat and am just trying to help if you feel like i am one of THOSE christians i swear im not and im so so so so so so so sorry

hi i'm kate.

tbh, i hate myself. i have extreme dysphoria from everything, sometimes i feel way too skinny other times i feel fat and it makes me a mess. i have horrible social anxiety but i love attention and i want more friends. my anger issues get in the way of having a somewhat okay relationship with my parents. my intrusive thoughts from my ocd are concerning. summer is coming up so my depression is getting worse. i recently just got dumped lol and he says he did it so he can mature but ik it is a lie, he was actually cheating on me..

anyway, i'm working on it

hi guys! I always love to say that i LOVE YOU ALL SO much! You all are so strong and powerful and you can take on the world! I believe in each and every one of you!

On a much sadder note, apologies to darken the tone, but i got beaten up again today. it’s nothing too bad this time, just a split lip, a black eye and various cuts/bruises, but i think it’s worse on my mind than it is for my body? if that makes sense.

what keeps hurting the most is when they call me “commie”. what is this, the 80’s?

a week ago the biggest kid was bragging about having his dad’s pocketknife, so now i’m attempting to avoid getting stabbed, i guess? thankfully he didn’t pull it on me last time.

i’m just worried one of these times i’m actually going to get killed. it’s not too big of an issue for me, but who’s going to take care of Mami and Babushka?

thanks for listening! i love you all so much, and i’m sorry to darken the tone, you’re all so strong and beautiful!!!

Exams. It's been two days of a month long exam period and I'm already dead. Had the mother of all clashes yesterday as well, 5 hours worth of test with isolation with 4 others in the middle (one exam was moved forward).
And then there's drama as well. It's quite funny actually: we all step out of the Very Important Exam and instead of how it went the talk is whether X found out that Y liked them. Nice to avoid the post mortem to be honest. But my best friend has talked about nothing except the person they like since Christmas, and it's getting tiring.
I like someone as well, and that's a bit inconvenient, seeing as I fully short circuit if we end up talking.
So nothing major but thank you for the opportunity to rant.

*cries* pineapple on pizza is a sin to your one and only god

i'm lowkey losing it, little by little. i just can't remember, or focus, and the summer is coming up and i always have summer depression. so i'm anxious about being depressed. also i am a complete failure and can't write a comprensible word on my screenplay. but hey that's life

I always look at these kind of posts and think about telling the truth about my mental health and things like that, but honestly that just makes it worse, because I get kind of trapped in my own thoughts. So I'm just going to keep doing things that make me feel good and keep me from feeling terrible.

Recently I have been getting a lot of anxiety in my life. A nasty relationship/breakup along with a lot of other things I don't really want to get into have really degraded my mental state. I have started getting trust issues and don't think I deserve any of the stuff I have earned ( there's a term for it but I can't remember) I look at everything that everyone else is dealing with and I don't think I have a place to talk but at this point I'm not living for myself or even for my family but for my friends. Can anyone give advice please?

I'm actually mentally healthy rn (ik ik it's impressive) but I think I have SAD or seasonal depression. Whenever I'm not directly in the sun I just can't be happy. I don't understand it, it just feels empty. I'm genuinely super pissed off cause like I like the cloudiness, I'm a f*****g seattlite rain is my whole thing but nooo my mental health had to go and be weird

i hate my life
i hate myself
i get good enough grades and still get yelled at
i got 19/30 on my final test and my mom still told me its bad. its the best grade. my mom shames me for everything. my diary is just full of me saying this.
i get so scared when she takes my ipad i start shaking and sweating and crying. i just want freedom and this is my only social media app…She doesn’t even know but would kill me if she did. she said i would be the first. one she sends to military.
I HATE HER I HATER HER I HATER HER!!! KYS!!

what’s new, i hate myself, my disassociation gets worse day by day, no one cares about me, i don’t even know if i can be considered sane anymore. everybody hates me, and the feeling is mutual, and of course if i mentioned this to anyone they wouldn’t care, so why even try?

I’m kinda upset. Deadpool is offline and he won’t tell me why. Anyways how is everyone? If you need to talk you I’m here

Anyways, I don’t know if ima stay on bp. I might, but idk this place is kinda messed up and idk. Im not saying that I am gonna leave but it’s a possibility

JFC. You are all so fùcked up